Beginning
by TLSShipper
Summary: AU post season 4. This is the journey of Tom and Sasha's lovestory. He is determined to get his girl back but it is harder than he imagined. Rated M for adult themes, smut and cursing.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one**

" **Fresh start"**

After Tom Chandler left the wardroom he looked for the one person who occupied his heart. Seeing her after all the time and in someone others arms, made him realize that he could not indeed run from his destiny. He found her standing at the nose of the Nathan James and looking down at the sea. Sasha sensed him coming further to her site and butterflies flew in her midsection.

„You should be resting", she said turning towards him and leaning against the railing.

„Resting doesn't seem to be my thing," Chandler replied looking at her. Sasha bent down her head hearing this from him and smiled bemused.

„Well **you** saved the world. **Again**." Sasha stated and looked him in the eye.

„ **We** did – It was always **we** ",Tom replied immediately before turning his gaze to her. „But at least we are getting a fresh start." He looked her in the eyes hoping to see some reaction.

„Fresh start sounds like a good plan," Sasha said and rested her palm at his chin looking him deeply in the eyes.

Oh god what would he give to bend his head and kiss her senseless. But he knew she needed time to get over Fletcher and process all what happened. He felt cold, when Sasha took her hand away. She turned around and walked towards the midship. Tom glanced after her figure and when she got out of sight, he turned to the front of the Nathan James looking in the direction his kids were waiting for him.

He frowned at the thought of his children. Will they welcome him after he left them with Cali without any further explanation? Good, Ashley told him that they were ok when he phoned her at the beginning of the mission. But was she honest with him? He knew she didn't like Cali that much. She thought he would forget her mother. – Darien. He missed her terribly.

But to be honest with himself, someone other occupied his heart and it wasn't Cali. He never loved her. She was there for him in his darkest hours. She was there when he needed someone. She was there when he couldn't feel anything, like he was numb. She sensed it, when he was like this. And she easily took over and kissed him. And kissing lead further to lovemaking. Lovemaking? No there was no love involved, when he took her to bed. Not for him. It was only physical, nothing more. When he fucked her he felt alive. But it was only for that matter of time he was inside of her. Afterwards he fell back in that black hole.

When he thought about the woman who occupied his heart, he didn't feel the burdens of life on his shoulders. When he thought of that beautiful girl with dark hair and white porcelain skin, he felt butterflies in his stomach. Like he had the day when he really saw her for the first time. They knew each other from those endless lessons, but at some point in their professional life he saw her with other eyes. And it never went away.

When Sasha broke up wit him, she broke his heart in millions of pieces, but for some miracle, she never left it. Darien had put it back together but there was always a spot for Sasha in his heart which grew more and more since she returned into his life some two years ago. His love to Darien on the other hand faded more and more and became a little spot. How would his kids react to Sasha and her being in his and automatically in their life? He hoped that they would welcome her and see how much she meant to him. Only time will tell, he thought and turned away to get to his room. He had to be strong for his kids tomorrow. Somehow he felt that it will be a tough day.

Later that night, Sasha laid in her bed and tried to get some rest. But her thoughts wandered to a certain handsome blue-eyed captain and their conversation outside on deck. The thought of a fresh start was tempting. What does she want? A fresh start for her all alone or a fresh start with him at her side? If she choose him there were the kids to consider. Was she ready for that responsibility? Was she ready for another man at her site?

The last one betrayed her in the most awful way. And Tom? He betrayed her 20 months ago when he left the ship. At that time she couldn't understand why he left. Sure he had to parent his kids after his father was murdered from Shaw's men. But to turn his back completely against the crew, the Navy and especially against her, hurt her a lot. And it still hurts.

"No", she thought,"Tom Chandler shouldn't be on my thoughts at the moment. Think about your own future, your own career and your own life! And the rest will sort out eventually."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

" **The Greek village"**

Tom woke up pretty early the next day. He was excited to see his kids after a long time again. After breakfast it was time for him, Azima, Wolf, Mike and Sasha to disembark the Nathan James. He didn't like the thought, that Sasha will be with him to get the kids. For some reason he didn't want her with him. But he said nothing when Mike put the team together.

Silence occupied the ride in the rib. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts. It was a sunny and beautiful day and Mike could see a nice village with a white sandy beach. It seemed like paradise. "No wonder why Tom settled down here", he thought.

For the first time he questioned his decision to take Sasha with them. She was so hurt when Tom left and nobody could make her smile. After some weeks she managed to convince the other crew members that she is the old Sasha. But not to him. He knew she loved Tom and that it didn't stop when she had a fling with Fletcher. In his eyes it was only a fling nothing more because he knew Sasha wasn't over Tom and will never be. And Tom? He was desperately in love with this girl. Everyone could see it, except Sasha. She ignored it. It wasn't the first time he asks himself what he can do for his two friends. Lock them into a room together and hope they will come out of it alive? He shook his head. He didn't want to think about other things they would do in that room.

When they reached the pier a friend of Alex waited for them with a car.

"Kalhmera Tom", said Dimitrios.

"Kalhmera Dimitrios. Ti kaneiV? Polu kala?" Tom asks.

"Nai."

Mike and the others looked stunned to hear Tom speak Greek.

Mike turned to the group"Wolf, you stay at the rib and take care for our departure."

"Yes, sir" Wolf responed.

"We don't need to climb the hill, Dimitrios will drive us to Yaya," Tom explained them.

"Yaya?", Sasha thought. "Who is Yaya? He never mentioned someone."

Looking around the fisher village and the way up to Tom's place, Mike stated: "It's a nice place to spent a vacation."

"Yeah," Tom replied. It was awkward for him that he found this nice and quiet place while his crew fought battle after battle at sea. He looked back at Sasha. She was deep in her thoughts and he hoped she wouldn't be pissed at him when she found out about Cali. He hadn't told no one of her. Even not Mike. Tom didn't want Mike to think bad about him. Getting a new girlfriend, living with his kids in a peaceful village and don't think about ships, wars and enemies. It would be too much. But now he know that not telling, it would kick him in the ass. It was all a mess. That was the reason he wanted to go alone to get his kids.

Sasha was deep in her thoughts while they drove up the hill. She didn't know why it pissed her off, that Tom lived in such a nice and peaceful village. But it did. She should have never take place at this mission. But Mike made it clear that he wanted protection for Tom and the kids. And because Danny, Miller and Burke were all injured she had to come with them.

When they were coming to a halt, Tom got out of the car and looked around the place. Nothing had changed since he went away. There was the large table where he, his kids, Yaya and Alex had sat and ate. In the other direction was the restaurant itself and he could see Cali working.

He heard the others behind him and Dimitrios cried: "Kalhmera, Cali."

She looked up and saw them. Cali smiled and run to Tom, wrapped her arms around him and hold him tight. "Oh god, Tom you're back. Thank you! I've missed you so so much," and kissed him briefly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

" **The Greek village Part II"**

Tom hadn't the chance to escape the embrace, so he wrapped his arms around her. He tried to get rid of her, but she only held him closer. 

He could hear the others move behind him and Cali registered for the first time that he wasn't alone and more importantly he wasn't responding. She looked him in the eyes and unwrapped herself from him. What she saw in his beautiful eyes were the things she had feared most: No love, no future.

Yaya saved him from this awkward situation. "Tom, it is so good to see you again. Do come in. Come in and bring your friends with you." Yaya said while she got closer to him and finally took him into her arms.

"Yaya, how have you been?" Tom replied with a big smile on his face. "Hope the kids behaved while I was away. Where are they?"

She yelled: "Kids? Do come to the front yard. There is someone who wants to see you!"

It didn't take long for them to get to the front. When they saw who was standing there, they ran up to him and Tom had difficulties to catch them without falling on his butt. They flung their arms around him and hold him very tide.

"Daddy! You're back!"

"For how long?"

"Where have you been?"

"Are you alright?"

"Do you have to go on other missions and we have to stay behind again?"

"Dad?"

"Hey, I'm very glad you missed me that much. But please let me live." With that he tried to wind off their grasp. He kissed each of his children on the top of their heads. "What about you two pack your stuff and we go home? Is that a good idea?"

"Going home?" Ashley asked astonished.

"Yeah, I thought we have traveled enough of the world and going home and get a normal life back." Tom replied nonchalantly. He hoped they wouldn't see his stress and fear that they didn't want to go home and he had to force them.

"Are we on the Nathan James again, Dad?", Sam asked excited. "And is Halsey on the ship? And Danny? And Miller?"

"Yes, they are on the ship and yes we would be also on the James. And we have to thank Mike here, that we can travel with them a while." Tom replied when he saw his son's face light up.

Sam and Ashley turned their heads around to register the other crew members for the first time.

"Uncle Mike!", Sam shouted and ran into his open arms and hugged him tight.

"Hey, kiddo. Glad you recognize me. How are you doing?" Mike asked him.

"Oh I'm fine Uncle Mike. Am I allowed to be on the bridge with you and Dad? And can I steer the ship? Oh please Uncle Mike", Sam pleaded.

"Well I can't guarantee you to be at the helm, but you are definitely allowed to be on the bridge with me. I do need a good navigator, you know." With that said Mike rifled through his hair and stood up.

"Hi Uncle Mike", Ashley said. "Thank you for the ride. I'm glad we can go home."

"You're welcome", Mike replied.

Ashley was distracted by the other two women at Mike's side. Both were tall and the black woman wore a ring through her nose. Ashley wondered if this was hurting. But it looked so cool. The whole woman looked cool in her outfit.

But the other woman got her full attention. She had seen her before. There was a picture of her inside of her dad's wallet. She had asked him about her, when Ashley found the picture. She was his ex and the woman who broke his heart. And then her Dad met her mother and the rest was history. But something in her Dad's eyes told her, that he wasn't over her. And she could also see it in the woman's eyes. There was a lot of tension between them. "Well, the ride home will be interesting", Ashley thought.

Tom watched the conversations of his kids with Mike and he didn't miss Ashley's curious look at Sasha. He followed Ashley's eyes and looked at Sasha. He could see that she was so pissed and furious. Probably about Cali. If looks could kill, he would immediately be dead. "Oh dam. How can I ever explain to her that Cali was only a fling to me? Someone I needed at the time but without feelings." he thought. Sasha couldn't stand his staring at her and turned around to take in the place.

Tom stirred out of his thoughts when he heard Sam talking. "Let's go Ash, grab your things. We are going home!" Sam bounced around to the house and went inside.

"So, Tom. I packed your things this morning. The bags are in your room," Yaya said.

"Thank you. You hadn't have to do it."

"That's ok. I thought you have to talk a lot to the kids and Cali and your time frame isn't that big. So you don't need to worry about these things." With that she left him and went over to Mike, Azima and Sasha.

Tom looked around and saw Cali sitting at the far end of the restaurant looking at the sea. She was in deep thoughts. When he approached her he could see tears streaming down her face. With a deep breath he sat beside her and took her hands in his. "Cali, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this emotional stuff. I thought you know that I was only here for a little time and then I would go back home."

More tears streamed down her face. "What was this between us, Tom? What was I for you?"

"You… we … Look, I came here to find peace and to process all the shit that happened to my family. I wasn't in a good mood. You were there for me. And I appreciate it, but there was nothing more for me. I'm sorry that you got an other impression," Tom replied honestly.

"So you never loved me then? It was all fun for you? Nothing more?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you, but there was never love involved for me." Tom replied ashamed. His head hanging down.

"So this woman with the black hair, is she Sasha?"

His head snapped up when he looked at her. "What? How… "

"Well, you said her name several times when we made love."

Tom looked puzzled. "Oh, God, Cali. I'm so so sorry. I didn't register that I was such a dork. Why haven't you told me about it?"

"I don't know. But is she the one?"

"Yes."

"I thought so. You never looked at me the way you look at her. And everyone can see, that she is in love with you. Her face betrayed her so much, when I hugged you. So are you in love with her?"

"Yes, I never stopped loving her."

"For how long?"

"Fourteen years."

"What? So long?"

"Yeah." He smiled at her. "You think she is in love with me?"

Cali nodded. "Yes, even a blind man can see it. Tom, I wish you and your kids all the best in your life. Please don't forget me."

"I won't. And thank you for all you have done for me and especially for my kids. I can't thank you enough for it. Be safe, Cali. And if you need help, don't hesitate to contact me. You have my number, right?"

She nodded. He took her in his arms for the last time, hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. Then he turned around to take his belongings and start a new life again.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you tmtcltb for your reviews. They helped a lot. Being new to this writing stuff and writing in a foreign language is sometimes a little bit difficult. So **  
**

So have fun with the next chapter.

 **Chapter 4**

" **Ride back"**

The ride back to the ship was awkward. The adults were all in deep thoughts while the kids were looking around curiously. They couldn't quite figure what was going on, but they sensed something was going on.

Wolf navigated the rib back to the James and was surprised about the tension that had build between the adults. What had happened up that hill? He had to ask Azima first when they got back to the ship.

Wolf reflected his conversations with the locals. While waiting for the return of his CO and the others, he spend his time at the pier with some people who asked him why the US Navy was there. He told them that one of their men lived for some time in the village and that they were here to get back the kids.

"You talking about Tom?" one of the men asked.

"Yeah, do you know him?"

"Yes, of course. Nice man. He helped us fishermen get the boats ready and repaired some stuff for us. Without him we wouldn't be here anymore. He has some skills."

"He worked here?" Wolf asked amazed. He couldn't see the Captain working as a normal being. To him, Tom Chandler was always born to lead. He couldn't see him in an other role. And as a fisherman? No way.

"Yes, was a good fisherman. Most times he worked with Alex. Nice man. Unfortunately Alex got killed. And some days after that, Tom left with this dumbass Giorgio. He was a tyrant. We had to give him two-thirds of our catch. Haven't thought that Tom would switch sides."

"He didn't. Captain Chandler fought against Giorgio and won. Giorgio won't come back to bully around." Wolf explained not aware that he just relinquished Chandler's identity.

"Who? Captain Chandler? **THAT** Captain Chandler?"

"Yes, the man who saved the world."

"You mean, Tom **is** Captain Tom Chandler?" one of the men asked astonished.

"Uhm, yes. You didn't know?" Wolf asked nervously. By now aware that Tom lived under the radar.

"No, we didn't."

While Wolf thought about his conversations he looked at Tom. He could see why the locals didn't recognize him. When the crew saw Chandler for the first time after all those months he grew a beard and had longer hair. Now he looked like the old Captain with his short hair and shaven. It was like he looked at two different people but it was the same man.

He was pissed that Chandler left and didn't stay in contact with them, but was it that bad? Surely Chandler had his reasons. But seeing this beautiful village, Wolf had second thoughts about him when they arrived. It all looked like he had a wonderful time with the kids at the beach.

But he learned that Chandler had to work as a fisherman for a living. And that nothing was granted for him. He was just an ordinary man with two kids who had to come to terms with the loss of his wife and father. Sure he, Wolf, had also lost people he loved, but he didn't run away. He stayed on the James and tried to make things better. But on the other hand he had no obligations for anyone except himself. So it was the best thing Chandler could have done in his eyes. And now he was with them and fought with them. He rushed into the mission to damage Vellek's ship some couple of days ago. If Sasha didn't volunteered he would have gone alone, Wolf was convinced about that. That was his Captain of the old days. This was **the** Tom Chandler he knew. A man he would give his life for.

Wolf looked at Azima who was also in deep thoughts. Her Captain Tom lived in a very quaint village. No wars and enemies. A dream. But she knew that when the world needed him he would answer and come back. And he did. And if it was for her, she would rather see him as the CO than Slattery. Mike was a good leader, but Tom had charisma. She would follow him everywhere. Therefore she couldn't quite understand why Tom was a pain to Sasha and even Slattery. He didn't do anything wrong. Did he? He had his kids to consider. He was a Dad first and a sailor second. That's what Dads are for. Aren't they?

And after all Azima heard, the others only knew him as a leader and Captain. He always was there for them and then he abandoned them with a big bang. She thought that that was the problem for most of the crew. They took him for granted. Nothing would take their Captain away. Even when he was CNO he flew across half of the world to come on board and rescue the kidnapped sailors. That was something the crew could rely on at that point. But they couldn't come around with the fact that he had to deal with his kids. He wasn't that independent any more. No wife or father who looked after them. His kids were hooked on him. They had no one else. So was it that bad after all? Not for her.

Mike sat across from Tom and looked at him. He was asking himself a lot of questions. Why wasn't Tom honest with him? Why hadn't he told him about his whereabouts and living situation? What was wrong with him? Before he left, they could always talk to each other without exception. They were like brothers. So what happened to them? Why was he so miffed about the fact that Tom lived in such a wonderful and peaceful bliss? Was he jealous about that?

Seeing him now with his kids stung a lot. Tom didn't know how lucky he was. He had his kids, knew that his wife was dead and could move on. Mike had nothing of this. He only knew that his little boy was gone. Everytime when Mike wanted to move on something hold him back. What if Christine and the girls survived? What if they were looking for him and found him with another woman at his side? He couldn't do that to them. And Tom? He really moved on.

Tom had always had success with women. Most times they threw themselves at him when they drop anchor at ports. And every time Tom turned them down. He was absolutely faithful to Darien even after she was gone. The only time he saw him struggle was with Sasha. Tom told Mike at some point in Asia about his relationship with her. Therefore Mike knew that this wasn't over between Chandler and her. So it surprised him that Tom got a girlfriend despite his attraction to Sasha. "When we reach the James, I have to talk to Tom as soon as possible," he thought. "Hopefully I'll get some answers and my brother back."

Tom held his kids in his arms and was thankful that he got them back. Although he loved to be back in the Navy and on his ship, he missed his kids. And there were moments he feared that he would never see them again. He bend his head and kissed every child on the head. While doing so his gaze fell onto Sasha. His mood immediately went downwards. He could see that she was still furious.

"Damn, I should have told her about my hiding grounds and especially about Cali." he thought. "How can I fix this?" If it would be the other way around he would be furious too. Thinking she had no trust in him. But it wasn't the lack of trust why he didn't tell her. It was his fear to loose her forever. To tell her, he got a girlfriend and lived a life full of peace and happiness. She asked him at the beginning of the journey if he found the peace he was looking for. And all he could answer was that there were moments. And he told the truth. He had moments of peace and happiness, but they were rare. Some of these moments were when he was together with Cali.

With seeing Cali again his guilt came back. He really used her for his own benefit. She didn't deserve this. Cali was a nice, warmhearted woman and she deserved better than his treatment. Tom hoped that she will find someone who really loved her and would be a better man than he was. He could be lucky that she let him off the hook so easily. Which wasn't granted from Sasha's look. "After I get the kids settled, first thing I have to do is talking to Sasha and try to smooth the way back." Tom thought.

Seeing some movements out of the corner of her eyes, Sasha looked at the direction of Tom and his kids. He just bend down his head and kissed his kids. It was a personal situation and would melt her heart if she wasn't that angry with him.

She couldn't quite tell why she was angry with him. Was it because of his peaceful living? Or was it the girlfriend? Or was it because of both situations? Why did it bother her?

He left the Navy and her behind and moved on. So did she, didn't she? She fell in love with James and had a wonderful time with him. So why did it bother her so much that Tom got a girlfriend? Seeing him with another woman cut like a knife. It hurt more than James' betrayal. Was it really love she felt for James? Or was he only a substitute for the man she couldn't have?

Why didn't he tell her about his living situation or his girlfriend? Why had she to find out this way? Didn't he trust her?

Looking at him with his kids in his arms made her smile. She could see how happy he was. He really missed his kids. She asked herself not for the first time how it would have been if their child had survived.

She didn't know at the time that she was pregnant when she broke up with him. When she found out she already left Annapolis and was in a foreign country. She had direct orders of radio silence. After one month in Asia she registered that she was late so she took a test. And the two red lines which said that she was pregnant dealt a blow to her. She didn't want a child at this point of life. It was one of the reasons why they broke up. She wasn't ready for motherhood or marriage. She wanted to live and see the world. Being a badass agent. All this couldn't she been with a child or husband.

But all she could think about at that time was her child that was growing inside her. A child made out of love. A child from a man she still loved. She decided to call Tom as soon as possible. But she had her orders and she had to wait over a month to be allowed to call him. By the time her mission got to the end, she was at the end of her first trimester. One day she woke up with pain in her abdomen and feared the worst. Sitting up in her bed she could feel wetness between her legs. Looking down she saw a lot of blood. Too much blood. Tears rolled down her cheeks and after the doctor confirmed her miscarriage she couldn't hold back heartbreaking sobs.

Tom would have been a wonderful father and seeing him now confirmed her thoughts. Will she ever get a second chance to be pregnant and a mother again?

Ashley and Sam were happy to be reunited with their father. They were glad that he came back to them despite the parenting stuff that will come. He could be a pain in the ass with that.

Ashley saw the looks her father gave Sasha. What was going on between them? She didn't know if she liked it or not. When her Dad was with Cali it bothered her. She didn't want that he forgot her mom. This wasn't fair. And seeing him now with that look in his eyes she knew he was interested in Sasha. But he told her that Sasha was his ex so why did they look like they were lovers?

Sam sensed that something was going on between his father and Sasha but it was ok for him. It seemed that Sasha was a nice woman. He was happy to have his father back and seeing him happy was all that he wanted. Sam leaned more into his father and closed his eyes


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

" **The shower"**

Back on the ship, Tom settled his kids in the quarter next to his. Nine year old Sam was psyched to be back on the James. He looked around. "Whoa, there is a bunk bed. I want to be on top."

Ashley groaned. "Dad, do I have to share a room with him? What about the rules?"

"Yes you have. What rules?" Tom asked confused.

"The great Navy rule that it isn't allowed for women and men to share a room." Ashley stated.

"Ah, that rule. Well, the rule still exist but you won't break the rule. You are brother and sister and it is only for three nights, Ash. I think you can manage that." He said with a smile.

"Three nights?" Sam asked. "It only takes us three days to go back to America?"

"No, silly you. The James need at least three weeks to get to the US. We will get off the ship to take a plane. We have some injured men on board and we have to take them strait to a real hospital. So we three are allowed to go back by plane. We will arrive at home in four days, if everything goes like planned."

"Oh okay."

"So you two monkeys. What do you think about to get all a shower and then go get something to eat?" They both nodded.

"Good. The showers are directly around the corner." He led them to the bathroom after they grabbed their gear. "Ashley I can't get into the room with you. When you are finished, please come back to your room."

"Yeah sure." With that she opened the door and went inside while Tom and Sam got to the other side and did the same.

Ashley had just finished her shower, when she heard someone walking into the anteroom. She recognized the voices. It was Azima and Sasha who didn't notice Ashley in the shower cubicle.

"Why are you so pissed, Sasha?" Azima asked her bemused.

"I'm not."

"You're too."

"No, I'm not. I'm just in a bad mood. Nothing more."

"And that bad mood has nothing to do with a certain brown-haired woman who clung at a certain handsome Captain?" Kandie asked mischievously.

"NO!" Sasha replied.

"No? I don't think so Sasha. You **are** jealous."

"Azima, I told you, I'm not jealous. He can do whatever he wants to do. He left me 20 months ago and only came back because there was no other way. He hasn't looked for us in all those month!"

"But Captain Tom had to look after his kids. And being on a ship out in war isn't a place you can parenting kids." Azima tried to argue.

"Yes, he parented his kids and got a girlfriend along the way." Sasha stated slightly peeved off.

"Ah you are **so** jealous. This girlfriend thing - is that a problem for you?"

"No!" Sasha replied vehemently.

"You sure about that? It doesn't look like this."

Sasha sighed and after some seconds she confessed "Yes, it bothers me in some way."

"Why?"

"I don't know exactly. I was so happy to see him after all those years again in Asia. We got along and I thought, that we could build another relationship or friendship when we get back. And then hell broke out at home and the next thing he walked away. I tried to convince him to stay. But he didn't listen to me. He kissed me goodbye and left. No sign of life for 16 months and then we saw him in this fight club. And all the time we had to fight for our life, he lived in a peaceful village and shacked with that woman!"

"Ah I see. So would it be okay for you when he only lived in that village with his kids alone while we fought our battles? Or is it because he lived there and had a girlfriend?"

Sasha thought about that some minutes before she answered "Well, it wouldn't have bothered me that much without the girlfriend. I think."

"Well, you think that he was happy about you having a boyfriend? He looked very hurt when he got back on the ship and saw you taking care of Fletcher in the helo bay. And all the other times you rubbed your relationship under his nose till Fletcher betrayed us all."

"No, I didn't." Sasha replied vehemently.

"Yes you did. You took always Fletcher's side when Captain Tom suggested a plan. Perhaps you didn't noticed that, but sometimes I thought you are doing this on purpose to make him jealous."

"No, I thought that Fletcher had the better arguments. And by the way. I was honest with Tom. He knew from the beginning that I moved on and had a boyfriend. I only found out that he had a girlfriend by accident."

"Perhaps he didn't mentioned her because he knew you would be annoyed by this and you would kick his ass," Azima replied nonchalantly.

"Well, you have a point. Perhaps he knows me too good." Sasha returned.

They were silent for a moment. Then Azima asked "How have you two got together all those years ago?"

Sasha's mood light up at the memory. "Well, he was my teacher at the Naval Academy in Annapolis and I was his student. When he walked into the room for the first time, I couldn't get my eyes off of him. He was and is a very good looking man after all." She said it with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Did he saw you?"

"No, I was at the back of the room and wasn't that confident as I'm now. Some weeks later he assigned us to do some tasks and I was lost. I was sitting there and stared on my paper. But there was only emptiness in my head. At some point he stood directly behind me and asked me why I didn't write down my solutions. I looked up at him and he must have seen my despair. So he helped me with it. Sometimes I had the assumption that he assigned me more the difficult tasks than he did to the other students. Most of the time he did so, he ended up next to me and we discussed the task. When we couldn't finish in class, we met in his office or the library and worked on the solutions."

"Have you seen him helping the other students, too? Or was it only you?"

"No there were others too. But I was the only female student he helped." Sasha grinned.

"Ah I see… When did you realize that you had a crush on him?" Kandie couldn't hold back a smile.

"Well, it wasn't till some weeks after I started at the Academy. But with all the closeness and the alone time with him in his office or class it dawned on me that I began falling in love with him."

"When did it happen? He falling in love with you?"

"He wasn't only my teacher for theoretical warfare but also practical warfare and tactical training. I was assigned to him one day and it was a good training. We got well with each other and he took me under his wing for all the other lessons. All my knowledge about to operate a mission is due to him. He trained us all well, but he looked after me to be the best of the class. Some time after starting at the Academy we had a training lesson on the field outside at night. It was like the game "Capture the flag". Two teams were built. Tom and Monroe were the team leader and picked the students. I ended up on Tom's group. So we got to the initial point for our group and we discussed our options. We took my suggestion how to approach the other group and won the game. Our group were so high with epinephrine that we ended up in a bar and got drinks. We persuaded Tom to go with us. When I said my goodbyes after some hours, he escorted me home because he didn't want something happening to me. So when we stood at my apartment he leaned down and kissed me on the cheeks and said "Good night, and dream well." With that he turned around and began walking away. I didn't know what got in me, but I called his name and he stopped in his track. I went after him, took his face into my hands and kissed him. The kiss got heated and we ended up in bed together. And that was the beginning of our love story."

"How was the sex? Is he good?" Kandie asked eagerly.

"Azima, the sex was amazing. He was THAT good." Sasha beamed at her.

"So he knows to rock a girl's world?"

"Oh he defiantly knew it then. And I don't think that he had forgotten how to do it."

"So what are you waiting for? Go get him back. And if it is only for the sex!"

"What? No."

"Ok, can I have him then?"

"NO!" Sasha tapped her arm.

"So you admit that you are still in love with him?"

Sasha thought about that and after a while she stated "I don't know. But on the other side, there is something between us. Yesterday he talked about a fresh start with me. It felt right but now I'm angry at him that he wasn't honest with me. And I doubt all the things we might have in the future." Sasha mused. "But anyway there can't be a "WE". He has his kids to consider and I can't intrude in his family. The kids have to stay at his high priority. And what happens when they don't like me?"

"When the kids get a chance to know you better, they will like you. Trust me. They are good kids. And when they see the glow in his eyes every time he looks at you, they will do everything to make their father happy. And happiness you all deserve."

With that said, both women went in their respective shower cubicle, still unaware of one listener. When Ashley heard the running of the showers she get dressed fast and ran out of the bathroom almost running down Kara who got into the room.

"Hey, Ash, everything okay?" Kara asked when she saw Ashley's face.

"Yeah, everything is alright." Ashley returned and hoped that Kara took the lie. But Kara knew the look on her face. Something bothered her. So she took Ashley by the elbow and lead her to her quarters down the way.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Ashley asked angrily after Kara closed the door behind them.

"Well, it seems that something is bothering you, Ashley. What is it? Has your Dad said something? Are you mad with him?"

"No, nothing."

"Then what is it? You can tell me, you know. I won't talk to anybody, you can trust me." Kara said confident while looking her deeply in the eyes. Ashley couldn't hold her gaze and looked down on her feet, biting her lips. Kara couldn't see this any longer and took Ashley into her arms and hold her tight.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She whispered into Ashley's ear. "You can really tell me. I won't judge you."

Ashley hugged her back and with a look in Kara's face she began to relax a little bit. "I … I … I think I'm loosing my Dad."

"What? Why do you think that?"

"Well, I think he is in love with Sasha and she with him."

Kara took a deep breath and released Ashley to sit on the bed with her. "Why do you think that?"

"He looks at her like he did with mom. His eyes begins to shine when he looks at her. And I heard Azima and Sasha talk about him in the shower. Sasha told Azima how they met and that they were lovers. And that the sex was that amazing with him." With that Ashley looked disgusted. She didn't want to talk about sex.

"You heard that?" Kara asked indignant. Ashley nodded.

"Well, first of all. Men and women have sex with each other when they are lovers. But it hasn't to be with Sasha and your Dad. They were lovers many years ago but now they are only friends. They like each other. Nothing more." Kara tried to convince her. "And even when they would be together, why is it bothering you?"

"He is forgetting my mom."

"Oh honey. He isn't forgetting your mom, trust me. He will always love your mom. She is gone now for three years. He has to move on. And that means he is looking at other women. When you get older you will understand. But for now it is difficult to see it from his point of view. He doesn't want to be all alone on himself. Even the mighty Tom Chandler needs another person to be happy with."

"But he isn't alone. He has Sammy and me!" Ashley said vehemently.

"Of course he has. And that is good that he has you both. He wouldn't have it in an other way. He loves you both."

"But when he loves Sasha how can he love us?"

"Oh Ash" Kara said and hugged her "He will always love you both. That will never change. Whatever will happen his love is granted for both of you for the rest of your life. You are his children. And if he is sometimes mad at you or your brother cause you did something he didn't approve he still loves you. Every parent does."

"But ..."

"No, but. When your mom still was alive your Dad loved her and you and your brother. Right?"

"Yes."

"So, you think that he won't love you any more because he only can love his children or an other woman? Sasha or any other woman who might be in his future life won't replace your mom. She will always have a special spot in his heart because he loved her so much. And she gave him two wonderful kids."

"So you are telling me that whatever will happen he will still love my mom and us kids?"

"Yes, I can assure you that."

"Then why does the thought of him and Sasha bother me so much?"

"Perhaps you are afraid that she will take him away. But believe me, Sasha is a very nice woman and she wouldn't do this. She knows how much you and Sam mean to him. When you get to know her better, you will see that you don't have to be afraid of her. Give her a chance, will you?"

"Maybe." Ashley said with a shrug. "I should get going. Dad will wonder where I am. Thank you for listening."

"Anytime Ashley." Kara hugged her. With that Ashley went to her room.

"Hey, I wanted to compile a rescue squad to look after you. You got lost?" Tom asked when Ashley stormed into her room.

"No. It took me a little bit longer than you. So what's the problem?"

Tom held up his hands "No problem. Just caring. Everything all right with you, Ash?"

"Yep. Everything is great." She replied hoping he wouldn't press to much. Tom could tell that she wasn't all right. But he let go of her, for the moment. Changing the subject he asked "So you two hungry?"

"Yes, very." Sam jumped from his bunk and went straight to the door. Ashley rolled her eyes at his behavior and Tom couldn't withhold a grin. He was so glad to have his kids back. If only Sasha could join him, he would be the happiest man on earth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six**

" **The mess"**

Sitting in the mess with Mike, Burke and Wolf, the Chandler family got good company. Sam was a wonderful entertainer. He told some stories about their journey and was laughing most of the time. His laughing was music to Tom's ears. He hadn't seen his son so relaxed in weeks. Only Ashley made him worry. She was different when she got back from the shower. Something was bothering her and he wanted to know what it was.

Before he could ask her Azima and Sasha went into the room. He immediately sat more upright and was more alert than before. He followed them with his eyes. Sitting opposite from her Dad Ashley registered Tom's behavior immediately. She frowned and followed his gaze. Looking back at her father Ashley saw his longing in his eyes. It was the same look he had given Darien. And there was something more, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Azima's voice came to her mind " _And when they see the glow in his eyes every time he looks at you, they will do everything to make their father happy. And happiness you all deserve"._

Her thoughts were interrupted by the approach of the women. Azima went directly to Wolf's side, letting Sasha no chance to get away from Tom. Therefore Sasha had to sit face to face of from Tom and Sam and side by side with Ashley. The latter one observed her father. He stole glances at Sasha and sometimes it seemed he wanted to say something but then decided not to. Sasha just sat there and ate her meal, not daring to look at him.

Instead she looked at Sam. He had his father's eyes and nose. But everything else must be from Darien. When Sam chatted away his hands were flying and fiddling to reinforce his story. Sasha couldn't help but smile at him. His enthusiasm lighted everyone's mood. When she looked from son to father Tom's eyes were on her and they locked their gaze. Neither of them wanted to break the spell but Ashley cleared her throat and Tom's head turned to her.

"Something on your mind, Ash?" he asked.

"No, must be a frog in the throat or something like that," she answered.

Tom glanced back to Sasha only to see that she averted her gaze.

"Excuse me, I have to go to the pilothouse and see to things," Slattery said and walked away.

Like it was an atmosphere of departure everyone gathered up their trays and walked out.

"Dad? Can we go to the pilothouse? Uncle Mike and you promised me that I could go there. I want to sit on the chair like I used to do when you were Captain of the Nathan James. You know after you found us in Baltimore."

"I don't know, Sammy. Perhaps tomorrow. It's nearly bedtime for you."

"But Dad, we are leaving the ship in three days!"

"Yes, we do. Till then we will be up there. Promise." With that Tom shoved Sam further down the passageway to their quarters.

Sasha froze at the spot. "What? Tom is leaving the ship again? Why?" Sasha thought.

Ashley hadn't payed attention and walked into Sasha. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I haven't payed attention."

"Don't worry everything is alright. It is my fault." Sasha replied. "You are leaving the ship?"

"Yes, in three days. We are allowed to take the plane to get back home."

"Oh. Why?" Sasha couldn't hide her disappointment.

"I think Dad doesn't want to go back by plane but he has no other choice. Kids are not allowed on the ship." Ashley said sadly.

"Are you happy to go back home?"

"Yes and no. I wanted to be back home when we traveled around. But now, I don't know if I want to go back." Ashley answered. "You know, we left home five days after the kidnapping. When Dad came back to get us at the White House, we drove home. Everything was destroyed and someone rifled through our belongings. I think they searched for a glue to find us. And well, they did and killed Grandpa." Ashley's voice got lower.

"I'm so sorry, Ashley. You're Grandpa was a nice man. He made me laugh a lot."

"You don't have to be." Ashley said. "Wait, you knew my Grandpa?"

"Yes, I knew him. He was really funny at times. But only when you knew how to handle him." She smiled a conspiratorial smile and Ashley knew exactly what Sasha was talking about. Her Mom had to trick him either to get along with him. "I don't know if you know it, but your Dad and I were together before he met your Mom."

Ashley nodded "Dad told us about you and him."

"He did?"

"Yes, I went through his wallet and found a photo of you. So I asked him and he told me."

"He kept a photo in his wallet?" Sasha asked astonished. Ashley nodded. Sasha was about to ask her more, but was interrupted by Sam shouting "Ash, you coming?"

"Coming," Ash replied and to Sasha "Sorry have to go. Good night, Miss Cooper." Ashley passed her and turned back around when Sasha called "Ashley? It's Sasha." Ashley smiled at her and rushed to her room only to find her father waiting for her.

"Where is Sam?"

"Next door. I want to talk to you."

Ashley frowned. "About what? What's wrong?"

"You tell me. You seemed to be happy before you got to the shower. But since then you haven't said that much. Has something happened? You can tell me, you know."

"Dad," Ash answered annoyed.

"Do not Dad me. I can see that something is bothering you and I want to know what it is!" He demanded and then sighed, "I know I'm not your Mom. You could always talk to her. But I'm your Dad and I really try to make things better for you and Sammy. So please tell me." Tom pleaded.

"Dad, I'm sorry. But I don't want to talk about it at the moment."

"Ash, sometimes it is better to talk about the things bothering you. So please."

Ashley got really annoyed and blurted out "I've already talked to Kara. No need for you to be concerned about it."

Tom was taken aback. "Kara?"

"Yes, Kara. Please Dad please respect that I don't want to talk with you about it. I have to think about it on my own. And perhaps we can talk about it tomorrow."

"You sure?" Tom sighed again and thought to talk to Kara as soon as possible.

"Yes."

Tom nodded. They heard a knock and Sammy stood at the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes of course, buddy. Come here," Tom stretched out his arm and hold him close. "I think it's bedtime for you, Mr. Chandler."

"But Dad, I'm not that tired," Sam answered with a yawn.

"Yeah, I can see that. Go brush your teeth."

"Dad, do I have to do it?" Sam looked at his father and his expression told him not to argue. With a sigh he took out his toothbrush.

Tom went out of the room to give his kids some space. He returned after some time with a book in his hands. "What about I read something to you and stay a little till you're asleep."

"That would be awesome," Sam said happily. "Can we read together in my bed?"

"Sure, buddy." Tom climbed in the upper bunk laid down and wrapped his arm around his son. He began to read.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi there. Thanks for your reviews. I do agree with you that Ashley is very mature for her age. But I see her not as a normal 12 year old girl who plays with her friends and has the first thoughts about boys. She had to grow up a lot faster and earlier than under normal circumstances: She lost her mother, was kidnapped and had to look after her brother for more than once not knowing if her father will get back to them. All these things influenced her.

Anyway up to a new chapter.

 **Chapter seven**

" **Considerations"**

After his kids fell asleep, Chandler left them with the intention to find Kara. Little did he know that Ashley pretended to be asleep. She couldn't handle her father with his demanding questions at the moment.

Ashley thought about the conversation in the shower and with Kara. Why didn't she like the thought that an other woman could be at the side of her father? She never had imagined that he would be with another woman than her mother. Why would he? He belonged at her side. But then Darien died. Ashley thought he would be alone forever. And she and Sam could be there for him. Weren't they not enough? Why did he even look at other women? Thinking about the women they met after her mother died she wondered if he was looking at them too?

First there was Kelly. She was a nice person and Ashley really liked Eva. She was a really good playmate and they got along well. Both were in the same age and they could talk about everything. Kelly? Kelly cared about her and Sam. Ashley was so grateful that Kelly lived in the neighborhood for some time. She organized things for them and they could get back to a normal life. As normal as a life can be without a mother or a father on a ship somewhere on the ocean. Ashley hadn't seen any indications that her Dad was interested in Kelly. He saw her as a friend.

The next woman on her mind was Dr. Scott. Ashley didn't like her the way she liked Kelly. Something bothered her about Dr. Scott at that time. She couldn't point her finger to it. Was it because Rachel spent a lot of time with her Dad while they were fighting for their lives? Was Dr. Scott responsible for the death of her mother? Not really. But sometimes Ashley had her doubts. If Rachel produced the cure earlier and if her Dad would have found them earlier, perhaps they could have rescued her. For sure she didn't like the way Dr. Scott looked at her Dad. It was full of adoration. Love perhaps? And her Dad? She didn't know.

Ashley's thoughts went further on in time. After her grandfather died, Ashley was pissed at her Dad that he took them out of the country. But after a while she liked staying at Yaya's and Alex' house. It was the best thing they had done by that time. She liked Yaya and Alex very much. They reminded her of her Grandparents.

Then Cali came around. Ashley didn't like her from the beginning. Cali made sure that her Dad had to help her with everything. She was always around him. Someday Ashley caught them kissing in the hallway. She was shocked to see her Dad kissing another woman who wasn't her mother and ran out of the house. Her Dad came after her and they talked about it. He explained that he didn't want to be alone all his life and that Sam and she have the right to live their own life and that they don't have to take care of him. But she didn't believe him. He never looked at Cali the way he looked at her Mom. Never. He never took her hand in his when they were sitting together. He never went to her first and hugged her. It was always Cali who took his hand, who kissed him. So Ashley knew instinctively that he didn't take this seriously.

Now her thoughts went on to Sasha. She wanted to hate her but she couldn't. There was something about her that Ashley liked. Her conversation with her father came to her mind when she saw Sasha's picture in his wallet some time ago. The picture was next to the picture of her Mom and her and Sam. He told her that they were together for quite a time and that he loved her very much. But her career and his job got in the way and they separated. He saw her again in Asia and was happy to see her after all that time. He told her that Sasha helped him to get back Uncle Mike and the other kidnapped sailors. He said he liked her a lot and still does. Therefore he kept a picture of her in his wallet. Ashley liked the story of him and Sasha and it was kind of cute in some way.

" _Then why does the thought of him and Sasha bother me so much?"_

" _Perhaps you are afraid that she will take him away. But believe me, Sasha is a very nice woman and she wouldn't do this. She knows how much you and Sam mean to him. When you get to know her better, you will see that you don't have to be afraid of her. Give her a chance, will you?"_

Without realizing Ashley compared Cali with Sasha. They resembled each other a little bit. Both had long dark hair and porcelain skin. But their characters were totally different. She remembered what Sasha said in the shower, that she can't see a future with Tom because she don't want to get between him and his kids. Cali never thought about them that way. She respected them because they were his kids but sometimes Ashley had the feeling Cali wished they were gone. And Sasha? She considered them and she would rather be a single woman than get between Tom and his kids.

After a while thinking about all the women her father could have been with, Sasha was the only one who cared in a way about them. Perhaps giving her a chance like Kara said was an option after all. And it wouldn't hurt, would it?

" _And what happens when they don't like me?"_ Sasha's voice ringing in Ashley's ears. After a while Ashley had an idea and went to the table, took a sheet of paper out of the drawer and began to write.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter eight**

" **Not a little girl anymore"**

After having a restless night, Tom settled his son with Master Chief. This gave him more time to talk to his daughter. He was desperate to know what was on her mind because his conversation with Kara the night before wasn't as informative as he hoped.

 _\- Flashback -_

" _Commander Green" Tom said after spotting her in the p-way. "A word." He led her into the wardroom._

" _Sir?" Kara asked._

" _I spoke to my daughter and she told me that she talked to you earlier this day." Tom came directly to the point._

" _Yes, Sir. We both talked after she came back from the shower. I hope you didn't get angry because she was a little late for supper."_

" _No, no. Something is bothering her. And I wanted to talk with her about it but she won't tell me. She only said that she talked with you and that she needs time." He looked her in the eyes. "Please, can you tell me what's on her mind?"_

 _Kara was sorry for him but she couldn't break her promise to Ashley "I'm sorry, Sir. I promised your daughter to tell nobody about our conversation."_

" _I'm not nobody!" Tom shouted "I'm her father and I want to know if something is bothering my kid. I have to make sure that she is fine Kara, don't you see this?"_

" _I do, Sir. And believe me if it would be a serious problem, I would tell you immediately. But it is something Ashley has to come to terms with herself and if she asked you to give her time, then give her the time she needs. She will come around and talk to you." Kara said sincerely._

 _Tom paled "Oh, God. Has it something to do with woman stuff?" he asked anxiously._

 _Kara couldn't suppress a smile "Woman stuff? You mean starting to have her menstruation? Talking about boys? Flowers and bees?" Tom could only nod. "No Sir. Nothing like that. And I know that she knows the facts of life. Your wife did a great job. We had a little conversation some time ago in St. Louis." Tom nodded once again not able to say a word. It was humiliating to him._

" _Sir, if you don't need anything else I have to go. My shift starts in ten minutes."_

" _Yeah, sure." He dismissed her and went frustrated to his room._

 _\- End Flashback -_

"I asked Kara about your conversation" Tom said and continued after seeing Ashley's eyes widen. "Don't worry, she said nothing. She only said that you should talk to me. So what is bothering you?"

"I … When …. Are you in love with Sasha Cooper?" Ashley blurted out.

"What?" Tom asked shocked. "Why do you think that I'm in love with her?"

"Well you look at her the same way you looked at Mom."

"What look?" Tom was confused.

"Dad, the look you gave Mom when she walked by. You had always that longing in your eyes and sometimes I thought you begin to salivate." Ashley told him dryly.

"Salivate? I don't do that." Tom argued.

"Oh yes you do. And by the way it is the same when Sasha walks by."

"What?" he asked and made a note to himself " _Hell, I have to be more careful when Ash is around_." He loved his girl but sometimes she was too good in reading people.

"You follow her with your eyes and acts weird around her. Perhaps you don't notice this but I do, Dad. So are you in love with her?" Ashley asked again.

He sighed "It's complicated."

"No, Dad, it's simple. You answer such a question with yes or no but never with it's complicated," she said. "So?" raising a brow. Tom didn't know when he switched from the interrogator to the interviewee. He sighed again and sensed she waited for an honest answer. Looking in her eyes he answered "I think I am."

"See, that wasn't that complicated." They both grinned at each other. "Is she special for you?"

"Yes she is." Tom confessed. "Is it okay for you? You didn't like Cali that much and so…." he trailed off.

"Cali wasn't Sasha." She stated. And when she could see his bewildered face she continued. "Cali only wanted you and not Sam and me. She didn't like us that much. She accepted us but nothing more. It was Yaya who helped and took care of us while you were away. And by the way, you never looked at Cali like you did with Mom or Sasha."

Tom looked at his daughter with amazement. How could she be so smart and understandable? Where was his little girl who ran into his arms when he got home at night? God, he had missed so much of his children's lives. And the last three years took its toll. She hadn't the privilege to grow up as a normal teenager. Staying in the normal environment of a stable family and getting all the love she needed. She couldn't grow up like he had done. Never thinking about tomorrow and looking after his siblings. She had to be strong for herself and her brother. Tears were shining in his eyes and he took his daughter into his arms and hold her tight. "Where is my little girl? You have grown so much in the last three years. I didn't know that you see all these things."

"Dad, I'm twelve! I'm not a baby any more." Ashley said.

"I can see that." Tom said. "So are you really okay if I want to be with Sasha? Cause, if you or Sammy don't want her in your life, then I would accept that. You and Sammy are the most important people in my life and I don't want anything or anyone come between us."

"Dad, it's okay for now." Ashley said sincerely but then hesitated. "I'm honest. I was confused about the thought of you both. But you told me some time ago in Greece that you don't want to be alone. And Kara said the same thing yesterday. That you have to move on and look at other women but that you will always love Sammy and me."

"That's true. I will always going to love you both. This will never change, Ashley, no matter what."

"I know it now, Dad. I want you to be happy. And if Sasha is making you happy, then we are happy." Tom nodded and took his daughter into his arms again. "You know," Ashley said against his chest "We have to get to know Sasha properly. And by the way I think she feels the same about you. She said it to Azima in the shower."

"She talked to Kandie about me in front of you?" Tom asked stunned holding her a little away to look her in the eyes.

"No. But I heard them. They hadn't notice me occupying a cubicle…."

"This is the reason you came back late from the shower."

"Yes, and me talking to Kara. She explained some things about Dads and girlfriends..." Ashley trailed off.

"I see. So I have to thank Kara for her wise words." Tom replied with a big grin on his face.

"Yes you have." Ashley smacked him in the arm. The conversation with him took a load of her mind.

"Speaking of Kara. She has a lot on her mind with Danny injured. What do you think when we'll visit him and the others in sick bay? Perhaps you can play cards with them. I think they could need a distraction." Tom suggested.

"Sounds good to me." Ashley replied. They both got to the hospital wing and went in. Miller laid at the front of the room. Seeing the Captain he tried to salute. Chandler only shook his head and said "It's okay Miller, no need for that. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Sir. Doc has put me on pain killers and all is healing well."

"Good to hear. It hurts at the beginning but it gets better with the time. When you are scheduled for rehab do it and don't let things slide. It's important to move your leg otherwise it will be stiff."

"Yes, Sir, will do." Tom went further into the room and went at Danny's side.

"Green, how are you?" He asked. Danny wasn't responding. He only looked at the ceiling with open eyes.

"He is like that all day, Sir" Miller said to Chandler.

Tom took a chair to the side of the bed and touched Danny. "Hey, Danny look who I brought with me. It's Ashley. You remember her?" No reaction.

Then Ashley went over and took his hand in hers and said "Hey Uncle Danny. It's me Ash." Again no reaction, but after some seconds his eyes flickered.

"Since you are here in bed, can we play cards like we did at home?" Ashley asked him and waved some cards in the air.

Danny blinked and turned his head towards Ashley. It seemed that he recognized her for the first time. "Hi Uncle Danny." Ashley continued. "You want to play cards with me?" Danny looked from her to Tom then back to Ashley.

"Hey, little girl. What are you doing here? How are you?" Danny asked her, his voice raspy.

"I'm fine. Since I'm back with you and the others on the ship, I can't be happier." She said.

"That's good."

"Hey, Danny how are you?" Tom asked him, hoping to get a respond.

"Feeling better, Sir. But Doc Rios said that there might be no full recovery. You know, getting hit in the abdomen isn't that good to repair."

"Yeah, I know. Got hit in Iraq. It didn't look well at the time for me. But after being in an artificial coma for two months they got me back and it took over a year to get to full recovery. You'll manage that Danny. You'll see. And if it isn't for you then do it for your wife and son." Tom tried to reassure him and squeezed his shoulder.

"Will do." Was the only answer he got back.

"Hey Ash, would you like to play cards with me instead of that stubborn dude in the bunk over there?" Miller asked with a mischievous smile.

"Yeah, sure why not?" Ashley returned. She went over to Miller and took out the cards.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter nine**

" **Orders and Friendship"**

In the afternoon Tom got to Mike's room and knocked.

"Come in", Tom heard and entered. To his astonishment Sasha was sitting on the couch. When Mike looked up he said, "Ah, Tom good to see you. I have some things to discuss with you, actually with both of you." He gestured Tom to sit down and handed him a sheet of paper. Tom looked at it while Mike explained the context of it.

"So, these are orders from the President. He wants you definitely on that plane the day after tomorrow. You and only you have to deliver the seeds. You are not allowed to give them to someone else except him. He will send you a driver who will bring you to the White House."

"That doesn't make sense. Why only me? The seeds are the most valuable things in the world. Why should it be only me to bring them home? I can't protect the seeds while my kids are with me. I can't leave them behind when we touch down."

"I know, I know." Mike told him. "Your kids are allowed to come with you. There is more".

"What?" Tom asked curiously between Mike and Sasha.

"It was planned that Sasha gets on the plane and brings the seeds back to St. Louis. She and other Navy Intelligent officers should bring them directly to the President. But they were ordered back. The President only wants you. Either he trust only you or it is a trap."

"You think…?" Tom couldn't end the sentence. "Then why should I do it alone now? And with the kids in tow. How can I protect the seeds when I have to protect my children?" Tom asked angrily again. He continued before Mike could interrupt him. "And everyone should know by now that I would protect my kids first before anything else. So why putting me in that position?" Tom was furious now, pacing through his former cabin.

"I don't know, Tom. I'm sorry. That was my exact thinking." Mike said with a sight, looking at Sasha. "This is why I asked Sasha to join you on the plane. So that you have someone to look after the kids if something will come up." "

Tom looked at Sasha. "So are you coming with me, then?" He asked hopefully.

Sasha looked distressed. "Tom, I don't know what is going on but there is definitely something going on. I was ordered back from my boss. I'm absolutely not allowed to be on that plane. I have to follow these orders since I blew up with the Fletcher incident to save my career." She hoped that he could see her sincerity.

"So you both are telling me that I don't have any backup and my kids can be at danger?"

"Yes, I'm sorry." Mike stated.

"No, I don't do this!" Tom said angry, looking at them in disbelieve. "Not with the kids. Mike, you of all people should know what they got through. I told you. It took me months to get them settled and it took over a year that they don't have nightmares any more about their mother dying in front of them and about the fact that they were forced to look at the execution of their Grandfather!"

"Please, Tom you have to see our point. Our hands are tied with this," Mike tried to reason with him.

"No, they are not. Since when do you follow orders when it is strictly against your gut feeling?" Tom asked angrily.

"I'm not you, Tom." Slattery replied angry. What was Tom thinking? " **You** were the man who didn't follow orders. **You** were the man who turned his back towards the US when the President ordered you to come home. You made the correct choice at that time. Without these actions we wouldn't have a cure. But, Tom, I'm not such a man. I follow orders. I fall in line. Like you wished three years ago. I can't afford to turn my back against the Navy and my country and go to a vacation for sixteen months." Mike becoming angry with the stubbornness of Tom Chandler.

"So this is all about my so called vacation? You are angry with me about that and put my kids in danger?" Tom returned, his voice getting louder. "Do you think that that so called vacation was really a vacation to me? I needed that break to come to terms with my life and to hold the dark thoughts at bay. At that time I only wanted to pull the trigger and makeing my kids orphans. Do you think that this is a wonderful experience to see the gun in your hands? That you actually consider to do it? I loved to be on the James, but I couldn't do it any more. I'm sorry that I haven't called or send you a postcard." Tom stormed out of the room, shutting the door with a loud bang and leaving Mike and Sasha agape behind.

Sasha stared at the closing door and jumped a little bit when it shuts with a bang. " _What was that? What did he just say? Pulling the trigger? Tom considering to commit suicide?_ "

"What…. What was that?" Sasha asked after she could wrap her thoughts around the things Tom just said. "He really considered to pull the trigger?"

"I don't know. But I've seen him on that plane, Sasha. He was devastated. He had bad thoughts, but I didn't know that it was that bad." Mike said still shocked of his friend's confession. Shaking his head he continued "You know I was furious with him when I saw this peaceful village and I thought really that he was on a vacation. Perhaps I thought wrong of him."

"It's the same with me. I never ever considered that he needed really that break. You know, it is Tom we are talking about. The mighty Tom Chandler who can do what he wants and be everybody's darling."

"Yeah, I know." Mike said deep in thoughts. And then he jumped up "You know, I have to go after him and talk about it. He's still my friend and I have to come to terms with all what happened." Mike went out of his room to find his friend and make things right. He knocked at Tom's door and opened it immediately. While entering he saw Tom turn around and face him.

"What do you want? Another accusations?" Tom asked mad.

"No, no at all. I wanted to apologize for my suggestions about the vacation." Mike said apologetic. "I'm really sorry and I didn't know what was going on with you." Mike said holding out his hand. He hoped that Tom would accept his apology. He didn't want to fight with him. Tom was and is his best friend after all. Tom got stiff the moment Mike entered the room. Seeing him now processing what Mike said, he could see him relaxing a little bit. _"Perhaps I haven't blown up our friendship"_ Mike thought.

With a sight, Tom took his hand immediately and hugged him. "Apology accepted." He wanted his friend and brother back. Tom gestured to the chair while he went to sit on his bed.

"Thank you. So it was that bad for you, then? Those suicidal thoughts?"

" Yes, it was. But it's a long story." Tom sighed.

"I have time, though" Mike answered curious to know what was going on in his friend. Tom nodded his head.

"I shot Shaw although she was unarmed. I only wanted revenge for all those people who got killed by her actions: Val, Mitchner, Tex, my Dad. But by doing so I didn't felt relief, I only felt guilt. I did the same Shaw did: Taking lives. How am I to be the one who judges who can live or die?" He asked. Mike knew Tom wasn't expecting an answer. Tom continued "I was responsible for the death of Rachel and my Dad."

" _What? What is he talking about?"_ Mike asked himself.

Tom continued "Did you know that Rachel came to my room that night and swayed her hips all the way? Her intentions visible. If I had taken Rachel to bed that night, she wouldn't be dead. I wasn't ready for another relationship. I had to mourn Darien and I thought it would be too early to introduce a new woman into my children's life. So I told her to be save and that she should find me when she has finished her task. She went back to her room and got shot because of my actions." Tom told. Mike knew that Rachel went to Tom's room but he didn't know that she wanted more of him than a normal friendship. Well, he could feel Tom's bad conscience. But no one could have seen ahead of what was happening that night.

"You aren't to blame, Tom. You couldn't know that the bastard was in the hotel and what he wanted to do. No one could have known. Don't be so hard against yourself."

"But, Mike it was **my** fault. She could have been save that night when I had given in." Tom argued.

"Yes, she could have been. But only for that one night. What about the other nights that would have come? You couldn't protect her. No one could."

Tom hang his head "And my father? When I had gone back to the US after we found you and the others on that island, my Dad and Tex would be alive." Tom argued again.

"But Tom, have you considered that perhaps you would be dead instead of these men?" Mike countered back. Playing the devil's advocate.

"Better me than any other men because of my actions." Tom said.

"And making your kids orphans? They lost their Mom for heavens sake. They would have been devastated when they would have lost you, Tom. You are the only person they have left!" Miked argued.

"Do you think I don't know that? But being responsible for so many deaths isn't something you want to walk around with pride."

"Oh course not. Have you thought about all the people you saved by bringing home the cure?"

"I didn't do that. That was Rachel."

"Oh no, it was Rachel who made the cure, but it was **you** who brought it back to the people. If you wouldn't be the person who you are, no one would be here any more." Mike's voice getting a little bit louder because he get depressed by the stubbornness of Tom Chandler.

Tom sighed and looked down at his hands. "Mike, I couldn't be the leader I was at that time 20 months ago." Tom confessed. Speaking the words for the first time out aloud. "I was so occupied with those thoughts that I couldn't think about a future and taking risks and go on with life as nothing had happened - so I left. Not thinking about leaving you or Sasha behind. I didn't thought at all. There was only a black hole inside of me. I functioned for the kids by making them something to eat but there was nothing more. We didn't laugh, we didn't talk. When I got back home, everything was destroyed. Someone, probably Shaw's men, rifled through our belongings in search for a glue to find my kids and father. Well, they found them and killed my father. You know the story. So when the nightmares didn't get better, I panicked and packed the bags and left St. Louis. I hadn't have a plan where to go. But I knew I couldn't stay in America. Too many people knew me and I wanted a low profile. So we went to Europe and we ended up in that Greek village."

"Again I'm sorry about what I said. I think I was jealous about your time off. It seemed you had a wonderful life there and no problems with any enemies. I didn't consider the other demons you had to fight" Mike said ashamed.

"I had a good life there, Mike." Tom confirmed looking in his eyes. "I had peace for a while. I had time to come to terms with my life and with my children. I had time to figure out what I have to do. And believe me or not, I thought about going back home and get in contact with you. But I'm honest, I didn't know how to contact you after all this time. When we settled down in Greece over four months had passed and calling the White House wasn't something I wanted to do. Considering that they could track my call back and know where to find me. So after so many months of no contact I thought it would be better to have no contact at all. I'm sorry, I didn't call."

"Ah, it's okay." Mike tried to appease him.

"No, it isn't." Tom said vehemently, knowing what Mike was up to. "You know, Alex and Yaya reminded me of my parents. They helped me with the kids. They could make them laugh, which I couldn't. With all those dark thoughts, I wasn't able to see the good things in life. Without the two of them I wouldn't be here any more, Mike. Alex hired me as a fisherman so that I had other things to think about and not to brood about my dark side. Being back at sea was something I missed terribly. And even if it was only a little boat, it felt a little bit like home. It was Alex who told me, that I can't run from destiny. And that it is my destiny to go back to the Navy and doing my job. Then Giorgio came along and killed Alex. So I went with Giorgio and that is how you found me back then in Sardinia."

Mike nodded his head, remembering the scene. "Yeah, it was Sasha who saw you first. She made a strange sound and looking at her I saw that something was wrong. So I looked in the direction of her gaze and saw you. I had to look twice to recognize you, but she knew directly who you were. I'm glad we found you there. I really missed you, you know." Mike said honestly.

"And I missed you and this ship and the crew. I didn't realized it till I got back to you all. Coming back onto the James was like coming home." Tom confessed.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. This ship is our home, Tom." Mike answered. "What I wanted to asked you since yesterday…." Looking at Tom a little nervous Mike hesitated "Why didn't you tell me that you got a girlfriend?"

"Cali?" Tom shrugged. "I don't know. Perhaps I was too ashamed that I got away from all the terrible work and could relax in that village and had a girl to shack with." He said nonchalantly.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't relax. If you would have done, you wouldn't know about the ship traffic in the Med or be with Giorgio at the time. So what is the real reason?"

Tom sighed "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. You all seemed not so pleased about my return and bothering you with my private life wasn't an option. So I pretended that everything was like it was before I left. I know I have to do a lot to get your and the other's trust back. I'm not blind to the looks they give me since I came back on board."

They sat in silence for a little bit till Tom asked changing the subject "So you think it's a trap?"

"It's what my gut says." Mike confirming Tom's suggestion. "Let me think about an option we both can live with. We should talk about it tomorrow."

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Looking up they saw Sasha entering the room.

"Hey, I wanted you to know that I called my boss. He confirmed again that I'm not allowed on the plane and that no one has to interfere in the great mission of getting Tom Chandler back to the US."

The two men looked at her. "What is he thinking? Mission of me getting back? Why should it be a mission?What is really going on?"

"I don't know, Tom. I really wanna know, too." Sasha said honestly.

"Ah another topic I wanted to talk with you about." Mike said to Tom. "As you know President Oliver had to give your position as CNO to someone else. It's Admiral Jonathan Smith now. So you can't be CNO again, if you thought going back and getting back your former position."

"Nah, I know I blew up my career when I walked away. I really didn't thought about getting my rank back when I joined you again. And honestly, I don't want that position back. It was very interesting and I would love to do the job, if I would be single and not a single parent. The working hours are miserable and with two children waiting for you to come home and wondering if you would be home at night isn't something a single parent should do. So I have to look for something else."

"Okay. That's a point. Any thoughts about what you want to do then?" Mike asked.

"Not really. I hope the President can come up with something interesting but working hours from 8am to 5pm. So I'm able to get the kids to school and be home when they come back."

"Well, interesting working hours. Wish I have them too," Mike stated. "But who knows, perhaps he has something in mind for you. So you came to terms to be on your own with the kids?"

"Had to, you know." Tom replied. The two men went on leaving Sasha out of their conversation. "But it was difficult to adjust and doing all the stuff Darien did. I wondered often how she had done all the things all those years. Thinking about food, cloths, school, everything." Mike nodded knowing what Chandler tried to say. Christine had done all those things too.

Sasha got a little bit uncomfortable with the topics and excused herself by telling them to look at some things. Tom followed her with his eyes, knowing exactly why she left. Mike on the other side didn't get it at all and asked "Why is she leaving? What does she have to work at?"

Tom eyed his friend with an incredulous look on his face. "Oh Mike, you should take a course in interpersonal relationships."

"Ha ha ha." he replied annoyed.

"Really. There was a course of lectures at the Academy twice a year. Every future Captain had to participate." Tom answered with a serious face.

"And now you tell me, there was a test at the end of the course."

"Yep, there was." Tom answered and gave him another serious look. "And you know what, got the best score ever."

"Seriously? There is a course for that bullshit?"

"Yeah, you can ask Meylan about it. He had passed the test."

"And why would you know about that, huh?" Mike asked nervously.

"Cause we participated at the same course," he said dryly while keeping a straight face.

"Will do." Mike was definitely irritated by now. So he changed the topic again and caught Tom red-handed. "What is going on between you and Sasha?"

"What? Nothing." Tom answered immediately.

"Bullshit." Mike paced in the room. "There is something, Tom. What is it?"

"I said nothing is going on with us." When Tom saw Mike's questioning eyes he continued. "You should really take that specific course, Mike. It would explain some things to you, you know?" Tom tried to get out of the treadmill but Mike gave him a look that said no arguing with me. He sighed. "I'm still in love with her, Mike. I tried not to be but I don't get her out of my mind. She is still haunting my dreams and she is constantly on my mind since I saw her back in Asia. And therefore I hadn't told you or her about Cali, because I feared that she wouldn't want me back. You know, she has a wicked right hook."

"Oh I know all about that hook. Was in the way and got it instead of the bad guy." Both men grinned.

"So we are good, then?" Mike asked.

"Yes, Mike. And thank you for everything you have done so far."

"That's what friends are for."

"I'm glad I have my brother back, Mike." Tom said relieved.

"Me too, Tom. Me too."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter ten**

" **The pilothouse"**

Tom joined Meylan at the pilothouse where he also found his son sitting in the chair of the CO.

"You comfortable with it?" he asked Sammy and pointed at the chair.

"Yes, I like it very much," Sam answered with pride.

"I can relate to that. Never got disappointed sitting in there."

"So, my new CO is leading us more and more to our destination," Meylan mentioned and pointed at Sam. "He will make a great Captain like his father."

Tom looked puzzled, his son beamed. Mike joint them and couldn't held back a grin seeing his Godson in his chair. He asked himself " _Why is it that the Chandler guys don't give up this seat that easy?"_ He turned to Tom and said "Your son here is making a good Captain. Must be the genes." Tom grinned back at him and nodded.

"So, I heard from this smartass," Mike pointed at Tom, "that there is a course at the Academy every future captain has to participate. And that you, Jo, participated with Tom at some point."

Meylan looked puzzled, but after seeing Tom wink he got along. "What course, Mike?"

"The interpersonal relationships. Heard that you and Tom were together at that course."

Meylan smiled "Yes, we both had a great time. Why do you ask? Haven't you had the pleasure to participate?"

"No, didn't know about that."

"Oh, I wonder how you got the job as CO without it," Meylan mused.

"Well, his former CNO turned a blind eye to that," Tom said and winked again.

"I see." Meylan said in a tone Mike didn't like.

"What? That a problem, Jo?" Mike asked still not aware that they played a game.

"Yeah, can cost you your leadership." Meylan replied dryly.

"What?" Slattery was paling slightly.

Master Chief and Sasha followed their conversation with interest. They both entered the scene a little while ago and were hooked up. Jeter didn't know how to put the interaction of the captains in space but Sasha knew exactly what was going on. She saw Tom's mischievous eyes and his relaxed body language. He reminded her of the time where she could call him her own. She loved the playing side of him.

Sam also saw the playing side of his father and was happy to see him like that. He missed it. But on the other side he felt sorry for his Uncle. Uncle Mike allowed him most times to be here at the pilothouse and even sit in his chair. So he thought he owned him something. He said "Uhm, Uncle Mike, Dad is mocking you!"

Tom looked at his son in disbelief. His own flesh and blood stabbed him in the back.

"What? I don't know what you are talking about, buddy."

Mike looked from Sam to Tom and then to Meylan. Both men still kept a straight face. Then his gaze returned to Sam, then Jeter and Sasha. The last two couldn't hold back their grins and something in Mike clicked. "You are such a dweeb, Chandler."

Tom burst into laughter "Your face was absolutely worth it. Couldn't resist to mock you a little bit before I have to leave." Turning to his son "And you traitor, gets detention to knife me." He went over to Sam and took him into a playful headlock.

"But Dad, I don't know what you are talking about," Sam said with a copy of his father's mischievous grin.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter eleven**

" **Confrontation"**

The next day Tom went by the wardroom to get to his quarters when he saw Sasha sitting at the table deeply in her thoughts. He leaned onto the door frame and watched her. He thought about the things Ashley said to him. _"Can it be that she is still in love with me too?"_

Sasha didn't notice him cause she was too deep in her own world wondering about her mixed feelings towards a certain blue eyed captain. She loved the little banter Tom and Mike had in the pilothouse yesterday. It was like old times. Seeing Tom with this grin on his face and the fun he had, warmed her heart immediately. But then her thoughts went to the day he left the ship and said his goodbyes to her with this amazing kiss. She was so heartbroken at that time. Self-doubt creeping into her and she asked herself not for the first time why she wasn't able to stop him from leaving her and the crew. Why he hadn't talked to her about his feelings and actions. Why he had turned to another woman than rather turning to her. It hurt her a lot. Seeing him with Cali. Imagining the things they had done together.

"Penny for your thoughts," he greeted her.

Startled Sasha looked up. "Hey, there. What's up?"

"You tell me. Everything okay?" Tom asked concerned.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything is alright."

"If you need someone to talk to, we can talk." Tom said and hoping to get a reaction that she still cared about him.

Sasha wasn't prepared for a conversation with him. Not after her thoughts she just had. She got annoyed because he was the last person she wanted to talk to because he was the subject she wanted to talk about. "If I want to talk about something with someone, it will certainly not be you."

"Woah, Sasha. Calm down." Tom raised his hands. "I just thought that you need someone to talk. Nothing more. Jesus."

"Like I said, it isn't you I want to talk with."

"Fine. I don't know what I have done to you to deserve your reaction but I don't have the strength to argue with you." Tom sighed

Sasha was now really pissed "You don't know what you have done?"

"No. I don't. Everything seemed fine between us. But since we got my kids back and went to the village, you are acting weird. So tell me what I have done to get you in that state of mind." Tom getting annoyed too.

"Well Tom, perhaps it has something to do with you leaving me and getting a new girlfriend. Have you ever planned to tell me about her?" She stated with a hurt voice. "So Tom enlighten me about her."

"Sasha," he sighed. "I think we shouldn't have this conversation in here. Let's go to your room or mine."

"No, if you want a conversation with me then it has to be here or leave."

Tom wasn't prepared about this topic and her childish behavior. What had he thought? Getting a confirmation that she still loved him? How could he be so stupid? Believing a twelve year old kid. He was so angry about himself that he handled the conversation in the only way he shouldn't do it.

"You know what Sasha, I'll leave. I don't need to be treated like shit even if I hurt you. And you are lucky. I'm leaving tomorrow with my kids so you don't need to see me around for the next weeks. You have the ship on your own again and nothing will remind you of me being around. I thought that we could talk like adults and become friends again or something more. But I see, you have no interest in that. Good bye Miss Cooper." Tom turned around and stormed out of the wardroom leaving a desperate Sasha behind.

"Well, this went well, Sasha. What is wrong with you? Why can't you get over the fact that he moved on with that girl like you did with Fletcher?" Sasha asked herself.

Little did they know that Ashley and Azima overheard them. Both looked into the wardroom and saw an unhappy Sasha with tears in her eyes. Azima and Ashley changed a look. Azima said "Okay, you go to your Dad and I talk to that stubborn woman. Perhaps I can get some sense into her head."

* * *

Ashley knocked on the door and entered immediately. Her father was lying in bed with his face to the ceiling. Tears were shining in his eyes. He turned his head and saw Ashley standing in the doorway.

"Hey, sweetheart, everything alright?" he asked. While he was standing up and coming to her, he wiped his eyes.

"Yes. You okay, Dad?"

"Sure." He replied not wanting to worry her.

"Dad, I heard you and Sasha back down the way. She shouldn't talk to you like that. You don't deserve that." Ashley said.

"I do. I wasn't nice to her when I left the ship and I think she has to come to terms with her feelings. So I give her the time to sort out her things and hope that she is willing to give me another chance." Tom replied and to lead their conversation away he added. "Have you enjoyed playing cards with Miller yesterday? "

"Yes, he is really good. Perhaps I'll go down there later. He is so bored." Ashley said, then more carefully "Dad? Do you think that Danny is getting better? He was so full of negative thoughts. I haven't seen him like this before."

"I don't know but I hope he will recover fully. It was the first time for him to get wounded that bad. The free days in bed with nothing to do leads your thoughts sometimes in a direction you don't want to go: Thinking about the close call. Thinking about wife and children. It all leads to the question if the mission is worthy to get shot or if family and children are more important than a career."

"Did you had such thoughts, too?"

"Yes, I had. But I hadn't a wife or kids at the time I was that bad injured. It was only your grandparents and my siblings. And you know I really could relinquish your Uncle Ben. But your Aunt Theresa was there for me and she kicked my ass to come to terms and to go on with my life."

"If she was that clucking hen like she was with us, then it was torture for you." Ashley chuckled.

"Exactly. It was torture. And to get away from it, I mobilized everything what strength was in me to go to rehab and be out of her way." Tom smiled at the memory of his beloved sister. Despite that she could sometimes be a pain in the ass she was his favorite sibling and they stuck together thru thin and thick. He wished he had her at his side the last 20 months.

"So you're okay Dad?"

"Yes, all is well. Thank you Ash."

* * *

Azima entered the wardroom and closed the door. This conversation didn't need any audience. Sasha looked up at her "What?" she asked annoyed.

"Nothing." Azima said in a nonchalant voice and walked over to the coffee machine. Leaving Sasha not out of her sight she poured herself a mug of coffee and sitting down next to Sasha.

"What?" Sasha asked again.

"Well, why are you so bitchy against the Captain?" Azima asked her.

"I'm not bitchy." Sasha responded.

"Yes, you are. He only wanted to know what's on your mind. And you? You chopped off his head instead. What's wrong with you? Everyone can see that he is in love with you." Azima stated, looking into a puzzled face. Sasha couldn't believe what Kandie just said.

"He isn't. I know him. Nobody would see his feelings especially not on the ship. He is always guarded." Sasha returned.

"Maybe this was before I met him. Now everyone can see his feelings for you. Is it still the girlfriend who is bothering you or what?"

Sasha sighed and let out a loud breath. "I don't know what is going on with me. It's so complicated."

Azima touched her arm and squeezed it a little bit to comfort her "Then talk about it. Perhaps this will bring you in the right direction."

Sasha looked at her and let out a deep sigh "I … I don't know where to start." She said truthfully.

"You are thinking to much." Azima said. "I have an idea. Answer my questions without thinking. Just say what comes on your mind. Okay?" Sasha nodded. "Which kind of animals do you like most?"

"Cats."

"Do you like your job?"

"Yes, very much."

"What do you dislike of Tom?"

"That he's always thinking in black or white."

"What do you like of Tom the most?"

"His smile. His strength. Hell, all of him." They both smiled at this statement.

"Are you okay to see Tom with another woman at his side?"

"NO. I don't like the thought."

"You're jealous." It wasn't meant as a question more than a statement but Sasha replied "Yes I am."

"What is holding you back, then?"

"His kids, my fear of loosing him again."

"Why are you scared?"

"Loosing him again would break me forever. I wouldn't be able to put myself together again. It hurt so much letting him go when I broke up with him all those years ago." Sasha whispered.

"Are you still in love with him?"

"Yes I am." Sasha's eyes widen as she took in the amount of her revelation.

"What is holding you back? Go get to him and make a move. He will leave the ship tomorrow morning and you won't see him again for at least three weeks. You can figure it out if you want a relationship with him by then. But give him a sign that you're still interested."

"No, I can't do this. I'll figure it out what to do when we are on the way back home."

"What happens when he thinks that you don't want him and a woman is hitting on him? Can you live with the lost opportunity?" Azima asked provocative and walked away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter twelve**

" **Leaving the Nathan James"**

The crew was in an exciting mood. They would dock in one and a half hour, get the wounded out to the airport, fueling the ship, get supplies and then leaving the Med with full speed to go home. Everyone was looking forward.

Tom had slept miserable. His little fight with Sasha was gnawing at him and he didn't want to leave with a bad word. He would respect her request to give her time, but not leaving her alone. He had to try not to give up on her. He succeeded all those years apart from her to convince himself that she was only another woman who he loved for a period of time. But after all those weeks and months wondering what she is doing and if she is alright, he only saw the fool in himself. Who is he kidding? He loved Darien a lot and loved her even more as the mother of his children, but Sasha was and is the love of his life. So he has to try to convince her that he is worth her. He doesn't quite know how to do it but he has three weeks to come up with a plan to get his woman back.

Little did he know that on the other side of the gangway Sasha was thinking about him and their encounter too. Why had she been such a bitch to him? It gnawed at her. She knew that she didn't want to end things the way their conversation went the other day. Getting no sleep Sasha left her room at some point in the middle of the night to get something to drink. Coming back to her room she opened her door and saw something laying on the floor: It was a letter.

* * *

They saw each other at breakfast. She was sitting at a table with Azima and Wolf when Tom came inside with his kids. They locked eyes for a moment and neither of them wanted to break it. But Tom had to move forward. Grabbing their trays the kids went to the table, leaving Tom no choice to sit opposite of Sasha.

"Morning."

"Morning, Sir." Azima and Wolf replied. Sasha kept silent not knowing how to managed the situation and the content of the letter she got last night.

" _Well, a very good morning to you too, Tom,_ " Tom thought. His children looked from him to Sasha.

After a time Tom broke the silence. "Sasha, I want to apologize for running away yesterday. It wasn't the best thing I've done but it seemed the only way for me at that moment. Look, I respect your wish to get more time to come to terms with everything that happened to you. I'm on my way in a good hour and you won't see me for at least three weeks. I hope it gives you the space and time to sort out your feelings. Have a safe trip home." He stood up, grabbed his tray and left the mess leaving puzzled faces and stunned persons behind. Wolf looked at Azima and Azima looked at Sasha who hadn't said anything.

"Well, that was a nice speech," Azima told, breaking the silence once again.

"Yeah, it was," Wolf replied. "What was that about, Sasha?"

Getting her back to the now and here, Sasha looked at him and said "I have to go." And with that she left the room without cleaning up.

* * *

Sasha went straight to Tom's room and burst inside without knocking. He was standing at his bed, putting the last things in his bag. It reminded her of the day he left the ship 20 months ago.

"What was that about?" she asked furious.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked.

"I'm talking about your little speech."

"Well, I don't know what you didn't understand. But the main part was me apologizing to you for running away. So if you didn't get it ten minutes ago, I will repeat it: I am sorry that I run away yesterday. I couldn't handle the situation. So I thought it was the best way to retreat. And I do respect your wish to come to terms with your situation without me interrupting."

"So that's it, then?" Sasha asked.

"What do you want from me, Sasha?" Tom asked dejected.

"I …. I …." Sasha couldn't put her thoughts into words.

So she acted in a way neither of them had expected. She shot towards him, gabbed his collar and kissed him hard onto the mouth. First Tom stood astonished and then he took over the kiss. He grabbed her cheeks in both of his hands, and drew her even nearer to him. He parted her lips with his tongue and she gave him willingly access. She ran her hands from his shoulders to the back of his neck leaning further into him. Their kiss got heated and Tom grabbed her butt, slammed her at the wall and pressing himself into her. His hands moved from her butt to the hem of her shirt and slid under it. Sasha moaned at the sensation of feeling his fingers on her heated skin.

The sound of her moan brought them back to reality. They looked at each other. Slowly Tom removed his hands from under her shirt and stepped a little bit back with a grin on his face.

"You want to tell me that I have to put on my uniform and that whatever is broken we can fix it?" Tom asked remembering her last words 20 months ago.

Sasha smiled up at him remembering the same scene. "Something like that," she replied.

"Well, I'm still wearing my uniform and I'm only leaving the ship not the Navy so there is no need for such a speech." Tom chuckled.

"I wanted you to know that I want to sort things out and that ..." She trailed off.

"… that you will give me another chance and that you won't kick my ass?" Tom asked hopefully.

"Yep. Something like that," Sasha replied with a smile.

"Good. So I see you in three weeks?" Tom asked hopefully.

"Yes. Be careful with the seeds and have a safe trip back home." She said and turned to leave his room. "Say my goodbyes to your kids, please. And by the way you have a remarkable daughter, Tom Chandler."

"I love you." Tom blurted out.

Sasha smiled and walked away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter thirteen**

" **Plane to catch"**

The Chandler family made their way up to the gate. Mike, Meylan, Jeter, Wolf and Azima were standing there and waiting for them.

Mike approached him "Tom, Wolf will get you safely to the airport and will make sure everything will be okay." He handed him a bag "In this bag are the seeds. I wish you a safe trip and bring the cargo home."

Tom took the bag in his hands and looked his friend in the eye. "Thank you Mike for all you've done for me. I appreciate it. I hope that everything will go well with this bag here. Looking forward to see you back home. Please call and perhaps we can all have a barbecue at my place."

"Sounds nice. Will do." With that he turned to the kids. "So Sam, Ashley. I wish you a safe trip home. And Sam thank you for being my navigator the last two days. It was a pleasure."

"Bye, Uncle Mike." They sang back. He hugged them and went away.

Tom and his kids went down the gangway not looking back. Neither of them saw the lonely figure standing at the railing with tears in her eyes.

* * *

Sitting in the plane for at least half an hour Tom got nervous. Take off was scheduled half an hour ago and there was no sign that they will move soon. So he went to the cockpit.

"What is going on? Why are we still standing here?" he asked.

"Sorry Sir, but we got a call that we have another injured sailor to take back home."

"What? What happened? Who is it?" he asked. His thoughts ran directly to Sasha and hoped that she was alright.

"We only know that someone got hurt and that we have to wait till she is here."

" _She? Oh God, please let it not be Sasha_ ," he prayed silently.

"When we get further information we will inform you, Sir."

He nodded and went back to his seat. His kids looked up with questioning eyes.

"Someone got hurt and they are waiting for this person to catch the plane. So we have to wait a little bit longer," he explained the situation to his kids. "Uhm, Ash, before we left the ship Sasha mentioned you in some sort of way. What is going on between you and her?" he asked.

"Ah, nothing." Ashley tried to sound innocent.

"I know your nothing," Tom stated. "So spit it out."

Ashley was looking for a way out when she spotted the injured person. "Uhm Dad, there is the injured person we were waiting for." She said and pointed to the woman at the door.

Tom turned around and all his blood froze in his veins. The person who got hurt was indeed the only person he hoped not to see: Sasha. He jumped on his feet and got to her.

"What happened?" he asked concerned.

Rios was standing behind her and answered for her "She fell down a few steps. Leaving her with a mild concussion and probably a broken arm. If she is lucky it's only bounced. I can't tell for sure. She needs a X-ray done to be sure. She has to lay down all the time and isn't allowed to walk around. We both know her, so make sure of that." Rios was looking at Tom with an earnest face "Her arm has to rest in the loop. Operation will be home in the States. She is full of pain killers. So she should be okay. If not, here are some pills she can take every six hours." He handed Tom the pills.

Tom nodded that he had understood and dismissed him. He led Sasha to the next bed and took her in. "Wasn't the order that you aren't allowed on the plane under all circumstances? Is that a desperate move to be close to me?"

Sasha snorted. "You wish."

Tom grinned. Seeing the doors closing and the team getting ready to take off, Tom walked back to his kids and sat down. They took off immediately. After a while the kids got sleepy. Some seats weren't occupied so the kids could lay down and get some sleep. After some time Tom grabbed a blanket and threw it over his sleeping daughter. Giving her a kiss on her forehead. He turned around to do the same with Sam but he couldn't find another blanket. So he took off his jacket and covered his sleeping son with it. Giving him also a kiss on his forehead. Looking around to see Sasha watching him, he strode towards her.

"I hope you don't need another blanket. Seems that we are out," he told her.

"Well, you still wear a T-Shirt which you can give me if I need something." she replied with a mischievous grin.

"You wish. You only want to see me strip." he said teasing her.

"Uhm, remembering your body you wouldn't disappoint me," she grinned.

"Miss Cooper, shouldn't you be resting and not thinking such things?" he asked.

"Well, resting isn't my thing," she replied playing along their conversation some days ago.

"No? You mind if I stay here a little bit at your side?"

"Sounds like a good plan," she responded.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter fourteen**

" **The Letter** "

They both sat in comfortable silence for some time. Both steeling glances at the other when they thought that the other part wasn't looking. When their gazes met they smiled at one another but didn't say anything. After a while he asked her in a low voice "What happened on the ship?"

Sasha took a deep breath and answered in the same low voice "Well, I watched you go off the ship and when I went to my room, I slipped and fell down the stairs." She said sheepishly.

"You fell down the stairs? Doesn't sound like you. What happened really?" Tom asked.

"Like I said, I went down to my room and fell" Sasha replied again. But seeing him with an annoyed look on his face she continued "Okay, I slipped because I couldn't see the steps. Because … because there were tears in my eyes. You're happy now?"

Tom looked at her in disbelief. _She had tears in her eyes? Why? Because of him? He blurted out that he loved her and she left him without any word. So could it be that she still loves him?_ He asked himself. Tom took Sasha's hand in his and led it to his mouth. Pressing a gentle kiss to her palm. "No, I'm not happy Sasha. I don't want you to get hurt. What if you have slipped and broken your neck? I don't want to loose you again. Please be careful the next time. Promise."

Sasha was overwhelmed hearing him to confess he loved her for the second time on the same day. She only smiled at him and hoped he would see that she cared about him as well as he did with her. But she couldn't say anything to him. She wasn't ready to confess her feelings to him.

* * *

Sasha woke up a little bit later not realizing that she had fallen asleep a while ago. She looked around the plane. Tom's kids were still sleeping, so were Miller and Green in their beds next to her. She looked on the left side and saw Tom resting his head on her mattress, still holding her hand in his. Sasha would have given everything to ran her other hand through his hair but with the loop she couldn't do it. Therefore she enjoyed the feeling and his company and watched him sleeping. His features were relaxed. Her thoughts went to the previous night.

 **Flashback**

After she came back from the mess with a bottle of water in her hands, she found the letter. Curious who wrote her a letter and about its content, she opened it and began to read

 _Dear Sasha,_

 _perhaps you are questioning yourself why I would write you a letter. The first time I saw you, was at the airport in St. Louis after my Dad came to the plane and got us out of Shaw's claws. The next time I saw your picture in his wallet and then when you came to take us back to the ship._

 _As I told you, my Dad talked about you when I showed him the picture. He told me that you were his student at the Naval Academy and he was your teacher. At the beginning you were only his student but at some point he saw you with other eyes (his exact words). When he talked about you on that afternoon in Greece, his eyes were shining and there was a sparkle in them I hadn't seen for quite a while. When I remember correctly the last time I saw that expression of hope and love was the day my Dad said his goodbyes to my Mom and went to the ship to get ready for the Arctic._

 _I heard you and Azima talking in the shower. And Azima said, that when we see the glow of his eyes every time he looks at you, we would do everything to make our Dad happy. And Azima is right. We would do everything. He did so much for us the last 20 months..._

 _Our Dad was so devastated when he got to us the other day in St. Louis. It was like he was a robot. He got us something to eat or drink, he went with us to get some things. But he wasn't there like we were used to. He was in a really bad mood. He had to deal with our nightmares which wasn't that simple for him. I think we went away because everything reminded him about the things and persons we lost. So we ran away. But running away wasn't bringing our Dad back to us._

 _When we arrived at Yaya's and Alex's house we felt welcomed. Both of them were like Grandparents to Sam and me. They took us into their arms, they laughed with us. Laughing at that point wasn't something we did that much like we were used to before the pandemic. Dad always had a joke on his mind and made us laugh with simple things back in the day. But not since Grandpa died. Sometimes Alex could bring him to laugh or when Sam tried to explain to him something and gotten everything wrong. His laugh is music to our ears because he does it so rarely._

 _Well, Dad had a girlfriend, Cali. We didn't like her that much. She was selfish and sometimes we had the feeling that she didn't like us. She wanted Dad for herself. But she changed Dad in a positive way. He was getting more and more to his old self. He laughed more but not so much we were used to. His mood was better at times. But his eyes were still blank. There was no fire in them but he got along. He helped Alex as a fisherman and helped to fix the house. But he is still not at the point were he was when he left for the Arctic._

 _And then I saw you at Yaya's place and his eyes were following you. And there it was, the fire, my old Dad. He is so in love with you, Sasha. Although I'm only 12 nearly 13 years old, I can tell if he is in love with another woman or not. He was definitely not in love with Cali. But he is with you. He looks at you with longing and love in his eyes like he used to do with my Mom._

 _You told Azima that Sam and I have to be his priority. That there couldn't be us and you. You were afraid that we don't like you._

 _I appreciate it very much, that you make us his priority and that you would rather be alone than with him if it means he had to decide between you or us._

 _So to answer your fears: WE LIKE YOU. And we like you even more when you make our Dad happy._

 _I know I can't force you to love my Dad. But I want you to consider to give him another chance. To show you that he_ _ **is**_ _worth it. It's okay when you come to the conclusion that he isn't worth it, but you tried and that is the main issue. Right?_

 _We will be leaving early tomorrow to get to the plane. Dad said something that we have to see the President first when we come home. After that we will go to the house and see if we can live there. So when you will arrive in St. Louis we might be not at the house. Therefore please don't think that we are on the run again. Just find us._

 _In hope we can see us in three weeks,_

 _Ashley_

Sasha was shaking and crying and had to read the letter multiple times. It was too overwhelming. She hadn't expected such a letter from a 12 year old kid. There was a lot of Tom Chandler within his daughter.

Her thoughts wandered to him and their conversation some hours ago. _"Why was I so annoyed at him earlier in the day?"_ She asked herself. " _Is Azima right about me thinking too much? Why can't I accept the fact that he had to move on with someone else so he could heal? Why does it hurt so much seeing him with another woman? Not only with Cali but with Lucia too. Lucia was so angry at him and wanted revenge for what he did. What had he done to her?"_ Sasha was convinced that he had slept with her. The way Lucia looked at him at the Colosseum said enough. " _Did he really made love to her? Was it only a game for him?"_ Sasha's eyes looked down at the letter again.

Her thoughts swirled around her head and one in particular: _Why does it hurt so much seeing him with another woman?_ A little voice broke through her thoughts and said "Because you love him and you don't know how to handle the situation. You are too afraid of the future."

"Oh shut off" Sasha tried to silence the little voice inside of her and the thoughts which let her come to the conclusion that she couldn't run from her destiny.

 **End Flashback**

Looking at his sleeping form Sasha realized that she really couldn't run from her destiny. She loved him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter fifteen**

" **Ambush"**

When the plane touched down in St. Louis Tom got nervous. He hadn't figured out how to get the seeds to the president and make sure that his kids were save at the same time. Looking out of the window he saw some ambulances and cars waiting for all of them. A person got out of one of the cars, it was Andrea.

Heading down the gangway with his kids he greeted her "Hey Ansch, so nice to see you again. How are you?"

Andrea replied with a fat grin on her face "Hey, it's so good to see you again, too. I'm fine. How was the flight?"

"Pretty good. Although I had to keep an eye on this stubborn sailor." Tom pointed to Sasha who was standing behind him.

"Ha ha ha." Sasha rolled her eyes at him.

Andrea smiled at their little banter. "Hey Sasha, heard you got in trouble. I was asked to bring you to the hospital. Your boss wasn't pleased to hear about your injury." Sasha grimaced.

"Can you take my kids with you, Andrea? I have to see the president and I don't want them to come with me." Tom asked her hopefully.

Andrea shrugged her shoulders "Well, I think that is okay with my orders. After I brought Sasha to the hospital, I'll go home. You can pick them up at my place."

"Okay kids take your bags, say goodbye to your dad and come with me." Andrea said.

Ashley and Sam looked a little shocked at their father. They wanted to go with him because they were afraid to leave him behind. "And what about you Dad?" Ashley asked. "Where do you pick us up?"

Tom looked from them to Andrea. "Well, when I'm done I'll come to Andrea's house and get you." He told them. "You'll see I won't be too late, promise."

Both his kids hang their shoulders. He made a step towards them and took them into his arms, giving them a kiss on their forehead. Tom grabbed them a little bit tighter than normal and saying his goodbyes in his mind. He had a feeling that he won't see them in the near future.

When his kids went to the car he said to Andrea "Thank you for taking them. I don't know when I can pick them up."

Andrea's hand squeezed his arm "You're welcome, Tom. You'll see, everything will be fine. Your car is waiting at the end of this row. Taylor will drive you." She said and turned around giving Sasha and him time to say their goodbyes.

"So, this is it, then. Be careful Tom and watch your six." Sasha said to him with a concerned face trying not to take him into her arms.

"I will Sasha. And you go to the hospital and get checked out. And please do me a favor: Look after Miller and Green when you're there. And my kids too, please." Tom said with a sad face. He wanted to touch and kiss her so badly but he couldn't afford to get caught. They were still on a military base. "I ..."

She cut him off "I know Tom. Be safe." She said and turned around.

Tom watched the car with his beloved ones inside leaving. He sighed and turned to get to his waiting driver. "Sergeant Taylor," he nodded.

"Captain Chandler, welcome back. Let me take your bags and then we can start getting to the White House." Taylor replied.

Tom sat in the passengers seat and looking outside the window not registering the city flying by. His thoughts were interrupted from Taylor, "Sir? Someone is following us." Tom looked shocked and turned around to see who is following them. He only could see a black Range Rover with a darkened front shield.

"You have some guns with you?" Tom asked.

"No, Sir, unfortunately not. I didn't think that we would need them. Sorry, Sir." Taylor said with an apologetic look on his face.

They turned around the corner of the street with squeaking tires and tried to shake off the other car. None of them saw the other vehicle coming from the left. It crashed against the drivers side.


	16. Chapter 16

Sorry for not posting in a while. I was on vacation and couldn't post anything.

 **Chapter** **16**

" **Best** **made** **plans** "

"It is done, Sir. Chandler is eliminated and the seeds are in our hands."

"Very good. What about Cooper? Have you handled her?

"Thomson is following her. It seems she's really injured. She is heading to the hospital with Chandler's kids and Commander Garnett."

"You are sure Chandler is dead and the seeds are in our hands?"

"Yes Sir, absolutely."

"Good. Kill Cooper and the kids. We don't need them for a negotiation."

"Yes Sir."

* * *

Somewhere in St. Louis Andrea navigated the car towards the hospital. "Someone is following us," she said looking in the rear view mirror.

"What?" Sasha asked concerned looking back. "Black SUV?"

"Jep. I wasn't sure till now. But it's following us since the airport."

"You have some guns in here?" Sasha asked while taking the brace off her arm.

"I have. They are under your seat." Andrea answered. "But you shouldn't do anything with your injured arm." She said concerned.

"Well," Sasha had a smirk on her face. Turning to the kids she said "Keep your heads down. If something happens to you, your dad will eat me alive."

While Sasha took out the guns Andrea shot down the street with maximum speed in hope to get to the safety of the military hospital. Unfortunately the black SUV could hold the speed and came up beside Sasha's side. A mistake Thomson realized too late. Sasha rolled down her window and shot at the driver missing him only by an inch. The next shot hit the front tires. Thompson couldn't handle the situation and his car crashed into a street lamp, while Andrea drove towards the hospital which came in sight straight ahead.

"Kids, you can come back up. The car isn't following us anymore." Sasha said to Ashley and Sam. "Are you okay?"

Both of them nodded and were looking at her with wide opened eyes. Sam was the first one to get his voice back "Woah, Sasha this was amazing. How did you learn to shoot like this?"

Sasha smiled at him and answered "Well, I learned it at the Naval Academy and your dad showed me a lot and trained with me."

"Dad shows and explains a lot to us, too. Was he a good teacher back then?" Sam asked.

"Oh yes, he was and is a good teacher. I learned a lot from him." Sasha answered enthusiastically.

"Oh Sam,"Andrea interrupted them parking the car at the hospital,"your father is a great teacher and leader. "

"Do you think he is okay?"Ashley asked concerned. "Do you know why they wanted to kill us?"

"Well, Ash your father was supposed to get the seeds to the president. I think those men wanted us for a negotiation. The seeds for you. Your dad would do everything to help and rescue you two. That's why you're with me at the moment. My job was and is to protect you while he is away. "Sasha answered honestly.

They got out of the car and Sam took Sasha by surprise as he swung his arms around her and hugged her tightly "You are our guardian angel, Sasha. Thank you."

Sasha was so overwhelmed that she couldn't reply anything, she only stood there and hugged him back. After a while she said "Let's move inside. I have to find Miller."

Andrea looked puzzled "Why Miller? We should get going and find a doctor for you."

"After I found Miller and phoned Tom I'll find a doctor for me. Although I know his diagnose." Sasha said with a wicked smile on her face.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter** **17**

" **Best** **made** **plans II** "

When Tom got back to consciousness he came beware of his surroundings. People were shouting and running outside in the street. He turned his head towards Smith and saw blood running from his ear and skull, eyes wide open.

"Sir, can you hear me? Are you okay?" A woman asked him.

"I...I think so. What happened?" he asked, ignoring the pain in his chest and on his forehead.

"A black car crashed in your car, some men jumped out and snatched something from you. A bag? Or something like that." she explained.

"Oh God, the seeds!" Tom thought and looked frantically for the bag but couldn't find it. The seeds were gone.

* * *

Some minutes later another car stopped and some military men got out. Two of them went to the people who gathered around. The third person, Lambert, Tom knew from his time as CNO, came to Chandler's side. "Sir, what happened? Where are the seeds?"

"I don't know, Lambert. Someone crashed into the car and took the seeds with them. I don't know who it was or where they went. Perhaps she can tell you more," he said and pointed to the woman who helped him earlier.

After some time the three men came back to Chandler. "Sir, we came to the conclusion that it was all a set up. Your driver was ordered to take an other route than this. It was all planned to catch you here and steal the seeds."

"Well, I figured that by myself. What now?" Tom asked.

"We got the order to bring you straight to the President." Lambert told him and gestured to the waiting car.

While sitting in the back of the car Tom tried to process what happened but his fear of his kid's safety blocked the processing. A thought came to his mind so quickly that he couldn't grab it tightly and slipped away.

Chandler stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. He was back at the White House with empty hands. He walked to the building with a hanging head and went inside.

"Tom, it is so good to see you" President Oliver greeted him. Looking in Tom's face and seeing the blood he took a step back and asked concerned "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Sir. We...we were ambushed, Sir." Tom replied. He was going to say more, but was interrupted by a man sitting in a chair.

"So the great Tom Chandler has lost the most valuable thing in the world?" he asked bitterly.

Tom looked puzzled. Something gnaw at him but he couldn't point his finger on it. "How do you know that? I only said that we were ambushed nothing more."

The stranger continued with a devilish smile on his lips. "Well, I can assume that you lost the seeds otherwise you would give them to us, right? You know, Chandler, you lost your image of a hero a long time ago. You destroyed most of our fleet, fled to the Mediterranean and thinking to come back like nothing had happened? Have you really thought you could come back as the hero who not only brought us the cure but also brings us the seeds and with them our future? Well, I think it didn't went the way you liked it, isn't it so Chandler?" the last word was spoken with a lot of venom.

"John, how can you say something like that? Haven't you heard, he and we were set up." Oliver tried to argue. "Let him explain what really happened."

Tom took a deep breath and told them what happened. With "… I'm sorry Sir, but the seeds are gone." he ended his report.

There was silence in the room. You could hear a needle falling down on the floor. The silence was interrupted by a knock on the door. A young woman came in "Sorry, Mr. President. There is someone at the phone for Captain Chandler, who needs to speak to him urgently."

Tom looked alarmed "Has something happened to my kids?" he asked concerned.

"I don't know, Sir"

Tom left the room immediately and hoped everything was fine with the kids and Sasha. As Tom stepped out of the room he could hear Smith yelling "I knew it! Howard, you can't ignore the fact that it might be his play all along. He betrayed us. He is a traitor!"

After some minutes Tom came back into the room and could feel that the mood had changed a little bit.

"Are your kids okay, Tom?" Oliver asked .

"Can I speak to you in private, Mr. President?" Tom asked well aware that he didn't answered the question. President Oliver looked surprised but nodded his head immediately. He knew instinctively that something wasn't right and that Tom Chandler didn't trust the CNO.

"Of course, Tom." Oliver replied and turning to Smith he said "John, can you leave now", holding out one of his hands when he saw that Smith wanted to protest, he continued "I think you have a lot to do by finding the seeds."

Smith got up and gave Tom an angry look. "Don't dare to leave this building. We haven't finished yet." Tom only nodded his head and looked at the President.

When Smith had shut the door behind him, Oliver asked immediately "What's wrong, Tom ?"

"Sir, I'm sorry but I don't trust anyone anymore, except you. But first you have to tell me why you gave the order that only I was supposed to get the seeds back."

What?" Oliver asked bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

"I was ordered to deliver the seeds by myself. Noone was allowed to escort me or to protect the seeds."

"This doesn't make sense, Tom. Why should I do this? The seeds are so valuable and not protecting them would be a crime."

"My thoughts. I wasn't present the last sixteen months but I knew that you wouldn't give such an order. Therefore we came up with a plan"

"What plan? Tell me!"

"..., so I just got the phone call." Tom ended his briefing.

"I'll send my men to the hospital." Oliver said and grabbed the phone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter eighteen**

" **Hiding"**

After giving the seeds into the hands of some well trusted pilots, the helicopter rushed to the secret lab. Tom looked at his kids and at Sasha. "Have you seen the doctor?" He asked her.

"Yes, dad, I have, "Sasha answered mockingly. "And he said that there is no concussion and no broken arm. It all vanished away miraculously." She continued smiling her most innocent smile.

"I'm glad to hear" Tom answered with the same smile. "So let's get out of here."

* * *

They were moved to a hotel room with guards from the Secret Service at the front door. Although Tom didn't want all these things, Oliver had insisted on it. They hadn't have a clue who was behind the events and he didn't want to risk Tom's life or the one of the others. The kids looked around the place. There were two bedrooms and a large living room with an adjoined kitchenette and a balcony.

"Seems we have to share a room together." Tom said with a grin to Sasha. She looked a little disturbed.

"I don't want to share a room with you,"Sam shouted at his sister after coming back to the living room. "Dad, I don't want to share a room with her." he said to his father.

"You know what, Sam? I don't want to share a room with you either." Ashley answered. "Sasha, can we share the room? Then it is girls and boys." Ashley asked while Tom looked at her in disbelief. There he was happy to have a room with Sasha and now this. Sometimes he wished his kids wouldn't interfere in his love life like this. It would have been so much easier for him to convince her that they belonged together.

"Sure, Ash." Sasha answered relieved. She couldn't handle Tom and her together in one room. She had to think a lot about and with him around wouldn't be so effective.

At the end of the day they all collapsed on the sofa after some rounds of games they played. After a while the kids went to bed and Tom and Sasha were left in the living room.

"Thank you for protecting my kids today." Tom said to her. "I wouldn't know what to do without you being here."

"You're welcome, Tom. They are the most important humans in your life. Of course I would do anything to protect them."

* * *

They stayed at the hotel for almost a week and settled in for a little routine. All four of them played a lot of board games and Sasha loved to read a book with Sam in the evening. He had little difficulties in reading and Sasha was happy to help out. Especially when she realized that she'd be more patient with Sam than Tom was with him. Tom loved to see Sasha and his son sitting on the sofa and reading a book. It was a wonderful bliss for him. He hoped he and Sasha would work out together. These days with her and his kids made him calmer and he realized that the feeling of running away faded more from day to day with Sasha at his side.

After a week all four of them were glad to leave the shelter. Secret Service had found the mole and after arresting him and his co-perpetrator the little family could go their own way. They dropped Sasha off at her apartment and went to Chandler's house to see if they could still live in it. Unfortunately the house was so destructed that Tom decided to stay in the hotel they left some hours ago.

When Sasha closed her front door she led out a huge breath. She was glad to leave the hotel room because she wasn't accustomed to stay inside a room for an entire week. And to be honest with herself she needed space to think about Tom. The week with him and the kids was a wonderful experience but she wasn't ready to take the next step. She loved to read with Sam and to see both children getting more comfortable with the whole situation made her happy. And then there was Tom. He was present all the time even when he sat on the balcony and worked on the laptop Oliver had given him. Sometimes she looked up from the sofa and her gaze went automatically in his direction. Most of the times she caught him staring at her and she looked into his wonderful blue eyes. Eyes she could get lost in them. She knew she couldn't escape destiny but was it the thing she wanted? She shook her head and went to the bathroom to take a long bath and relax.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter nineteen**

" **House hunting"**

The Chandler family and Sasha went house hunting some days after leaving the hotel. Tom had asked Sasha to join them, "for the female touch and opinion" as he formulated it some days ago. As Sasha had some days off she liked the distraction and to be honest she missed them already. And spending time with Tom and his kids sound wonderful.

The realtor gave them three houses to look at. The first one was a Townhouse in the middle of St. Louis which Tom and Ashley liked. The second one was in the suburbs of the city which Sasha and Sam liked. Pulling up at the third house everyone was quite at first.

It was a big looking house with a veranda at the front and at the back side of the house at a lake just thirty minutes away from the City. The House was fenced in with trees in the backyard and a gate which opened to the lake and the path around it.

They went in and stood at the entrance hall of the house. Opposite of the entrance lead a staircase up to the two other floors and one down to the basement. Turning to the right Sasha looked towards the dining room and a big modern updated kitchen in a bright white color and with wooden fronts. On the right side of the stairs was the spacious living room with French doors in the back which opened to a spectacular view over the backyard and the lake. A large fireplace promised a warm winter day.

Behind the living room the kids discovered an entertainment room, a guest room with an attached bathroom and the laundry room.

"This ... this looks really nice, Tom." Sasha managed to speak.

"Yeah, it does. I hope the other floors are the same. Shall we go look at them?" he asked her. When she nodded her head he took her hand and led her to the stairs.

Getting to the first floor they strolled to the left and entered the master bedroom with an adjusted bathroom. French doors opened to a balcony at the opposite of the entrance. Never letting her hand go Tom went to the balcony. From this spot he could see all over the lake. Sasha was standing beside him and squeezed his hand tightly.

"Tom, this looks so beautiful." She was grinning all over her face, her eyes were shining a bright blue.

"It's wonderful, Sasha. This house is made for us," Tom replied and couldn't held back himself and stepped in front of her, kept her face in his hands and kissed her gently. They both jumped apart when they heard Sam shouting with excitement from the other side of the hallway. "Dad! This room is amazing. I wanna have this room."

Tom smiled at Sasha and released her "Should look after him before he sees this room and claims it for himself." Sasha nodded and looked after him. She touched her lips where she could still feel his lips on hers. "Well, Sasha you should keep your distance otherwise he will get you." She thought.

Tom got to Sam's room. It was indeed a really nice room with lots of space and a large window. Walking out in the hallway and going into the next room opposite from Sam, Ashley was standing in a wonderful room as well. There was a huge window in an alcove to the back and a window seat settled in the alcove.

"Dad, this is so wonderful. I always wanted a seat at the window where I can read a book or just looking outside." Ashley said enthusiastic looking at her father. Tom went to her and took her into his arms.

"It is really beautiful here. So, this is your room, then?" he asked. "You don't want to see the other rooms?"

Ashley shook her head. "No, this one it is."

All four of them went further on. There were two other rooms on the first floor left and a huge bathroom for the kids. On the second floor was a study and a large room to storage some things. The basement held another surprise for all of them. When they entered one of the rooms they found a swimming pool, a sauna and in one of the corner a little gym.

"Woah, this is so cool, Dad." Sam shouted euphoric. "Can we move in tomorrow?"

Tom chuckled "No, not tomorrow, Sam. We have to see if we can afford it."

* * *

When they all came back into the living room Tom asked "So, what do you all think about this house? Do you like it?" He looked in three happy faces with wide smiles on them. "Ah I see. So this is it, right?" All of them nodded their head. "There is a lot to do inside the house. All rooms need a fresh painting and I can't do this alone." He turned to his kids "You have to help me with this, okay?" Both his kids nodded and said at the same time "Of course we'll help you."

"Can we decide the color?" Sam asked.

"Sure you can - for your room."

"Then I like to paint it green and blue." Sam said enthusiastic.

"And I like it deep yellow and crimson." Ashley answered.

"Okay, and you Sasha?" He asked while he turned around to face her.

"Me? It's not my place. You should decide which color you want."

"But I'm asking you." Tom said gently. "I don't know what color to choose for the kitchen or the other rooms downstairs."

"Well, I would paint the kitchen in a bright yellow, like lemon yellow. It would compliment the white and wooden kitchen fronts. And it would be fine with the parquet flooring. The same color for the dining room as it is an open kitchen."

"Okay, lemon yellow for the kitchen and dining room it is. What do you think about ivory or beige color for the living room?"

"That would be a nice choice." Sasha approved.

Tom smiled at her and continued "Entertainment and guest room?"

This time his children suggested "Entertainment room the same color as the living room. And for the guest room a light green."

"What color do you want for your bedroom, dad?" Sam asked.

"Well," he looked from his son to Sasha. "I like blue, so maybe a wall with blue color and the others with ivory or something like this." He finished never leaving Sasha's eyes to see if she would approve his suggestion. Seeing her nod he knew her answer. "And I think it's the same with my office on the second floor."

"That sounds good, dad."

"Yeah, but we have to wait till I know the purchase price of it. If it is too high, we have to look out for an other house." Tom replied

"But dad, this is sooooo great" his son argued.

"I know, son, I know."

* * *

They waited some more minutes for the realtor to arrive while the kids went outside in the garden and explored the surroundings. When Ashley and Sam came back to the house the three adults were in an argument.

"This house is listed for a sales price of 200000 Dollars." They heard the realtor speaking. To their surprise Sasha answered and their dad made a panic face.

"200000 Dollar? Are you mad? This house isn't worth it." She said.

"Oh please, don't do this honey." the realtor said to Sasha in an arrogant voice. Sasha stiffened. A clear tell of her that her opponent was in big trouble.

"Honey?" She asked him with a rose eyebrow. "Honey? Are you serious? First I'm not your honey. You can call me Ms. Cooper. Secondly, you don't talk to serious clients like they were stupid. Thirdly this house is never 200000 Dollar worth because there is some damage at the basement which has to be fixed so that no humidity enters the house. If it wouldn't be fixed the house would mold. And probably has. Fourthly the roof at the backside is leaky. We also have to fix it." While Sasha pointed out all the things the face of the realtor went from red to white. Sasha continued "Should I go on or is it enough for you?"

"It...it's enough, Ms. Cooper. I get it. So what's the whole amount you want to pay, then?" he asked awed.

"100000 Dollar." Sasha said sassy.

The realtor looked shocked but he just learned that this woman knew something about houses and that he shouldn't mess with her. So 100000 Dollar is a lot of money especially at this time. "100000 Dollar it is, then." he said and hold out his hand for her to seal the deal. She shook his hand firmly.

"100000, it is." She confirmed looking amused at Tom. Tom couldn't hold back a grin. This woman is unbelievable he thought.

"Okay, I need a partial payment, let's say till the day after tomorrow. When I have the bank confirmation you can get the keys and start to renovate. The contract will be ready in ten days."

"The partial payment can be arranged by tomorrow" Tom said.

"Good. I have just a tiny question. Should the contract be registered in Mr. and Mrs. Cooper?


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter twenty**

" **Painting"**

"I can't believe what you just did, Sasha Cooper." Tom said euphoric and took her into his arms and hugged her tight. "You saved me 100000 Dollars. Wow. But what about the basement and the roof? Is it that bad?"

Sasha giggled "No it isn't. You can easily fix it with little effort. Otherwise I wouldn't have told you to buy it."

"Sasha, how do you know all those things?" Sam asked her.

"Well, Sam, my dad was an architect and I visited a lot of houses with him. So I learned to look at the main things." Sasha answered and ruffled his hair.

"Like I said, you are our guardian angel." Sam smiled and hugged her.

"You're welcome, Sam."

* * *

After two days Tom got the keys and started his mission to paint the rooms. The last two days he went to the home depot to get the right color for every room. The kids loved to look through the colors and to choose their favorite painting color.

"Sam, I want you to help masking the light switches in every room, the door frames and the window frames. Start with our bedrooms." Tom ordered. Sam grabbed the masking tape and went upstairs.

"Ashley, take the inking roller and brushes to your room. I will start there."

While his kids painted the walls Tom painted the ceiling and helped them with the walls. They accomplished the bedrooms of the kids and the two bathrooms when Sasha knocked at the door.

"Sasha is here, dad" Sam shouted. "And she brought lunch." Tom and Ashley came downstairs.

"Sasha, what a nice surprise." Tom said grinning at her.

"Well, I wanted to see how it goes and I thought that you're all hungry. So I made some sandwiches and came over." Sasha smiled and shrugged her shoulders. She knew it was a lame excuse and hoped they wouldn't see it. To be honest she missed them all. This week in the hotel showed her what she can have with them. She knew she loves Tom. Ever had. And her most fear that the kids don't like her were thrown to the wind because they welcomed her with open arms.

"Well, that's really nice of you. Unfortunately we don't have any furniture so we have to sit on the floor. I hope you don't mind." He said to her with an apologetic face.

"Not at all." Sasha replied.

"Speaking of furniture." Tom said to Sasha. "Do you mind to go shopping with me? I know what I want for the entertainment room but the other rooms I don't know exactly..." He trailed off hoping she wouldn't see right through his lame excuse. He knew exactly what he wanted. And he wanted her, in his house, in his bed and in his life

"You want a female touch and opinion, again?" She asked.

"Yes!" Tom replied with a grin on his face.

"What do you got, Sasha?" Sam interrupted them and asking "Is there a tuna sandwich?"

Sasha laughed "Yes there is, Sam. I've made it only for you." She said and handed him the sandwich. Sasha learned in the week they spend together in the hotel room that Sam loved tuna. Not only on a sandwich but also on a pizza. "And, this is for you, Ashley." Sasha said and handed her a sandwich "It's avocado and tomatoes." Knowing that Ashley was more of a vegetarian than a meat lover.

"Thank you, Sasha. You remembered." Ashley said.

"And this is for you, Tom." Sasha handed him a sandwich with chicken salad. Tom grabbed it from her with a wide grin.

"You remember. Thank you." He took a bite from it and couldn't say if it tasted so good because Sasha had made it or because he was hungry. "I didn't realize that I'm that hungry. It tastes delicious."

"Yeah, Sasha, best made sandwich I ate in the last year." Sam said with a full mouth. "Can you make more?"

Sasha laughed. "Well, Sam, I thought that you especially wants another one. So in this bag are more." She pointed to the other bag at Tom's side.

After finishing their lunch Sam asked "Sasha, do you want to see the rooms upstairs?"

"I would love to," Sasha answered.

They all went upstairs and Sasha looked around. "You have all done this in the morning?"

"Yeah, Dad is pretty cool at this stuff. But we helped him" Sam told proudly.

"Well, it looks really pretty. You have all done a great job" Sasha said and looking at Tom with a lovely grin on her face.

"I was about to paint my bedroom. You want to help me?" Tom asked her mischievous.

"I? I can't paint, Tom." Sasha said shocked.

"Everybody can do it." He answered.

"Yeah, Sasha it's a piece of cake. You can do it." Sam said reassuring. "I can show you how to do it."

She looked at this wonderful boy with astonishment and was glad no one saw her tears swelling in her eyes. She didn't know why she was moved to tears but this boy could get under her skin. He was so open to her and never ever was he rude. He just welcomed her with open arms and never doubted her or Tom in a way. And when he looked at her with the Chandler charm and the Chandler smirk on his face she was lost. Her heart opened to this young boy and she knew she would die for him and take the bullet.

After Sam showed her how to brush the paint on the walls, Sasha enjoyed being with them together. Now and then she looked at the three Chandlers and saw how happy they were. After a while, Tom said "Well, kids, Sasha is here to help. If you want you can go outside and look around a bit."

"Really, dad?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, sure. You two had helped me a lot. Without you we wouldn't be that far. So you like to go outside?"

"Yes, I want to go to the lake and look around."

"Good, but not going too far away. And promise me to stay outside the water." Tom admonished him.

"Yes, dad." Sam said a little bit disappointed.

When Tom looked at Sasha's questioning face he explained with a smile on his face. "Well, what can I say. He loves the water like me. And when he was younger you had to watch him always and at every minute in order that he wouldn't jump into a pool or lake. He managed to get wet the moment we got to the wedding reception of Darien's sister. He was the ring carrier and had a little suit on. But he only saw the fountain and wanted to wash his hands in it. He lost his balance and with a splash he landed in it."

Sasha laughed heartily. "Oh how cute."

"What? It wasn't cute at that moment. Fortunately Darien had an extra pair of clothes for him."

He finished the ceiling and went over to her to help with the wall she was painting. Leaning into her he said "You're doing great. No strips."

Sasha felt a little shiver running down her spine. "Thank you. I had a really nice teacher, you know."

"Do I get competition from my own son?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

" **The old and new CNO"**

He couldn't believe that he was in this position again. He didn't want this job. He wanted a job from 8 to 5 so that he could be there for his kids. Now he had a time-killing job again. How can he manage to be perfect at the office and perfect at home at the same time? The last two weeks had showed him that he still had to learn a lot. He was more than happy and thankful for the help Sasha and Mike provided, who was back with the Nathan James for a short time. Mike had helped him to carry and move all their belongings from their old house.

Tom sighed and looked around the office he had occupied all those months ago. " _Why me? Is there no other person in this country who could do the job of the CNO? Why has it to be me again?"_ He asked himself.

"Oh, Tom, you're early." Oliver stated, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Welcome back. Have you finished moving into your new home?"

"Yes, Sir" Tom replied. "Everything is unpacked and stored to the respective places and the kids started school some days ago. So everything is settled."

"That's good to hear. Ah, Tom I know you don't want this job and I can't blame you, but I need you to be here at my side. I need people who I can trust" the president began to argue.

With a sighed, Tom said "I know, I know. But I need a job from 8 to 5 because of my kids. The last time I've done this job my father was still alive and could watch the kids. I'm the only person they have left. So if you find another person who wants do do the job I'll gladly turn it over."

"I know, Tom. I'm sorry but you are the person I need and not only do I need you, but this country needs you the same way."

"Sir, with all do respect I'm not the person who can be of great help. I was absent over 20 months and many things have changed. I have changed." Tom tried to reason.

"Look Tom, I do get that you needed the time away and be present for your kids. But I think that you need to come out of your hole and be the man who you are. You can't run from your destiny."

There it was again. Alex's voice came into his mind and he could hear him speak "You can't run from your destiny, Tom" remembering the afternoon at the table at Alex's house.

"Well, someone told me the same words some months ago." Tom mumbled. "Perhaps I have to accept it and go with it for a while."

"Thank you, Tom." Oliver said grateful. "And to make your move smoothly I thought that maybe your friend Mike can help you settle in again. Be your right hand when you need more time for your kids."

Right on cue Mike came through the door. "Oh am I interrupting you two?"

"No, of course not. I just told Tom who his new partner is..." Oliver said with a grin on his face.

"Ah seeing you still here Tom is making me happy." Mike deadpanned. "Does he know about the other person he has to work with?" Mike asked with a devilish grin on his face.

Tom looked from one to the other "Other person? What are you two talking about?"

"No, he doesn't know yet" The president answered Mike's question and turning his attention to Tom again he said "Well, as you know I had to restock the position of the Chief of Naval Intelligence and thought that she is the best for this position at the moment."

" _Oh no, please don't let it be Sasha_." Tom thought. It was hard for him to keep his distance when they were in the same room. How can he hide his feelings from her and others when they had to be professional? This was torture. Not only to have to deal with Sasha but also with Mike. He was his best friend but sometimes it was too much for him. Always under supervision.

"So I have scheduled an appointment for us with the rest of the staff and the new Head of NI. It's in about 30 minutes. Till then settle in and make yourself familiar with your staff." Oliver nodded his goodbyes and left the room.

"You knew about this?" Tom asked Mike.

"Yeah, sort of."

"Why haven't you told me?"

"It was the President's order not to tell you anything. He was worried that you run for the hills again. Sorry Tom."

Tom nodded and sat down with a sight. "I don't want this job, Mike. Do you want it? I'm not angry at you when you take it."

Mike held up his hands "No, no. I don't want this job either. I'm glad I'm only the second behind you. This is too much paperwork and politics."

"Tell me about it."

After a while in silence Tom asked again "Where is your office?"

"Next to yours on the left."

"And Sasha's?"

"It's on the upper floor." Mike said and then raised his head to look at Tom "So you knew it is Sasha he was talking about?"

"No but you just told me." Tom said with a grin. "How long does she know?"

"She doesn't. It will be a surprise for her too."

"Oh god. Does Oliver know that she doesn't like such surprises? Does he know her?"

"No to the first question and yes to the second one. She had to report to him the last two weeks and I think she impressed him with her intelligence, her brightness and cleverness."

"I don't blame him on this. It's what made her attractive to me in the first place." Tom confessed.


	22. Chapter 22

**WARNING: This fanfiction is rated M for a reason. I have marked where the M-rated things start. It's at the end of the chapter. So if you don't want to read it, then don't do it**

 **Unfortunately the letter MMMM don't show up. So the M-rated part beginns with "he turned the water..."**

 **Chapter 22**

" **Party"**

It was the first Saturday after he began his new job as CNO. Instead of sleeping in, Tom woke up shaking and sweating like every other day since he shot Shaw on the plane. He couldn't remember a morning he didn't wake up in sweat. His eyes shut open and he looked at his left side. Only to see an empty space. She wasn't there. She never was when he woke up. With a sight he climbed out of his bed and went to his bathroom. He had a lot to do today till his guests would arrive.

There was a big housewarming party at the Chandler house with many friends and colleagues. Ashley rose beyond herself. She managed everything and with the help of Tom, Sasha, Azima and Mike they made a wonderful buffet with steaks, salads and dessert. Everyone had a good time, chatting away, walking around the grounds or the house. Laughter was heard all the time and everything seemed just fine.

When Tom had a minute he sat down next to Mike and observed the party from the porch. Seeing all the people who he cared about filled him with peace. He was home and glad to spent some time with his crew which were like family for him. He saw Miller, Burke and Wolf at one corner, heads together and all three of them had a mischievous smile on their face. They were definitely up to something.

"Ah, it is easier to watch a sack of flea than those three guys." Mike stated.

"Tell me about it." Tom replied.

"You good?"

"Yeah. Everything is fine." Tom answered but was distracted by a beautiful woman coming from the kitchen into the garden. Mike followed his gaze.

"How is it going with her?"

"Good." And when Tom saw a questioning look on Mike's face he continued "She is here. She is doing great with the kids and vice versa that's all that matters, Mike. I love her, you know I do and well, hope dies last."

The last weeks since they moved in, Sasha was around them most of the time. She helped getting the kids settle in. When Tom couldn't come home in time Sasha, Mike or Kara's mother Debbie helped out. He looked forward to get home when Sasha was there. One evening he got home late and the house was lighted. He stood outside on the front porch and looked inside. The sight he saw moved him to the core. His kids sat on the sofa, Sasha in their middle, book in hand. Apparently they were reading something but now they were laughing and holding their belly. He hasn't seen his kids so happy for a long time. He wished for the umptheenth time that Sasha would spend all of her time with them. But she always went to her own apartment and left him alone again. Like it was something bad to sleep in his house. Like she was avoiding him, afraid for the last step to take. They were holding hands, even kissing now and then, but when he tried to take things further she fled. He knew by pushing her too hard he would loose her, so he let her go with a heavy heart.

Tom stood up and approached Sasha from behind and leaning a little into her, head bent to her ear "You've done a great job, Sasha. Thank you very much for helping us." he said and placed a feathered kiss behind her ear licking the spot with only his tip of his tongue. Knowing exactly what this gesture would do to her.

Sasha felt a shiver running down her spine when she felt his breath at her ear and neck. And when he placed this kiss to her skin she felt her knees shaking and her thoughts began to cloud because of her beginning arousal. He knew exactly what he was doing to her. This was a sensitive spot and he did it on purpose. She had to brace herself for not spinning around and dragging him to his bedroom. The thought of dragging him to bed occurred on her mind more and more. Sometimes her dreams were so livid that she turned on her side to touch him only to find the space empty. It hurt to see the empty space. Reality can be so cruel.

With all her willpower she replied "You're welcome, Tom. It was easy because Ashley had done most of it. I'm glad I could help her a little." She took one of the empty bowls and walked towards the kitchen, into safe waters.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Ashley, Sam and Azima were putting the things back into the cupboards.

"You guys alright?" Azima asked.

"Yeah sure." They answered.

"How is school?"

"School sucks." Sam answered honestly.

Azima laughed "I can imagine that. How are your schoolmates? Do you have any friends yet?"

"Schoolmates are fine. They all have the same problems than we have. Most of them have only one parent left, some of them lost both parents. There are two boys living down the street. It's cool to hang around and play soccer. "

"And you Ashley? What is it like for you?"

"School is fine. Like Sam said schoolmates are fine and I befriended a girl, Jenny. She is very nice. Her brother is the same age like Sam and we are invited for a sleepover in three weeks."

"That sounds good."

"Yeah, it's been good since we came back here and …."

"And?"

Ashley hesitated "And since Sasha is around. Dad smiled more in the four weeks we are here than he had in the past months altogether. He loves her and I think she loves him too but neither of them admits it to the other. How can we push them?"

"I don't know." Azima said honestly. After a while she asked "Perhaps we can do something together. You three, Sasha, Wolf and I. What do you think?"

"Sounds good. What can we do?" Ashley asked.

"Do you know if your father likes rock climbing?"

"Oh yes, he loves it. He went with us some times before we left St. Louis. There is a climbing hall near the mall."

"What about going there tomorrow?"

"That would be awesome. Climbing is so cool and it makes so much fun." Sam said enthusiastically.

"What makes fun?" Sasha asked when she entered the kitchen.

"Climbing. Azima suggested that we can go climbing in the hall next to the mall. Do you want to come with us?" Sam asked her hopefully.

Not being able to deny any plea from Sam she nodded her head "Yeah of course. When do you want to go?"

"Tomorrow."

Standing in his shower, his hands pressed against the tiles and the water pounding on his shoulders, Tom reflected on the events of their housewarming party. It was so good to be able to give a little from himself back at his former crew. They have welcomed him back after he abandoned them and he hoped they knew that he wanted to thank them for it. Thinking of his guests his thoughts run back to the woman he loved. He asked himself what had gotten into him. He honestly had no idea why he kissed her neck and licked her sensitive spot when so many people were around them and could see it.

Watching her blush and getting nervous made him wish he could pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. He'd expected her to get into his face and asked him if he lost his mind but nothing happened. He expected her to grab his hand and drag him to bed. Instead she grabbed a bowl and walked away. Thinking of the things she would have done to him when she got him to bed, made him hard in an instant.

_MMMMM_

 **MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM**

He'd turned the water to ice cold, hoping that the cold water would do the trick to get her out of his mind. Apparently it didn't work. There was no other way than to take matters into his own hands - literally. Sighing heavily, he turned the water to warm again and slipped his hand down, unleashing his imagination as he wrapped his fingers around his cock. With pictures of her hand gliding down on his body and taking him into her hand, he pumped faster. His fingers tightened as he felt himself getting closer and closer. He quickened the pace of his hand even more and groaned loudly as his release spilled out of him.

Panting he leaned back against the shower wall, letting the water wash away the evidence of how much she had entered his mind.


	23. Chapter 23

WARNING: This fanfiction is rated M for a reason. I have marked where the M-rated things start. It's at the end of the chapter. So if you don't want to read it, then don't do it

 **Chapter 23**

" **The bet"**

The next day all of them met at the climbing hall. Sam was bouncing around with excitement. Tom helped the kids to get their harness on, buckled them tight and checked the ropes. Sasha watched this scene from a distance and couldn't help herself of falling in love with him more and more. He was so gentle with them. She didn't see his softer side often. She loved to see him interact with his kids and she wondered not for the first time how life would have been to them when she didn't loose their baby.

Since she returned from the Med and spending more and more time with him and his family she thought a lot of that lost baby. And more than often she told herself that she had to tell him but she couldn't afford to loosing him again. And she was convinced that he would abandon her the instant he knew the truth. He wanted nothing more than a family all those years ago and she was the one who put him down on a regular basis. Knowing that she was pregnant when she left him would destroy his trust in her. She couldn't loose him. So she said nothing.

Tom and Wolf secured the kids as they climbed higher and higher. Every time Sam set his foots on the floor he asked again "Dad, can I do it one more time, please?" and every time Tom hadn't the heart to turn him down.

After a while Azima and Wolf strapped in and climbed the walls. Of course they took the black route. Leaving Sasha and Tom as their security. At some point Wolf slipped of the hook and fell down. Tom caught him in time and helped him to the ground.

While standing next to Sasha, Tom asked "You wanna do a climb next?"

She looked up at the climbing wall and turns with a devilish smile on her face.

"I bet I can beat you to the top," she says baiting him.

Tom raised an eyebrow "You sure about that?"

"Absolutely."

"And if I win?" he ask her, seizing the opportunity.

"I'll do whatever you want," she says. "Same as if I win."

"Deal."

"You guys ready?" Wolf asked them.

"Let's do this," Sasha grunts out with a fierce determination.

Tom let her take the lead so that he could help her if she needed any help. He was so concentrated on her well being that he didn't pay that much attention how far she got.

"You coming?" Sasha asked from above. "Or are you giving up already?"

When he came out of his thoughts she was already far up the wall before he even started. He worked to catch up. Finally he was on the same level with her. He looked over at her amazed. She was so beautiful, her muscles in her arms and legs were taut and her face was determined as she figured out her next step. He hated to leave her but if he was going to win this damn bet he had to beat her to the top. She was just a few hooks behind him when he finally reached the top of the climbing hall.

"Seems that I can have my way with you, Miss Cooper." He grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"It seems so, Mr. Chandler." Sasha smiled right back at him and sat down in her rope and glided down. Coming back to the floor Sasha faced him again. "So what are you up to?"

"Well," he said running his hand over his neck. "I would like to go out with you. Have dinner with me." And when he saw her retreating a little he added in his typical Tom Chandler voice, tilting his head down at the floor and then looking up into her eyes "Please?"

Sasha was laying in the hot bath and processing the events in the climbing hall. She couldn't believe that she'd lost the bet. How could this happen? She introduced him to the sport when they dated in Annapolis. He learned fast but couldn't beat her then. It annoyed him at the time that she was better than him and she loved the feeling to be better.

Now it annoyed her that he had the upper hand in this today. She walked right into the mess she created. Going out for dinner with him. " _Cooper, what have you been thinking?"_ she asked herself. It wasn't the fact that they would spend some time together. It was the thought of the things that could come afterwards. She was afraid of taking the next step with him. Afraid of exposing her heart to him once again and then get crashed again by walking away from her. He left her all those months ago and it still hurt. But she couldn't say no to him after he asked her to go out with her. This tilting of his head, this pleading look. He knew exactly what he was doing. He manipulated her with this. She knew it, but oh god, he was so handsome, so lovable.

 **MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM**

Thinking about him and his manipulations, his assault on her neck at the party yesterday came back into her mind. She couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if she would have taken him up on his unsaid offer when he licked her sensitive spot. She would have dragged him to the bedroom and had her way with him. His body would press into hers. His hands would roam over her skin. His lips would follow them and … _"Stop it, Sasha!"s_ he shook her head.

Her nipples already reacted to the pictures her tired mind conjured up in her head. He would find a way to taste her, milk her and would send her over the edge. She let out a lout groan and surrendered. If her mind wasn't giving her any rest she would just deal with it. There were worst fantasies than thinking about Tom Chandler while giving herself the release she apparently needed.

She trailed one hand towards her breasts, the other down her stomach as she closed her eyes, having absolutely no problem to imagine that it were his hands that were caressing her skin. Brushing her fingers over one nipple, she felt the reaction in her core. She slipped her fingers between her folds, rubbing tentatively over her clit. Imagining having him inside of her again, the feeling of him filling her, pushed her over the edge.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

" **Weekend Part 1"**

The next time they saw each other was at the end of the week in the cafeteria at lunch time. She was standing in line and talking to a colleague when she sensed him coming into the room. A smile escaped her lips when she felt him standing behind her.

"Naval Intelligence found her way back to St. Louis." he said leaning a little into her.

"Well, it wasn't that difficult considering my meeting was in this city and not somewhere else in the country." She shot back.

"You didn't travel to Washington?" he asked curiously.

"No, last minute decision. I ordered all of them here."

"Aha." He wanted to say more but they were next in line to order their meal. They went both to an empty table facing each other.

"When you were in town why didn't you come by or called?"

"I had no time, Tom. The meeting was very intense and I had a lot to prepare."

"You are the boss, Sasha. You need to learn to delegate."

"I know, Tom. That's why I decided to run the meeting here in my territory and not in an unknown."

Tom smiled at her. "So, they know that they can't mess with you?"

"They learned it now."

"Ouch."

After finishing his meal Tom looked at the beauty in front of him. It seemed that she gets more beautiful every time he sees her. "Do you have time at the weekend? The kids are asking if you like to come over for playing games and hiking at the lake." He stated and while he rubbed over his neck with one hand he continued "I think they are missing you." " _I know I do"_ he added in his mind.

She beamed at him "I would love to come over." _"I missed you too,"_ she added in her mind.

"Good. I'm looking forward to it." Tom said releasing his breath he didn't realized he held.

Sasha kept her word and knocked at the door on Saturday morning. A very grumpy looking Sam opened the door. "What" he barked.

Sasha held out her hands and replied "Woah, I can go home if you like."

"Nooo, just ignore him" Tom yelled from the kitchen.

"Whatever," Sam whispered, walking upstairs with a hanging head.

Sasha strolled towards the kitchen. She smiled at Tom who was walking towards her. He took her in his arms, hugged her tight and pressed a kiss on her forehead "Thank God, a normal being in my house. I've missed you."

Sasha giggled "You saw me yesterday. This can't be that bad." She moved a little bit back to look him in the eye. "What's up?"

He let go of her and held his hands up "Well, they complained their father was more at his office than at home. Which hurts a little, because I thought I managed to be at home more often than I was at the time my father was still alive. But obviously I was wrong."

"Have you shouted at them?"

"Why?"

"Well, Sam looked a little sad."

"No – well, a little? I take the father duties seriously. So I asked them to clean up their rooms and their bathroom after they made their homework. But apparently this wasn't the things my kids wanted to hear from me. Since yesterday we aren't on a very speaking term."

"Aha."

"What? Are you pissed at me as well now?"

"No, I'm not. But I think you are right that they wanted you here more often to play and just hang out with them. Not being the one who boss them around."

"Then tell me what I have to do. They want me around more. Okay, granted. But when I'm more around I see things that have to be taken care of. And I'm not their maid to do this. Maybe Darien had done it, but I'm not the guy who cleans everything and they can sit on the sofa and play with the x-box."

"Of course you shouldn't clean up after them. They have to learn that they have some duties at home, but Tom, please remember they are kids and not an enlisted person."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Hmmm, what is this smell?" She looked curiously at the kitchen.

"Oh fuck, the pancakes! I've forgotten about them."

"You go, take care not to burn down this house and I will go upstairs and talk to your children." She said giving him a quick peck on his lips.

While Tom went to his task, Sasha took a deep breath and went upstairs. Passing Tom's room she couldn't resist to take a look into it, glad that the door was wide open. She saw his unmade bed and longed to lay in it. Seeing his shirt on the bed she went into the room and grabbed it. She hold it to her nose and smelled his scent mixed with his cologne. Closing her eyes while she sniffled she felt her heart beat going faster. After a while she shook her head as her mind imagining the things they could do in here. With a sight she put the shirt back and went to Sam's room. Standing at the closed door she knocked at it. After hearing Sam's approval she opened the door and couldn't held back a grin. Sam was sitting on the floor in the middle of what seems the content of his entire closet, looking lost.

"Hey there. You need help?" Sasha asked tentatively and stepping further into his room.

"I don't think you can help me with this." Sam said sadly.

"And why do you think that?"

"Cos Dad said that we have to do this all by ourself and when we have finished we can come downstairs." Sam said with a hanging head.

"Well, I don't think that your dad mind when I help you a little bit." Sasha replied and knelt beside him. Seeing him so lost she drew him into her arms and hold him tight. After a while she felt him sob into her chest and it broke her heart to see this normally happy little guy so unhappy. "Ssshhh, Sam, what is it? Are you sad because your dad scold you?"

He nodded his head. "And all we did was talking to him that we haven't seen him this much in the last weeks. He was so mad at us. And then he said that we have to clean our mess." His sobs got louder "I miss mom so much." Sasha didn't know what to say, so she hold him tight and tried her best to comfort him. After a while she said "Your dad misses her, too, you know. He can't deal with things he can't control. And in such situations he strikes out. Unfortunately it hit you and your sister. Believe me, Sam, he doesn't mean to hurt you. He loves you both unconditionally. And if something would happen to you or your sister, it would destroy him. You are the most important people to him." Seeing him doubting her she continued "But being a single dad isn't that easy for him. I bet he was used to not doing anything in the household or to clean up his mess he made."

Sam smiled at her, his first smile for hours. "Yes, mom did all the things. She complained a lot about him because he tossed his clothes on the floor in their room."

Sasha smiled back and stated "Well, I think you have inherited his messy side."

"It seems so."

"What did your mom do? Helping you to clean the mess?"

"Yeah, she did most of the part but I helped her as much as I could."

"So, then let's get started" She stood up and looked around. "Sam, you could start gathering your dirty clothes and putting them into this basket and I will put the other into your closet."

Both were busy for ten minutes and after putting the clothes back where they belonged, Sam's room was presentable. "Okay, Sam, where is your vacuum cleaner?"

Sam ran out of his room and came back with the vac in his hands. After they finished, the room was as clean as a whistle. Both smiled and turned to the door. They get startled because Tom was leaning against the door frame and observed the whole scene. He stood there for some time and admiring Sasha for being able to deal with his kids. Sometimes they were like a great mystery for him. He loved his kids more than his life but sometimes he was lost dealing with them. Before the plague Darien smoothed the bumpy way especially when he rumbled over them. She always knew what to do. He had so much to learn.

"Sorry to interrupt, but breakfast is ready." He said and when Sam was looking stressed he continued "Sam, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Okay, I'm looking after Ash" Sasha said getting out of their way.

"I'm sorry. Sam. I didn't know how to deal with the situation and you know, your mom always knew what to do. So, I'm sorry." Tom held his breath wishing his son could forgive him. Sam looked at him for some seconds and then shot forward into his arms and started to cry again. Tom hold him tight and kissed his head while whispering "I'm really sorry. I love you so much." He bend down and brushed the tears away with his thumbs.

"I love you too, Dad."


	25. Chapter 25

Again a little warning for light sexual content at the end of the chapter.

 **Chapter 25**

„ **Weekend Part 2"**

Sasha went down the floor to Ashley's room and knocked at the door.

"Come in."

"Hey, I wanted to check on you and tell you that breakfast is ready." Sasha told Ash, looking around the room.

"I know. Dad told me some minutes ago." Ashley told her while folding a sweatshirt and laying it on a pile of other clothes "I just need to put these things away."

Sasha nodded her head and couldn't hold back her question "How are you?"

"Well, I'm good." Ashley answered.

"You sure about that?" Sasha asked again. Because she could see that the argument with Tom gnaw on her. When Sasha got no answer she pressed further "Ash, I know what happened yesterday ….." Sasha couldn't speak any more because Ashley shot further into her and wrapped her arms around her.

"He…. he…. he was so mad. I've never seen him like that." She whispered.

"I told Sam that your father loves you two more than his own life. But sometimes he looses control and then he lashes out. It's rare and that's why it hurts so much. Normally he controls his temper but sometimes…." Sasha trailed off.

"Yeah, I know. He has done it before when mom was alive. Normally she smoothed the way between him and us." Ashley said. After some moments of silence she added "I miss my mom in such situations the most. She always knew how to handle him."

Sasha grinned. "Of course she did, honey. It's the only way to stand him." They both looked at one another and grinned. "You've done a great job here. Everything is cleaned up." Sasha nodded around the room.

"It wasn't that bad here. Sam on the other hand is an other chapter."

"Yeah, I've helped him to clean up. Well, he is like Tom in that way. Doesn't see the wood for the trees." Both laughed out loud. Tom entered the room in that moment and looked at them.

"What's so funny?"

Both Sasha and Ashley looked at him still grinning. "Nothing." Both said at the same time looking at each other and their grins grew wider as they realized they were saying the same.

"Aha." Tom stated. Knowing exactly that he wouldn't get anything from both. He knew Sasha could hold her tongue even when she was tortured, she was trained for this. But Ashley on the other hand was so like Sasha in such situations. _"Stubborn like Sasha"_ , he thought. He could question her the whole day, she wouldn't tell him. When she decided that it was time to tell him, she would. He was absolutely oblivious of the fact that Ashley was like him in this situations.

"So you're coming?" he asked them with a rose eyebrow.

"Yeah, sure."

They all headed downstairs and sat at the table. Sasha and the kids took in what Tom managed in the last thirty minutes . There wasn't only pancakes and coffee but also freshly pressed orange juice, eggs, baked beans, bacon and toast. Everything was arranged and they sensed that he tried to apologize for his bad and stupid behavior.

They ate and laughed a lot and the kids talked with a lighter mood. Sasha was laughing so hard about a comment from Tom that she choked on her toast. She coughed hard and Tom jumped up from his seat and hit her on her back .

"You okay?" he asked concerned. Her only respond was a nod. He looked at her face and saw tears running down her cheeks. He took her face into his hands and wiped the salty tears away. She looked at him and their eyes met. Blue meeting blue. They were oblivious to their surroundings and forgot about the kids. They stared at each other for some minutes in which the kids silently stood up and retrieved into the living room, giving them some time for themselves.

Sasha stopped coughing and stared at the handsome man standing in front of her. She raised her hand and cupped his neck. Tightening her grip on his neck she pulled him closer to her while standing on her toes so that her mouth was on the same level like his. Their lips touched very gently but she deepened the kiss. Opening his mouth for her Tom felt her tongue against his own. One of his hands slided from her face to the back of her neck the other to her back, bringing her closer to him. Their bodies touched at all the right places and only the need of fresh air pulled them apart. After inhaling some needed air Tom claimed her mouth again. This time he took over the kiss and walked her backwards until she hit the wall. He cupped her butt and lifted her legs up. They immediately snaked around his hips. Sasha could feel his growing erection between her hot center. His mouth left her lips and moved over to her neck. He kissed and sucked at her throat, then made his way to her weak spot when he heard a wonderful sound he hadn't heard in over 15 years. It was her unmistakable whimper which told him that there would be no going back and would end up in bed together after a round of wall sex. Oh he had missed her so much and also this kind of sex. Sex with endless passion, battles who would be in command. Sex like there would be no tomorrow. He felt her tighten her legs more around him, feeling her hands gripping his shoulders. His hands slid from her back to her breasts, cupping them into his hands and kneading them a little. Getting more aroused when he felt her nipples go harder, he let out a moan.

"You guys okay there?" Sam shouted from the living room. Tom broke the kiss and stared at her in disbelieve. He almost had sex with the woman he loved while his kids were only some meters away. How could he be so irresponsible. His grip on her breasts lessened and her legs slid down from his body so she could stand on her own feet. " _How the hell did this happen?_ " she thought. " _What was I thinking?_ "

Finding his voice Tom shouted back "Yeah, sure." He leaned his forehead against Sasha's and cursed "Damn it, why do we always choose the wrong time to continue this the way I want right now?"

Sasha shrugged her shoulders "I don't know. Perhaps we should wait until your kids aren't home?"

Tom thought about it and smirked like a cat eying the prey. "Very good idea. You owe me a dinner. Why don't we go out next weekend?" Tom asked her, knowing his kids would be at the sleepover party.

Sasha dissolved away from his embrace, walked two steps and turned her head over her shoulder and looked at him . She had the same smile on her face like he had some seconds ago. "Sounds like a good plan."

While Tom and Ashley cleaned the table and put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and Sam put his toys away in his room, Sasha went down to the laundry room and began to sort clothes and loaded the washing machine. She looked around and saw some already clean clothes laying in a basket. Getting there she began to fold them and making piles for each one of them. Seeing that some of the clothes needed ironing she began the task. It wasn't a difficult task and her mind drifted away to the kiss she shared with Tom. She couldn't tell why she reacted the way she did but she loved every minute of it. She missed his arms around her, feeling his body against her. It all felt so natural. It was the first time since he ran away that she wasn't afraid of him and their actions and what would happen when spending the night with him. She looked forward to their dinner on Friday.

She was lost in her thoughts about Tom and the kiss that she didn't hear him approach.

"You don't need to do this, Sasha." He said coming through the door. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay. I don't mind to do the laundry and helping you all. It gives you time to spend with your kids." She said, shrugging her shoulders.

He stepped behind her and sneaked his arms around her waist. Bending his head to her ear he whispered "I like seeing you so domestic." Kissing her throat again he continued "And kissing you the way we did a while ago was great. I wish we are alone…."

"And what would you do?" Sasha asked in a very low tone.

"I would strip you naked and would take you right here in this room and have my way with you." He answered in the same low voice while pushing his hips against her butt. Showing her exactly what he meant.

She could feel his erection and pushed herself against him. "Mmmhmm, this sounds very promising. But unfortunately we aren't alone."

"Unfortunately we aren't," he confirmed her statement.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

„ **Kittens and Puppies"**

After spending Saturday with Tom and his kids, Sasha was on her way to Magnolia Drive, again. It seemed that she spent every single minute of her free time there. She liked being with Tom and his kids. It all felt so natural, like they would be a family. She loved to help the kids, even doing the laundry didn't bother her. For the first time since the outbreak of the pandemic she had something to do, not shooting at enemies or fighting, but living a normal life again.

When she got out of the car, Sam was running towards her with a big grin on his face.

"Sasha! Look, Dad showed me how to skateboard." He was holding his skateboard and climbed on it. Sasha could only watch him with amazement as he went down the driveway. _"How can someone even stand on it without falling off?"_ She asked herself.

"Did you watch me, Sasha? What do you think? Was it good enough?" Sam asked her enthusiastically.

"Yeah! It was great, Sam. Well done" Sasha answered and tousled his hair. "Your dad showed it to you?" She asked him in disbelief.

Not seeing Tom coming closer to her, he answered "You don't believe my son, Miss Cooper?"

Turning around to face him, Sasha said "Not really. I didn't know you can skate."

"No? It's like riding a bike." Tom said nonchalantly. Coming nearer to her and bend his head to give her a kiss on her lips. "You wanna give it a try?"

"Nooo." Sasha couldn't believe he would ask her something like that. "No way am I going on this board. I don't trust it."

Tom chuckled "You don't trust it? Sasha, believe it or not, it is you who skate and not the board. You have to know your moves to direct it in the right direction."

"And you can do that?"

He knew she challenged him but he countered "Yes, I can. Shall I show you how to do it?" He grabbed the board and went down the driveway with such a grace that Sasha was staring at him in disbelief. "See? It isn't that bad." Seeing her indecisive he took her hand and guided her to the board. "Step on" he said in a persuasive voice. "I'm holding you, don't be afraid." Sasha looked at him one more time and stepped on the board not letting go off his hand. Tom on the other side had to forebear a laughter. He could tell that she was nervous and didn't trust herself. He steadied her with his other hand on her hip. After getting her balance, Tom moved a little bit forward so the board moved with him. His grip on her never lessened. "You have to shift your weight to the right side when you want to drive right. And the other way around." He told her and making the moves for her.

"And what do I do to stop it?"

"You have to put one of your feet backwards so that the front of the board is in the air." Tom told her. "Or, you can step down with one foot. You wanna try it again?"

Sasha nodded her head. "Okay, then I'll hold you at your waist. Don't be afraid." He told her. After doing this some times, Tom knew she can manage it all by herself. She had a perfect balance. And when they went down half of the driveway he took back his hands without Sasha's notice. She skated down the way and stopped at the end of it. Turning her head she saw Tom standing some meters away from her. "You, you let go off me?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I knew you could do it alone." He said while coming nearer to her. "Well done, Miss Cooper." He said and claimed her mouth again. This time their kiss lasted longer.

"Ahem," Sam cleared his throat. "Well done, Sasha. But would you mind to give me back my board?"

Sasha laughed, "No, not at all, Sam. Here you go." She handed him his board back and took Tom's hand in her own going back to the house.

After lunch the family took off for a little stroll around the lake. The kids were running ahead while Tom had his arm around Sasha's shoulder, pulling her a little bit against himself. Her arm was resting around his waist. Both felt to an equal pace. Everyone who saw them from the outside would think that they were a normal couple taking a stroll with their kids.

About halfway around the lake, the kids saw a sign " _Kittens and Puppies_ " at the edge of the lake pointing to a house nearby.

"Dad?" Sam shouted to him. "Hurry up, dad. Can we go there? Pleeeaaseee" Sam pointed at the sign and pleaded with perfect puppy eyes.

Tom looked at him skeptical and teasing him "Why should we go there?"

"Dad, they have puppies. Please let us go and see them and perhaps we can take one with us."

"Oh no, Sam. No pets. You know how much work it is." Tom said determinative.

"But daaaad." Sam tried to argue.

Not being able to say no to his son, Tom gave in "Okay, okay. Only looking."

"YES" called both kids and run away.

Sasha looked at him astonished "They have twist you around their finger. You know that, don't you?"

"You think?" Tom asked her with a smirk on his face.

"What are you up to, Admiral?"

"Well, it was my absolute intention to go this way and hoped they would see the sign." He told her. "We always had dogs and cats, so I thought about getting them one. And after me being an ass to them two days ago I thought I have to make things right with them."

"And you think getting them a puppy is making things right?"

"No, not what you think. I get it, I reacted the worst way I could. But they love pets and they are good kids. And I like to give them something they appreciate."

"Tom Chandler, you astonish me more and more." Sasha said to him and couldn't hold back a huge grin.

"Oh I hope so, Miss Cooper. I hope so." Tom replied and claimed her lips, pressing her against him.

* * *

Coming nearer to the farm Tom could see his kids playing with a lot of Golden Retriever puppies. They looked happy and this sight made him happy too. He went to an older looking couple who watched the kids and the puppies.

"Hello, my name is Tom Chandler. I've called you yesterday."

"Yes, Mr. Chandler, I remember. My name is Susan King and this is George, my husband. It is so nice to meet you." She stretched out her hand. "Your kids still don't know about our deal?"

"No, they don't."

She nodded then. "Hey guys, you wanna see our little kittens?"

Ashley's eyes shone brighter than before. "I would love to see them."

Sam on the other hand said dismissive "No, not for me. I want to stay here and play with the puppies." Pointing to the little puppy which licked his hands and his face he asked "What is his name?"

"Oh, this is Pepper. He is the firstborn." George said.

Susan guided Ashley and Sasha to the place where the kittens lived. Stepping into the room, both of them melted away immediately.

After a while Tom wanted to look after his girls. So he said "Sam, do you mind when I look after your sister?"

"No, not at all. Daaaad, can I keep Pepper?" Sam asked.

"Sam, I told you that we are only looking and not getting any pet." Tom argued back.

"Yes, I know, but..." Sam looked at him with watery eyes and a look on his face that could melt your heart in an instant. Tom had to try to stay strong and not to give away his surprise. "No, Sam. Sorry." Tom turned around and went after his girls.

Getting into the room he saw Ashley with a little kitten playing on the floor. It was black with the exception of two white foot. Ashley looked happy and was so concentrated that she hadn't notice him. Nearby Sasha was talking to Susan and was holding a little red colored kitten. "Hey," she greeted Tom with a bright smile and bright shining blue eyes.

"Hey, it seems you two are happy to be here." He said coming nearer to them and putting his arm around her shoulder. "And this is?" he asked while pointing to the little kitten.

"This? This is Henry." And pointing to Ashley's kitten "And that there is Socks."

Ashley getting aware of her father looked up and pleaded with the same expression on her face like her brother "Daaaad? I know you told us that we can only look at the kittens, but is it possible that we can have one?"

And just like some minutes ago Tom had to fight back the urge to give in. "No, Ash, I'm sorry. But no pets."

After persuading the kids to go home Tom exchanged a conspiratorial look with Susan. They said their goodbyes and on the way back home the kids didn't stop talking about Pepper and Socks.

"Dad, Socks was sooooo cute. She purred and played with me the whole time." Ashley explained him. "And Susan said that I can come back and play with the kittens if it is okay with you." She looked at him with pleading eyes.

Tom sighed. "If you learn enough for school and doing the other things we agreed to yesterday then it is fine with me. But if your marks getting worse, then you aren't allowed to visit the kittens." Tom told her.

"And am I allowed to go see the puppies, Dad?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Yes, you are. But under the same conditions like your sister."

"That's fine with me, dad. As long as I can see and play with Pepper." Sam said.

Coming back to the house the kids went upstairs and left Sasha and Tom alone. "So, when do you tell them that they get their pets?"

"I don't know. Perhaps later? As a reward not interrupting their father doing things with his girlfriend." Tom shrugged his shoulders and getting nearer to her.

"What?" Sasha asked him and trying to hold him back. But she wasn't quick enough and he grabbed her around her waist and drew her nearer to him. He bend his head and kissed her. She wasn't prepared for this. This feeling to be in his arms. The feeling to be save and to be loved again. She melted into his arms and her hands snaked around his neck. She felt his tongue against her lips and she granted him access. His hands slipped under her shirt and roamed up and down her back. He guided her backwards into the living room. When the back of her knees touched the sofa they collapsed onto it. Tom was about to lift her shirt and let his tongue slid over her belly when a knock on the door interrupted them.

Sighing loudly he stood up "Damn it." And turning to Sasha he ordered "Don't move, I'm back in a minute."

Tom went to the door and saw George standing in front of him "Hi there."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

" **Surprise"**

Tom went to the door and saw George standing in front of him "Hi there."

"Oh, hi. You're early."

"Yes, I know. We agreed to bring you the pets at the end of the month, but I'm really sorry. We got a phone call from our daughter in Detroit. She had an accident and she is pregnant and we don't know if she'll have a miscarriage or not. She needs us now and we'll leave tomorrow and we don't know if we are back next week."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, George." Tom said. "So the pets are okay leaving their mothers?"

"Yes, all the kittens and puppy are old enough to leave the mother and can survive without their milk."

"Okay. Where are they?"

"In my car with all the other ones. I have to deliver the other ones to their owners so we can leave without worrying." George said pointing to his car in the driveway.

"Well, then I should get the troublemakers and you can be on your way." Tom said, getting out of the door and following George to the car.

While Tom talked to George Sasha was still laying on the sofa and reflected on the things that happened some minutes ago. She still felt his lips on hers and his fingers roaming over her body. It felt so good, he felt so good. She knew she couldn't resist him any longer. She graved for his touch. All those weeks since he came back into her life she tried to push her feelings for him to a side but how could she have fooled herself that much? She was falling in love with him deeper and deeper with every single day that passed.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the word "miscarriage". She listened carefully. " _Oh god, the poor woman_ " Sasha thought and then it hit her like a deadly punch. "Miscarriage." How on earth could she forget the topic? She knew she had to tell him. She knew he didn't like it when someone was lying to him. He hated it. " _Will he hate me when he knows the truth?_ " She felt sick.

Tom choose to enter the house in that moment. He saw her running to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. With a frown he put down the carrier with the cats and run after her with Pepper at the leash. When he got to the bathroom he heard her retch.

"Sasha? You okay?" Tom asked her anxiously. The only answer he got was another retch. He carefully opened the door and walked in, Pepper trotting after him. Seeing her bend over the toilet bowl he went to her side and held back her hair and rubbing her back with one hand. When she had finished she leaned back a little "All done?" he asked tentatively. Sasha nodded her head.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know" she answered a little ashamed. Pepper sniffled over the floor and went to Sasha licking her hand. Looking at the dog Sasha smiled at him and stroke over the dog's back and took his face into her hands. Pepper wagged his tail."You are such a cute boy."

"Oh thank you." Tom deadpanned back.

They let out a warm laughter and Sasha stood up.

"Here, there are toothbrushes and toothpaste" Tom pointed to a drawer.

* * *

"Guys?" Tom yelled. When he heard a faint "Yeah?" he continued "Can you come down into the living room? I have to discuss something with you."

After some minutes his kids came down with questioning faces. "What's up, Dad? Ashley asked and "Are we in trouble?" Sam asked at the same time.

With a smile on his face he answered "No of course not, Sam." And then with a frown on his own face "Why? Have you done something?" Sam shook his head.

"Look, I wanted to tell you something. I'm really lucky to have you as my kids and I know I'm sometimes not a good father. I still have to learn so much and I hope you'll forgive me when I'm acting like a moron. You both are the most important persons in my life" looking at Sasha who has entered the room some seconds before, he continued "and you Sasha. You three are all I care about. I know I don't show you that much but I will try."

His kids came to him and hugged him tight "And you are the most important person in our life, Dad. We love you." They said in unison.

He bend down and knelt before them. "I know I have you dragged around the world and I haven't been around for you two that much. I'm sorry. I wish I could have been there more. But I promise you that I stay here with you and try the best I can to be here for you." He kissed each kid on the head and continued "I have a surprise for you." He released his kids, stepped back and went to the entertainment room. After a minute he came out with Pepper at the leash and Socks in his hands. He looked at his kids. They looked at him in disbelief.

"Are they…?" Ashley asked.

"Yes they are. I wanted to give you the pets next week but George had to bring them over today. So I hope you aren't disappointed that much."

"Oh my god! DAD! THANK YOU!" Sam shouted and run to him. He hugged his father tight and knelt down to take Pepper from him. Tom walked over to Ashley and gave her Socks in her hands.

"You okay?"

Ashley looked from him to Socks and back at him. "Dad, thank you." She whispered. "That is really a nice surprise."

"You're welcome, baby."

Looking over to Sasha he had to swallow the lump in his throat. She was standing in the middle of the room and tears were shining in her eyes. She looked so lost. Tom went back to the other room and came out with another kitten in his hand. He strolled to Sasha and held out Henry to her. "I know you loved him right away and I couldn't resist to give you your own cat. You told me once that you had cats as a little girl and that you loved to stroke them and hear them purr. So I thought this is the opportunity."

She looked at him in awe. "You remembered our conversation 17 years ago?"

"I remember everything. Sasha you looked so sad the day you told me about your cats and that you couldn't keep them because of your parents."

"Oh thank you." Sasha whispered and lifting her head towards his, she kissed him, hoping he would understand everything she couldn't say to him in this situation. After coming up for some air she frowned "I'm not allowed to have pets in my apartment."

"I know. Therefore this little guy is staying at our house. So it is ensure that you'll come by more often." Tom smirked at her and claimed her lips again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

" **Confession"**

Chandler's phone rung. He looked up from his papers and took the call.

"Sir? This is Wolf. Sir...," Tom heard Wolf at the other end hesitate.

"Hey, Wolf what's up?" Tom asked.

"Sir, it's Sasha -"

"Sasha? What happened?" Tom asked now really concerned.

"I … I don't know, Sir. We trained with her and suddenly she started crying and we can't calm her down. We don't understand so much of what she is talking about. Something about a baby and then she is calling your name."

"Where are you?" Tom asked while standing up to grab his jacket and keys.

"The training center, Sir."

"Okay, stay put. I'll be right there." Tom hung up and stormed towards the door.

"What's wrong with Cooper?" Mike asked. He had listened to the one-sided conversation.

"I don't know. Wolf said something about her not calming down and they don't know what to do. I have to go, Mike."

All the way from his office to the training facilities he thought about the little information he got from Wolf. Baby? Was Sasha pregnant? No, she can't be. They spent most of their free time with one another and they haven't got to the point of having sex. How can she be pregnant? With another man's child? She hasn't dated since they got back six weeks ago. Suddenly a name flashed through his mind: Fletcher. Was it Fletcher's baby? He felt sick. " _Oh God, please don't let it be true._ "

Standing in front of the training room he took a deep breath and opened the door. He wasn't prepared for the scenario in front of him. Azima and Wolf tried to calm down a pacing Sasha. She got from one end of the room to the other and was ranting about something he couldn't hear exactly.

"I … I … I have to tell him….. he will find out and then ….. it is all my fault….. he will hate me…. Oh God …. I can't loose him …."

"Sasha, you have to calm down." Azima tried to take her hand and pull her to a chair. But she wasn't successful. Sasha pulled her hand back and pushed her away. Azima staggered at the force of it.

Wolf caught him standing at the doorway. They went over and stood outside the room.

"What happened?" Tom asked concerned.

"Sir, as I said we were training and Azima teased her a little bit." Wolf tried to explain.

"Teased? About what?"

"Well Sir, our neighbor Susan has a little baby girl. Sasha and I helped her in the morning. Sasha was holding the little girl and was cooing around with her. She looked happy to carry Lilly around. "Azima explained. "I teased her about it. I said that she looked beautiful with a baby in her arms and that you two would make gorgeous babies."

Tom couldn't hold back a little smile although he wasn't in a laughing mood. Imagining Sasha carrying their baby around the house was something he wished for their future.

"Well, she paled at that suggestion and began fuzzing with her shirt," Azima continued. "When I asked her what was wrong she began to pace through the room and got nervous. She talked about being pregnant and then she rambled about you and that you will leave her when you find out. We couldn't calm her down since then."

"Thanks for the briefing. No word to no one. Understood?" Tom said sincerely.

"Yes, Sir." Both of them replied.

Tom went inside the room and saw Sasha still pacing around the room. He hadn't seen her in that state of mind, ever. Normally she was calm on the outside and wouldn't let anyone know how much she was feeling. But this? This was new to him. As he walked towards her he shouted "SASHA!"

Sasha stopped only for some seconds, looking at him for a brief moment like a deer caught in the headlights and then went on with her pacing. Coming nearer to her, he grabbed her hands in his and managed to stop her, something neither Wolf nor Azima had managed so far.

"Woah, Sasha you have to calm down. Please look at me." Tom said in a calm voice. She still looked down at her feet. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head so she was forced to look him into his eyes. They were red and swollen from all the crying. Tears were still falling down her cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumbs.

"Hey, what's up? You wanna talk about it?" He asked softly. Sasha only shook her head. More tears were falling. Tom took her into his arms and held her tight. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him back. Her crying got louder and desperate. "Shush. Everything will be fine, babe. I've got you. It's okay. You'll see. Shush." He felt her relaxing a little bit.

Tom guided her out of the room and managed to get her in his car and headed towardshis was quiet all the way of the ride. Sasha had closed her eyes at some point and her head was resting against the head rest.

When he pulled up in front of his house he looked at her. She still hadn't said a word or showing any reaction. He managed to get her out of the car. Opening the door he was thankful that his kids weren't home yet. Pepper came to greet them at the entrance but Tom hadn't time to take care of him at the moment. All his thoughts and concern were about the woman in his arms.

After he guided her to the sofa Tom went to the kitchen and made some cocoa knowing that she loved to drink it when she was upset. While making the drink he led out the dog.

Coming back with the hot mug in his hand he put it down on the coffee table. "Here, take a sip" Tom offered her.

Getting out of the trance she leaned forward to grab the mug. "Thanks." She wrapped her hands around it and shifted her body a little bit so that she could rest her head at his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and hold her tight. He knew this was all he could do at the moment. Asking her more questions and pushing forward too hard would only led her to retreat. They sat in silence for quite some time.

Lowering her voice she whispered "I was pregnant." Tom could hardly hear what she was saying.

" _So she was pregnant with Fletcher's baby,"_ he thought. _"This guy is still torturing her after all this time."_

"I'm sorry, Sasha. When did you find out? Last week at your check-up?" Tom asked still uncomfortable with the thought of Fletcher. He didn't like the guy. He was jealous when he saw James and Sasha together on the ship. But he didn't confess his jealousy when Sasha asked him in the p-way. Confessing to her would have led to a lot of pressure for all of them.

"What?" Sasha managed to ask with a trembling voice.

"You had your check-up last week. Did you find out about the pregnancy then?"

"No" Sasha said vehemently. She shifted away from him, took a sip from her cocoa "Azima teased me about having a baby with you."

"Yes, she told me. Is it that bad, thinking to have a baby with me?" Tom asked sadly.

"NO! Of course not, Tom." Sasha assured him.

"Then what is it?"

Knowing that it was time to confess her dark secret she took a deep breath and said "I will tell you, but you have to promise me that you won't interrupt me. Okay?" She pleaded. When he nodded his head she let out a deep sight and began talking with a trembling voice "I was pregnant with your baby when I left you." Sasha held out her hand to stop him from asking.

"I didn't know it at the time I left you. Five weeks after we broke up I realized I was late and I felt dizzy and nauseous in the morning. I took a pregnancy test which came back positive. I went to the doctor to get a blood scan done hoping the test was false. The scan came back positive only confirming what I feared. I was so confused. It wasn't my dream to get pregnant. I wanted a career and traveling the world. Being a badass agent. Not staying put at home and take care of a little baby." She paused and swallowed "I wanted to tell you right away but I was ordered to Asia with absolutely radio silence. I had a lot of time thinking about our baby while I waited to be allowed to call you. I'm honest, I had my doubts about it and about us. But at the end of the day all I could think about was going home to you and being a family. This child was made out of love, Tom. I loved you then, I love you now. Our breaking up was never about the fact that we lost our love, I wasn't ready at that time for commitment, marriage and kids." She confessed and continued, letting him not interrupt her.

"I was at the end of my first trimester when I woke up with pain in my abdomen and I feared the worst. I sat up in my bed and I could feel wetness between my legs. Looking down I saw a lot of blood. Too much blood. I went to the doctor right away but he only confirmed my fears: I had a miscarriage. I lost our child." Her voice broke and she couldn't hold back her tears.

Tom took her in his arms again and held her close while she cried into his chest with heartbreaking sobs. Stroking her hair and her back he spoke "I am so sorry. I love you, Sasha. We will have another baby, I promise. It's going to be okay. Shush, it's okay, shush. I love you, I love you." Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he cried silently into her hair. He felt devastated for losing his child, for her dealing with all this alone in a foreign country, for them as a couple, for all the time they were separated, for the lost years without another.

They sat in silence for a couple of time holding each other tight. Talking to him about her dark secret felt like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. Sasha relaxed against him. It felt so good to talk about it. After a while she looked at him from the corner of her eyes and tried to read his expression. Was he mad at her? Or worst did he hate her? She couldn't tell.

Seeing her observing him he asked "What?"

"Nothing." She said. But then she continued "Are you mad at me?"

"What? Why should I be mad at you?"

"I thought you would be mad and leave me the instant you know the truth about our baby." She whispered.

"Why should I do that?"

Her only respond was a shrug. "Sasha," he said in a gentle voice. "Look, Sasha, I'm so glad you told me about it and believe me when I tell you that I'm very very sorry about what happened. I love you, Sasha, and when you love someone you don't run for the hills the second it becomes difficult." He looked deeply into her eyes and continued "And by the way, we can make another baby if we want to. And making them is a lot of fun, you know." He smiled his significant smile and despite her mood she smiled right back at him.

"You look exhausted." Tom remarked.

"I am."

Tom took her hand and walked tothe guestroom. He pointed to the bed "Here, let's get some rest before the kids come home."

Sasha took off her boots and crawled onto the bed.

"So, do you mind when I join you and hold you a little bit til my kids come home?"

"No, not at all."

Tom took off his shoes and got on the bed as well, spooning her from behind. He took her immediately into his arms and Sasha pressed her back against his chest. For the first time in months she felt save.

"I love you, Tom" Sasha whispered.

After a while Tom held a sleeping Sasha in his arms. Closing his eyes and smelling her shampoo in her hair he tried to find sleep as well. But he couldn't get his mind off his loss. Sasha was pregnant with his baby all those years ago. They had a child together. It was a sore topic in their relationship. His thoughts drifted to the beginning of their relationship.

Tom was together with some girls before Sasha came along. But neither of these girls could calm him or made him a one woman guy. He was restless and searched things he couldn't grasp or describe. Then Sasha came into his life. First as his student later as his lover and girlfriend. With the time they spent together he realized that Sasha was the one for him. For the first time in his life he thought about settling down, having a family, living the American dream with wife, two children, a house and a white fence around it. Every time he mentioned the topic of having a baby together Sasha cut him off, explaining to him that she wasn't ready for marriage and kids. She wanted to see the world and not waiting for him to come home after a mission. He couldn't see her points. It was all or nothing for him. Their arguments got more and more by the time and on a rainy afternoon he got home earlier than usually and caught her packing her belongings in his apartment and left him behind.

* * *

Apparently Tom dozed away because he woke up with a jolt. He heard his kids coming home. Looking at the beauty in his arms he kissed her forehead and got up closing the door behind him.

"Hey guys, please be quiet. Sasha isn't feeling well and is sleeping in the guestroom." He greeted his kids.

"What's wrong with her, dad?" Sam asked concerned.

"She isn't feeling well and I don't want her to be alone at the moment." Changing the topic he asked "How was your day at school?"

"It was okay. Got an A in mathematics test." Sam beamed.

"What?" Tom asked happily. "That is so great Sam. Well done" He took his son into his arms and hugged him tight.

After he and his kids chatted a little bit about school and work, Sam took Pepper for a walk while Ashley went upstairs, and Tom made dinner. They talked about the sleepover party at the end of the week and what they have to pack. Sasha never showed up for dinner nor did he hear anything from her. After dinner, the kids went upstairs and Tom walked to the guestroom wanting to look after her. He opened the door slowly. Sasha was laying in the exact position as he had left her. He went back to her and snuggled against her. She moved instinctively closer to him and sighed a little bit in her sleep. He pressed his lips at the back of her head and closed his eyes again. "I love you, angel", he whispered.

He felt the bed moving a little bit. Hearing a purr and feeling little paws at his feet he knew Henry came in to visit. He was always nearby when Sasha visited them.

* * *

The next morning Sasha woke to a kiss on her forehead.

"Hey, babe. Good morning." Tom said quietly and stroking her face gently with his fingers.

"Hey, you're still here." She stated astonished.

"Where else should I be?" He asked her bewildered.

"Like I said yesterday, I thought that you will leave me the instant you know the truth about our baby."

"Like I said yesterday, I don't run for the hills. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with all of this alone, Sasha" Tom said truthfully. "I wish I had known earlier. We could have healed together."

"I'm sorry, Tom." Sasha whispered and looked at the floor.

"Hey, sweetheart," Tom put a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him "Don't be. There is nothing you have to be sorry for. It wasn't meant to be at the time. And like I said yesterday, we have plenty of time to practice and have a baby in the future. I love you, Sasha Cooper." He kissed her then and tried to show her how much he loved her.

Breaking the kiss, Sasha asked "What time is it?"

"Nearly 6.30 am."

"Oh god, I have a meeting at 8 am. I have to go." She sat up and searched for her shoes.

"Sasha, wait." He said and stood up taking her into his arms again. "Have breakfast with us. You haven't eaten anything." And when he saw that she wanted to say something else he continued "I'll drive you to work and I promise, you won't be late for your meeting." Tom argued.

"Okay, then." She said leaning her head against his chest and giving up her defense. "What did you tell your kids?"

"Nothing. I said that you didn't feel well and that you needed rest." He kissed the top of her head again. "Come let's get some food into you."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

 **Dinner**

Tom parked his car in front of Sasha's apartment building. He got there ten minutes earlier than scheduled. His hands shook a little and were sweaty. He was nervous as hell. This was his real first date since he wooed Darien.

Everything dependent on this date. He pretended to be at a loss with the whole furniture hunting and painting the walls. To be honest, he had some other things in mind when he went shopping with Sasha. But he wanted her to decide what to buy. He arranged everything the way she would love and be comfortable with. He wanted his house not only to be a home for him and his kids but also a home for her, for them as a family. Even getting her Henry was a puzzle piece to tie her to him.

All those weeks since they came back from the Med he tried to show her that he was worth to love. He knew he had hurt her when he left her behind all those months ago. He knew she wasn't trusting him to be back for good at the point he went back to the James and took the oath again. He knew he had to fight for her trust and love and he hoped that he showed her his sincerity about them the last weeks.

He became accustomed to her being around him and his kids all the time. When she had to be away because of the job he felt lonely. He missed her all the time. His mood changed the instance when he saw her walking by in the corridor or when she looked at him with her beautiful smile and her shiny blue eyes. He knew she was the one for him. She was it all those years ago and she still is it now.

So he hoped they would take the next step. Holding her in his arms wasn't enough for him any more. He wanted her so badly. His body yearned for her. And if he interpreted the signs she send to him correctly she wanted him too. Taking a deep breath he stepped out of the car and headed to her door.

* * *

Little did he know that on the other side of the road a nervous Sasha was pacing around the living room. She changed at least five times until she had the perfect outfit. Everything dependent on this date. She knew that he pretended to be at a loss with the furniture and the painting. She knew he wanted her around and be with her. She could see it in his eyes. He was good at hiding his emotions, but not for her. His eyes betrayed him. Every time she looked at him his eyes were gentle and full of love.

No one had looked at her the way he had done, ever. Even Julian, her husband, hadn't looked at her the way Tom had done and still does. And every time she looked at him she felt her heart skip a beat and butterflies flying around her stomach. Even in the weirdest moments when the bullets were flying around them, her body betrayed her and her heart went out to him.

His behavior the last weeks and especially his behavior some days ago when she told him her secret showed her how much he loved her. And she was falling for him deeper and deeper than she could have imagined.

Her body yearned for him and she graved for his touch. When he holds her in his arms she feels save and that nobody and nothing could do anything to her. He was the one for her, the love of her life. Always had been. But she didn't realize it at the time when they were together at the Academy. The realization came after they broke up, when she struggled over her pregnancy and the miscarriage.

After years of restless searching she found Julian Cooper and got married. He was a nice man and everything what a woman could dream of, but he wasn't Tom Chandler. Tom had always occupied a part of her heart. There were times when she woke up in her townhouse, hoping to turn to a sleeping Tom at her side rather than to her husband. Sometimes she caught herself of imagining Tom making love to her instead of Julian, hearing Tom's moans, feeling Tom inside of her.

Hearing a knock on her door Sasha jumped out of her thoughts and rushed to the door. She wasn't prepared for this. Tom was standing in front of her with his head looking down at his feet. When he heard her gasp he looked up slowly at her and smiled his best and significant smile. Looking her up and down and taking her in. She wore tight black pants and a white blouse combined with a jacket. The outfit reminded him of the one she wore in Asia when they first met after such a long time.

"Hello beautiful" He said with a low voice stepping forward to kiss her on the lips.

"Well, hello handsome" She replied with a wide grin on her face. Sasha couldn't help herself and looked him up again. He wore gray pants, a navy blue shirt which emphasized his blue eyes and a gray jacket.

"You ready to go?" he asked her.

"Yeah, just..." Sasha trailed off.

"Just what?" Tom questioned her. She came a little bit closer to him and raised her hands at his face and drew him closer to her. Their lips touched and Tom embraced his arms around her back and rested them at her waist. The kiss got hotter every second. After some time Tom broke the kiss and whispered "If we don't stop this now, we won't go out for dinner."

"I know," Sasha whispered back and stepped away. Taking her purse she closed the door and they walked hand in hand to the car.


	30. Chapter 30

**Well, I think most of you waited for this chapter. But be warned: It's M-rated for a reason. Have fun to read and thank you all for your nice and encouraging reviews.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 30**

" **Magnolia Drive 25"**

After leaving the restaurant they headed left to the pier and boardwalk. They silently walked side by side and when Sasha accidentally brushed against his side, Tom took her hand in his.

"Thank you for this nice evening and the dinner." Sasha said and pressed his hand.

"No need for it. It is me who has to thank you." Tom replied. They continued their walk to the end of the pier and watched the sunset at the horizon.

"Do you miss the sea?", Sasha asked.

Tom took a deep breath and said "A little. No actually– a lot. I loved to be on the bridge and look out at the ocean and the horizon. Seeing nothing as water can calm you down for a little bit." He looked at her. "Why do you ask?"

Sasha shrugged her shoulders turning away from him and his very distracting proximity. "Just asking".

"You don't just ask", Tom replied. He came nearer to her and took a strand of hair behind her ears. "What's going on?" he asked tentatively.

"I was just wondering, if you miss the sea more than..." she didn't say anything else but bite on her lips.

"More than what, Sasha?" Tom asked softly and tilted her head up with his finger on her chin so that she was forced to look him into the eyes.

Sasha hesitated but looked him into the eyes. A mistake. "Me" she whispered.

"You?" he asked bewildered. What was going on with this gorgeous woman before him? "I miss you a lot".

He bend his head and captured her lips. It wasn't rough, instead it was a very sweet and gentle kiss. When they parted to get some air, their noses still touched and Tom took her face into his hands and kissed her again. This time deeper. Sasha's arms came around his neck and she stepped further into him. Their bodies touched and their tongues joined each other. It got hotter every second passed by. They came back for air again and Sasha shifted away from him. He felt cold and alone. The magic moment was gone.

"Can you bring me home?" Sasha asks.

Tom was a little disappointed, which wasn't unnoticed by her, but didn't want to risk anything that could lead her to run away from him. "Yes, sure."

They walked silently back to his car and headed in the direction of Sasha's apartment. When he stopped at a signal and pressed the blinker to turn left, Sasha asks confused "Where are you going?"

"What do you mean? You said home, so I bring you home."

"Not that home. I mean the other home."

"What? What are you talking about? This is the place where you lived for the last weeks. Do you have another home which I don't know of?"

"Yes, I have." And when Sasha could see his confusion she clarified: "My home is in Magnolia Drive 25"

"Magnolia Drive 25?" he asks and looked at her. "That's my place." And then he made all the connections and smiled his mischievous smile. The honk behind him took them out of their bubble.

After parking at his house he jumped out of the car and took Sasha's hand in his. He lead her up the way to the front door. But both couldn't wait till they were inside so Sasha kissed him passionately. He walked her backwards towards the door. His mouth never leaving hers. He fumbled with the keys and when he finally could open his door they stumbled inside ignoring an excited Pepper. At that point his jacket fell onto the floor and hers followed at the same time. He closed the door with his foot and Sasha walked him backwards till his back slashed against the door. She began to unbutton his shirt. With every button more skin was exposed and she ran her tongue against his heated skin lower and lower to his pecs. When she reached his left chest her tongue circled his nipple and he moaned out loud. Her hands reached up to his shoulders and stripped his shirt away.

Before she could tilt her head again, he spun her around and framed her to the door and began his torture. Like she, he unbuttoned her shirt and took it off immediately. He unclasped her bra and cupped her breasts in his hands and began to circle her nipples. Her only response was a loud moan.

"Yes?" he whispered against her ear.

"Don't stop." she whimpered back.

"I don't have the intention to, babe." His mouth went down to her nipple and he began to suck the peek. His hands went to her fly and unzipped her pants. He got on his knees to strip down her pants. Before she could realized what was happening, he took off her panties at the same time.

"You are so beautiful, Sasha" he said in an admiring tone.

His fingers explored her tights from her ankle up to her hips. His lips followed his fingers and when he reached his desire, he cupped her clit with his mouth. A very loud moan came out of Sasha's mouth and her hands reached down to his head. "Tom," she gasped. "Please don't stop. Oh god."

"Oh, you can call me Tom by the way," chuckling before he took one of her legs over his shoulder to get better access to her sex. His tongue flicked against her clit again. Parting her folds with his fingers, his tongue darted out to taste her and plunged into her and Sasha's hands grabbed his hair tighter as he trailed his tongue over her clit.

Sasha moaned again and couldn't stop thinking about his talented mouth and tongue. How is it that he knew exactly what she needed? No one touched her down there the way Tom did. It was amazing.

Sasha was with other men before Tom. But they never touched her with their mouths. It was Tom who showed her what a man was able to do with his tongue and mouth. He loved to please her this way. And she learned that he loved to be touched the same way. The men after Tom did it only when she pleaded to get touched at the magical spot. But now feeling his tongue sucking at her clit was breathtaking. He is amazing. She stroke his hair and began to tighten up.

Feeling her getting closer to her orgasm he slipped two fingers into her, slipping in and out. His mouth still on her clit sucking all the time. He continued his torture and drove her to her climax. Sasha was panting and rested her head against the door. He looked up with a devilish smile on his face and saw her relaxing. He loved to do her in this way. Always had. Letting go of her leg he got up.

Sasha wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him deeply, tasting herself on his mouth. Her hands traveled south. She trailed her fingers over his abs. Her hands were working on his belt and zipper.

"I missed you," Sasha whispered against his lips while her fingers slipped under his boxer briefs, taking him firmly into her hand. He let out a soft moan.

Tom pressed his hands against the door, framing her. His head dropped to her shoulder and he began to suck. As she began to move her hand, he spread his legs wider to give her better access. After some time she released him and pulled his pants and briefs down. Letting his cock fly free. "So it is your turn, Mr. Chandler," lowering herself on her knees before him, her eyes never leaving his cock. He groaned when her tongue flickered out to tease him. She gripped his cock firmly and licked up the underside.

"Sasha," he groaned. Her tongue slipped back down, kissing and licking and sucking. Then she took him deep into her mouth. Slowly very slowly she pulled back, bringing her head all the way to the tip before slowly very slowly swallowing him one more time.

"Sasha you keep on doing that, I swear I won't last long." Tom whimpered. _H_ ow was is that she knew exactly what he needed right now? He loved to be touched this way but he hadn't felt this a long time. It was a long time ago since someone touched him the way Sasha did right now. Sasha was amazing.

Sasha smiled inwardly while she started sucking him properly."You close?"

"Babe, I've been close since you first took me into your mouth." Tom replied, gasping for breath.

She lowered her head and started up again this time her hand adding to the pleasure. Tom's breaths and moans getting louder and louder till he cried out.

Sasha grinned from ear to ear when she stood up. She always liked to be responsible for his loss of control.

His head shot forward and his lips crushed into hers. He pulled her up into his strong arms as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to his bedroom. His mouth coming down on hers, his tongue demanding entrance and she opened up willingly, meeting his tongue with the same intensity.

They fell on the bed, her on top of him. He ran his fingers up and down her back. Her head resting on his chest, her eyes closed she could feel his heartbeat slow down.

"Sasha …" Tom panted, "that was ..."

"I know."

He remembered that sex between them had always been passionate and great. Every wish was pleased without judging. He didn't realized how much he missed her. Her mind, her body, everything of her. Since they got into the house he remembered everything she liked and how her body reacted all those years ago.

While Sasha lay down on his chest similar thoughts were running around her head. She knew they had always had great chemistry and they experimented a lot all those years ago. They tried positions she didn't know she was so flexible. She learned to read his body back then. She knew exactly what he liked or not. It hadn't changed. She wondered if the women who came after her could please him like she did. Certainly Darien knew what to do but the others? She hoped neither Cali or Lucia could please him the way she did. They haven't spoken about his relationships but Sasha was sure that he slept with Lucia. Gorgio mentioned something. Was he thinking of those women while she worked his cock? She shook her head slightly at this thought. He was hers when they did what they did downstairs. She saw it in his eyes. And she saw a lot more in there: Love.

She felt the same about him and she hoped that he could see it in her eyes too. _"Well, perhaps I should show him how much I love him",_ Sasha thought. The thought of him deep inside of her aroused her and after some moments she lifted herself up on her elbows, straddling him and leaning down to kiss him. His hands tightened around her hips and their kiss got more passionate. She could feel his responding body and pulled away with a smirk. "Ready for round three?"


	31. Chapter 31

**So, I got carried away again by the two lovers. So be warned. M-rated again.**

 **Chapter 31**

" **Like Old Times"**

Instead of an answer, Tom rolled them over so he was above her now. He lowered his head and captured her mouth with his. Kissing her deeply when his tongue slide into her. After some time they separated for the need of air, breathing heavily.

He left a trail of soft kisses from her mouth to her neck. He sucked in her flesh and Sasha began to whimper. His journey continued to her shoulder and back to her mouth. He trailed down to her collarbone and then further down to her breasts. He cupped one in his hand and began moving in lazy strokes. He took the other peek into his mouth and began to suck and nibble. When both of her nipples were hard he moved back up her body to kiss her mouth again.

Sasha roamed her hands over his back towards his ass. She tightened her grip and pushed him a little bit further towards her. But Tom didn't give in, yet. He trailed his mouth down her body again. Taking in the scars that haven't been there fifteen years ago. The scar on her left arm let him shiver. He was there when she was shot at Gorgio's mansion. It was only a graze but he feared the worst. He couldn't loose her. He knew it would destroy him. His mouth went further down again and he circled his tongue around her belly button causing her to let out a laugh.

"What?" Tom asked bemused looking up in her eyes.

"Nothing."

His hand slit between them and his fingers brushed over her clit and towards her folds to make sure she was ready for him. His fingers were soaking wet after withdrawing from her. Their eyes locked while he moved back up her body. Her hands went at the back of his head and draw him down to kiss him.

He looked her in the eyes and was a little insecure. So he asked "Are you sure?"

Her eyes got dark and dangerous but she replied with a steady voice "Absolutely."

Bending down his head again, he kissed her deeply and with such fierce. He spread her legs a little more and with a soft move he entered her. The feeling of her flesh surrounding him was overwhelming. It felt like coming home. Tom gave her a few seconds to get used to the feeling of him inside her. Then he created a slow gentle but steady rhythm. He wanted to savor and to worship every inch of her body. Sasha met him thrusts for thrusts. She was sure that she wouldn't get tired of the way his body felt. Since he slipped into her she felt whole again. Only he could produce this special kind of magic. She never felt this magic with the other men in her life. And now feeling him moving deep inside her was all she ever dreamed of. She had missed him so much.

Gently circling his hips Tom angled them just the way Sasha liked causing her to cry out loud while she came. She grabbed his ass and pulled him forward, taking him deeper into her body than he had been before. He moaned deeply and thrust a few times more until he came. He heard himself yell Sasha's name. He emptied his body into her over and over again.

Tom collapsed on top of her, crushing her. He was unable to move. Sasha could hardly breathe as his weight pressed her into the mattress. She wrapped her arms around him and her hands trailed down his back. She squeezed his ass and Tom groaned, closing his eyes for a moment before he propped himself up on his elbows, relieving her from his weight.

Tom looked her in the eyes and said gently "I love you Sasha more than you can imagine."

"I love you too, Tom." She kissed him again.

He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him. Her head rested on his chest again. After some moments he felt her shiver and he covered their bodies with the blanket. He returned stroking her back and felt her breaths slow down. Tom closed his eyes and followed her into sleep.

* * *

Waking up in the arms of Tom Chandler was something Sasha had dreamed of all those years apart. She felt a strong arm around her waist and a hand resting on her stomach. She shifted a little bit and turned her head. She had to blink twice to process to whom this hand and arm belonged. This time it wasn't a dream any more. She was really laying in the arms of Tom Chandler! And then her memory of the last night came into her mind. She blushed a little bit when her memory showed her what they did.

She didn't want to leave his embrace, but she had to use the bathroom. So she tried to slip his arm away while trying not to wake him. She got only a few inches away when his arm tightened around her.

"What are you doing?" Tom asked wearily.

"Using the bathroom."

"Promise me to come back, will you?"

"Maybe." She said teasingly.

"Perhaps this will convince you." He left some gentle kisses on her spine.

"Well in that case..." Sasha got out of the bed and went into the direction of the bathroom, smiling to herself. She felt light and happy for the first time in years. A feeling she hadn't had for a long time. It felt so good. Waking up with him felt so good. Feeling him spooning her and snuggle up with her felt so good. She didn't know that she missed all those feelings till now.

Tom felt cold the moment she moved away from him. It felt so good to wake up to someone and especially to her. He was devastated when Sasha left him all those years ago. Darien had put him together but a part of him never recovered from the loss Sasha caused. But since he slipped into her, all pieces matched and he felt whole again. Sasha was and is his home his rock and his future.

He got startled by Henry and Socks who jumped up onto the bed. Remembering the pets he jumped out of the bed and went down to feed them and led Pepper out into the garden. He hoped he would be back in time when Sasha has finished her thing.

When she got back she saw him resting his body at the headboard. The sheets fell to his lap. She appreciated the look and with a vicious smile on her lips she walked towards him. Tom couldn't take his eyes off of her beautiful body and smiled the same smile right back at her. Oh God, how he loved this woman. He had dreamed of her all those months and hoped to have her back in his bed. She crawled back up his body, straddling him and gave him a tender kiss.

"Good morning. Slept well?"

"Mmhm. Morning to you too," he said and kissed her again. This time it lasted a little bit longer than before. "It was the best night and sleep in months for me!"

"For me too," Sasha said leaning down again to kiss him. Their tongues dueled together and Tom roamed his hands down her body. He cupped her breasts in his hands and began circling her nipples. She moaned at the sensation and leaned up a little bit so that Tom could take away the sheets separating their bodies. Sasha lowered herself onto his erection and began to move slowly up and down never leaving his lips. Tom met her thrust for thrust. They continued their rhythm and made early in the morning love. Forgetting everything around them.

Afterwards she rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and hold her tight. Giving her a kiss on top of the head. They stayed like this for some minutes. Enjoying each others company.

"You know, it feels so good to wake up with you" Tom said disturbing their silence. "I wish we can do this more often."

"Me too. I haven't had a decent sleep since before the pandemic broke out. I haven't realized that I missed all this. Holding someone close, falling asleep and waking up with this person. Thank you." Sasha said sincerely.

"I have to thank you, Sasha" Tom answered. "I've realized the same things. It felt so good to feel you, hold you, kiss you, love you. I've missed you a thousand times and I just realized it. I don't know how I managed to live without you for such a long time. It's like coming home. I love you so much." Tom looked her deeply into her eyes and she could see his honesty. She realized that she lied to herself all those years. She had always loved him and the other men in her life couldn't stand a chance against him. He was her home, her destination. She cupped his face into her hands and kissed him deeply. He heard her stomach mumble. With a chuckle he asked "You hungry?"

"Yes. I'm starving" Sasha replied a little ashamed.

"What? You ate a lot at the restaurant last night. This can't be that bad." Tom chuckled.

"I'm always hungry after that amount of sex." was her only excuse.

"I've forgot about that. Well -," he gave her a little peck on the mouth "I should get going to make some breakfast before you starve." Tom teased her.

"You should do that when you are planning to keep me around."

Tom grinned happy to hear that she wants to be around him and his family. He got out of the bed immediately, put on some boxers and went downstairs. Taking care of the pets and Sasha's well-being. Sasha stayed in bed and thought about what happened last night and some minutes ago. It was fantastic. They had always had great sex but what she felt now overmatched everything they had before.


	32. Chapter 32

**So again M-rated. It's the last (for now). But I do think that they have to get it out of their system before they can work on a normal relationship. And every parent knows what I'm talking about to seize the moment of some much needed alone time without the kids. Enjoy.**

 **Chapter 32**

" **Breakfast"**

After several minutes she went downstairs to join him in the kitchen. He was standing at the stove, making pancakes. She leaned on the door frame watching him. "M _y man."_ she thought. " _My sexy man_." Only standing in his boxer briefs in front of her, seeing his muscles flexes when he was moving, turned her on and let her forget about having breakfast. She always loved to see him naked or half naked. She strode towards him, wrapped her hands around his midsection and kissed his spine. Roaming her hands over his upper body from behind.

"If you continue what you are doing I promise there won't be any pancakes for you in the near future."

"Why not?" Sasha asked innocently while her hand traveled down to his boxers. She slipped her index fingers in the rim of his boxers and teased him a little.

"You little witch, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Tom tried to remain calm and concentrated on his task, ignoring her teasing.

Sasha let off from him and went around to hop onto the counter. He glanced at her. Seeing her in one of his button-down shirts with only two strategic buttons in the front done up, let him gasped. It distracted him immensely. He always liked seeing her in his clothes. Especially after a round of sex. It turned him on. Even though he had her an hour ago, he'd like to have her again. As a father he had to utilized every free minute to have some alone time with her.

Sasha ran her toes up and down his left leg and watched his discomfort with amusement. Watching her from the corner of his eye he saw her biting her lower lip. He looked at her – a mistake he realized too late. She was looking back at him with the most innocent look she could give him. Still running her foot up and down his leg and biting her lip. He couldn't resist anymore. He turned off the stove. She watched him shifting nearer to her never leaving her eyes.

Sasha grinned like a Cheshire cat because she knew him too well. She willingly opened up her legs, so he could easily step between them. His hands rested on her hips and he leaned in for a tender kiss. Her hands went around his neck, her legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him nearer to her. Deepening their kiss when her mouth parted and their tongues battled together. She grabbed his butt and brought him even nearer to her already wet and naked center. He led out a moan when he could feel her wetness through his boxers.

Tom couldn't wait any longer, so he grabbed her bottom and pulled her up into his arms. They turned around and Tom swayed the papers from the kitchen table. They all flattered down to the floor. He laid her down onto the table. His hands went to the front of the shirt and unbuttoning and parting it. His mouth traveled south over her jaw, her collarbone down to her breast. He circled her nipples and went further down to her belly bottom. He cupped her clit with his mouth and teased her with his tongue. She let out a loud moan and moved her hips towards him arching a little bit of her back. He let go of her and his mouth traveled all the way up to her mouth again. Sasha had closed her eyes and was enjoying his delicious torment.

Tom pulled down enough of his boxers to free his cock and plunged into her. Giving her no time to adjust. She moaned again. He thrust into her roughly, keeping his pace. She gasped aloud when he pushed even deeper into her. He withdrew again before driving back in. Their moans becoming louder and louder. After he repeated this a few times, he felt her walls start to clench around him. They both exploded at the same time. Still standing in front and inside of her he rested his head on her chest. Both gasping for air while she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Sasha, what are you doing to me?" Tom whispered breathlessly.

"I can ask you the same." She grinned at him. "You are intoxicating. Every time I had you I want more of you. And seeing you with only your boxers on your lovely butt is turning me on. You feel so good" She tilted her head up and kissed him again.

"And you feel good too." He replied while slipping out of her. Tom eased her down and pursed his lips.

"What?" She asked.

"I can't have a meal at the table any more. Somehow I doubt I will be able to focus on the conversations with my kids."

Sasha grinned. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," he said, kissing her again.

"Speaking of your children. When are they coming back?"

Tom looked at the clock on the wall and paled. "Now".

"What?" Sasha asked shocked.

"They are scheduled to be home in ten minutes. If we are lucky we have a few more minutes." He took their clothes from the entrance and dragged her to the bedroom to get changed. Any thoughts about pancakes gone.

* * *

After a quick shower Tom put on his clothes and looked at Sasha. Her hair was wet and her body was wrapped in a fluffy towel. She looked gorgeous. They locked eyes and after a moment her features changed from happy to concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"What if your kids don't like me any more after they find out about us being together?"

He went over and took her into his arms. "Hey, everything will be fine. Don't worry. They love you."

Sasha leaned her head on his shoulder "But what if they don't? I can't loose you again after all this." She sighed.

"You won't loose me. I will never let you go." Tom said and hugged her tightly. "You know what, let's see how they react and we go from there. Hm?"

"I think we don't have any other choices, have we?"

"Nope." He released her and looked at her clothes on the bed. "Do you need other clothes? A T-Shirt from me or something else?"

Sasha looked at them too and said "No, I'll put them on again. I have to go home anyway. So I can change then."

"You have any plans for today?" Tom asked concerned. He didn't like the idea spending the weekend separated from one another.

"No, not really. I have to do some shopping but nothing else is scheduled. So it will be a lazy weekend for me." She said with a shrug.

Tom grinned at her "So you wanna join us? I have to do some shopping too and then we can hang out together. Making a barbecue and enjoying the time together. What do you think?"

"We'll ask the kids. If they are in, I'd love to stay."

The breath Tom didn't realized he had been holding swept out in relief "I like the idea." He took her once more into his arms and gave her a quick peck onto her lips. "I love you, Sasha Cooper."

"And I love you, Tom Chandler." She said and claimed his lips again. They intensified their kiss but broke abruptly apart when they heard the door open and Sam shouting "DAAADD? WE'RE HOME!"

Sasha looked terrified and turned around quickly to get changed. Tom went downstairs only to find his kids and Jenny, Christopher and their Mom Deborah Brandy waiting in the living room.

"Hey, morning all. How are you?" And going over to Deborah he extended his hand to her.

Deborah beamed at him, took his hand and replied. "We are good. How are you?"

"Thanks I'm fine. Thank you for bringing over the kids."

"You're welcome. It was my pleasure." She said with a shrug and then asked "Well, I asked your kids if you have any plans for this morning. Perhaps we can all have breakfast together and hang out. What do you think?" She asked hopefully.

Tom glanced astonished at her then at his kids and saw that they weren't that enthusiastic about the idea. And to be honest, he wanted to spent this weekend with his kids and his lover. "Oh, sorry, Deborah. But we have other plans." He wanted to say more but was interrupted by footsteps coming down from the stairs behind them. Both kids and the visitors turned their heads in the direction of the stairs and stared with open mouths at the woman coming down.

"Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?" Sasha asked innocently. Tom grinned at her and laid his arm around her waist taking her closer to him.

"No, you're not. Deborah, Jenny and Christopher this is Sasha – Sasha, this is Deborah, Jenny and Christopher. Sam and Ashley stayed at their house the night."

"Hello, Deborah, nice to meet you." Sasha replied and extended her hand to her. Deborah was so surprised to see a woman at Tom's side that she didn't react to Sasha's friendly gesture. Sasha shrugged her shoulders and took her hand back to her side.

"Well… We…. We should get going" Deborah managed to say.

"Have a nice day you three and thanks again for bringing over the kids." Tom replied and closing the door behind them. He turned around only to see his kids staring at Sasha "She did leave abruptly" He stated. "Why? Normally it take a lot time to get her leaving us alone." Tom asked oblivious of the thought that Deborah had a crush on him and was too shocked by Sasha's presence.

"Well, perhaps she was so surprised to see Sasha coming down from the bedrooms. Soo?" Ashley stated.

Sasha was feeling queasy. This was not the way she wanted the kids to find out about them. She looked over to Tom.

"So..." he said coming over to them slowly, putting his hands into his front pockets. "This was not the way I wanted you to find out, but it is what it is. Sasha and I …." Tom stocked now nervous and started again "Sasha and I went out yesterday evening as you both know and she spend the night here. And I hope that is okay with you." he looked nervously at his kids.

Both Ashley and Sam looked at him and then at Sasha. Seeing both adults with guilty looks on their faces. Sam's face changed from curious to happy and with a loud "Finally" he jumped at Sasha and hug her tight. "We would love to have you here, Sasha. You are fun and Dad is always in a good mood and let us do things he wouldn't allow when you are not here. So welcome to Casa Chandler!"

Sasha hugged him back and laughed out loud. "He is always in a good mood? That is new to me. Normally he is all grumpy and has everything under control."

"Normally, but not when you are with us. Then he is very nice." Sam said conspiratorial.

"What? I'm not grumpy." Tom protested and smacked Sasha on her arm.

"Yes you are."

"I'm not" Tom said looking at his daughter. Ashley hadn't said anything to the whole situation. "Ash?"

Ashley looked at his father then at Sasha and nodded her head as if she would answer a question. "Well, Dad. I'm sorry to bring you to reality but you are grumpy and very strict..."

"But..." Tom interrupted her.

She held out her finger and said immediately "Still talking, Dad."

"Are you using my line on me?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes, and still talking." Ashley said with a grin and continued "Anyway, Sam is right. When Sasha is around you are happy and laugh a lot." And turning to Sasha she continued "So Sasha, welcome to our family." Ashley went over and hugged her. She didn't think that she would be at peace with the fact, that her father would have a girlfriend but she was. She was happy for him and for them all. It felt good.

"Thank you both so much." Sasha said with tears in her eyes.

"Woah, are these pancakes in the kitchen?" Sam asked and ran away. Ashley followed him immediately. They hadn't have breakfast so both were hungry.

"Yep, made them some time ago. I think when we heat them up they will be okay." Tom said and went over to Sasha. He took her into his arms and kissed her. "See, told you they love you."

"Apparently you're right. And I'm so glad about it." Sasha answered with a wide grin on her face. "And you know what?" she asked in a low voice. "I can stay the night again and have incredible sex with you."

Tom groaned at the thought of them alone together. "And what gives you the impression that I want sex with you too?" He asked in the same low voice.

Instead of an answer Sasha took his mouth and deepened the kiss. Without a warning her hand went down to his cock and massaged it through his pants. Tom moaned into her mouth. He was shocked how his body reacted so quickly. He broke the kiss and leaned back to see her in the eyes. "Little witch. Are you insane doing this to me when my kids are so close? I would like to throw you against the next wall and have my way with you. You will be **so** sorry tonight for doing this now." He grinned from ear to ear.

"That was my intention, Mr. Chandler." She said and kissed him quickly. "Lets join the kids. I'm starving. Someone promised me breakfast this morning but all I got was laid." She grinned like a Cheshire cat and walked towards the kitchen.

"Uhm, Daaad? What happened with the papers?" Sam asked his father pointing at the mess on the floor.

Tom looked from his son to the floor and then to Sasha. He blushed a little and answered in the most innocent voice he could manage. "Well, there was a ventilation and the papers flew onto the floor. Hadn't had a minute to collect them."

"I'll collect them when you are making more pancakes. I'm sooo hungry." Sam said and began to get the papers back onto the table. Tom went over to the stove but not before he glanced at Sasha who was astonished how easily Tom could come up with a lie.


	33. Chapter 33

**I'm so sorry that it took forever to post a new chapter. But I got stuck a little bit... Wishing everyone a happy new year.**

* * *

 **Chapter 33**

" **Afterglow"**

They sat at the table together for a long time and enjoyed their breakfast. The kids were telling them about their sleepover. They had a lot of fun and Tom was glad to see his kids with happy faces. He loved these moments when he could lean back in his seat and watching the kids talking and gesturing around with their hands. It reminded him of happier times in Norfolk. Every now and then he glanced at Sasha and every time she returned his gaze. She was happy too. He could see it in her eyes. Sometimes Sasha held out her hand and took his into hers and squeezed it. Pepper was laying under the table and hoped to catch some crumble of pancakes. Henry tiptoed around Sasha's legs and Socks had managed to lay on Ashley's lap. Normally Tom didn't tolerate the pets near the table but today was a special day.

The night he spent with Sasha together was a night he won't forget in his whole life. It wasn't only the physical thing he needed, it was the reconnection with her and the puzzle pieces shifting into the right places. He found the last piece that was lost when he slid into her after that long time. He felt whole again. For the first time in years he could accept that he survived all these terrible things. That it was fate which let him live and which gave him a second chance with her. Even with his kids. He was more deployed on sea than at home. Darien and the kids were an item and sometimes he felt like a stranger to them. Darien always knew what the kids wanted and smoothed the way between them. But now he was the one the kids turned to when something was bothering them. Now he had to deal with all of their problems. Some of them were solved immediately others he struggled with. But together they mastered a lot. And with Sasha at his side he could manage a storm.

"So what's up for today?" Sam asked and pulled his father out of his thoughts.

"I have to do some grocery shopping. And then I thought about spending the day with you two monkeys and Sasha and doing a barbecue at the evening. What do you think?"

The happy faces of his kids were answer enough for him. They beamed at him.

"We haven't done a barbecue for a long time." Sam remarked. "Can we have a bonfire, too?" He asked hopefully.

"Sure, why not." Tom replied nonchalantly.

"Cool, can we make stick bread, too?"

"Why not." Tom said with a shrug. "But you or Ash have to prepare it."

"Sure, dad."

They left the house shortly after and went to Sasha's apartment. She wanted to change into some comfortable clothes, get some fresh clothes for tomorrow and take her own car. She would join them later in the day. When she got out of the car, Tom turned to his kids and said "I have forgotten to give Sasha something. I'll be back in a minute."

He was running after her and reached her at her apartment door. "Sasha?" he called out. Sasha turned to him with a frown on her face. "Sorry, but I forgot to give you something." He explained and held out his hand. A key was laying in his palm. Sasha didn't react at all. All she could do was staring into his palm then up into his eyes. "It's a key, Sasha. If you don't know what it is." Tom said playfully.

"I can see that. But …."

"Well, you said you would join us later and I don't want you to wait for us in the car or on the porch. So this is the latchkey. Feel free to go inside and make yourself at home" He explained a little nervously.

She was so overwhelmed that she lost her words. Seeing her insecure he asked himself if it was too early. But she regained her composure and looked up at him with a wide grin on her face. "You want me to have a key to your house already?"

"Yes, Sasha. Like I said this morning, I won't let you go. So my house is your house." He told her. "I'll see you later sweetheart." He gave her a quick peck on her lips, handed the key in her hand and turned around as quickly as possible before she could change her mind. If he had turned, he would have seen her astonished face.

When Sasha closed her apartment door behind her she leaned against it and closed her eyes for a moment. She was glad that she got some time for herself to process the events. Leaning against the door brought back the memories of them pleasuring each other at his front door last night. It felt so natural for her being with him. Like she belonged at his side and in his arms. It felt so good to hold and to touch him. She still could smell his after shave. She touched her lips where she could still feel his kiss from some minutes ago. Butterflies buzzed around her stomach by only thinking about him and what they did the last hours. But was she ready to give all of herself to him? Her thoughts were interrupted by a voice.

"Hey, you're home. Finally" Azima shouted from the kitchen. "I wanted to call a rescue team to bring you back."

"What? What are you talking about?" Sasha managed to ask.

"Well, you said you're going out and then never got back tonight. I was worried."

"Why? You knew I was going out with Tom."

Azima came into the living room with a big smile on her face. "You got laid!" It was more of a fact than a question but seeing Sasha blush told her everything. "Ha! I knew it! I want details." Azima said and took Sasha with her to the sofa.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Sasha protested.

"You don't?" Azima asked her teasingly and patting at the spot next to her. Giving Sasha a knowing look.

Sasha sat down and sighed "How do you know?"

"Well, you told me about the date Fletcher and you had. And I've told you that he wasn't the one who could make you happy. And now, look at you. You are happy! You glow. And your eyes are shining and I can tell by the blush of your skin that Tom know how to make you happy."

Sasha could only stare at her. Azima told the truth. "Yes, he does." she whispered. "He knew exactly what I needed."

"So he is that good?" Sasha only nodded with a dreamy look in her eyes. Only thinking about the things they had done, made her horny as hell.

"I knew you would break eventually. I didn't know you would last that long not to."

"I wouldn't call it break ..." Sasha smiled absentminded "... because he didn't only break me four times. He put me back together each and every time."

"Four times?" Azima whispered, looking at her with an astonished face.

Sasha only nodded and continued "God, Azima, it felt so so good. He made me feel as if no bone was left in my body. He … he was amazing. I never ever experienced such sex and feelings with any other man than with him."

"Wow. Would you mind sharing him?"

"I don't share him. He is all mine." Sasha laughed and went to her bedroom. Azima following her.

"Azima, I have no time. I have to change and then grabbing some stuff and going back to Tom. What do you want?"

"You're going back to him? Staying over?"

"Yes."

"Do the kids know?"

"Yes, they know I spent the night with him and they welcomed me with open arms. Even Ashley gave her approval."

"She did? I thought she might give you some problems."

"Me too. But our fears were unjustified. Both were very nice this morning and we laughed a lot at breakfast. It was really nice to sit at the table and listen to their stories and to see how they interact with Tom." She smiled at the memory. And then her thoughts went to some time earlier in the morning when she and Tom fooled around on the table.

"There is something else you are thinking about." Azima stated seeing her eyes got shiny. And when she saw Sasha's caught in the headlights look, she knew that there was something more.

"Oh it's nothing. I only thought about something we did this morning." Sasha tried to hide her thoughts.

"Yeah, I can see it." Azima shook her head and then "Wow, Sasha. You are in love!"

Sasha looked at her shocked, but then realization hit her. "Yes, I am."


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Plans"

Mike came into Tom's office and found him standing at one of the windows staring down. He cleared his throat but couldn't get Tom's attention. Curious about what or who held Tom's attention he strolled nearer to the window. Standing now a little behind Tom he could see a dark haired beautiful woman discussing something with another man. Mike cleared his throat again, but Tom didn't react.

"…. So I thought that when you don't make a move towards her, then I could ask Sasha out on a date and perhaps get together with her..." Mike stated provocatively.

Tom turned his head in a slow motion "What?" he asked confused and registered Mike standing behind him. "What did you just say?"

"Ah, at least I got your attention."

"What are you talking about?" Tom frowned.

"Well, I'm standing at your side for several minutes and didn't get your attention, cause you were distracted by this beauty outside."

"I asked you what you just said a minute ago." Tom said in a low voice. Someone who didn't know him too well, would think of a normal question. But Mike knew that Tom heard him well and was pissed at the words he heard. Tom didn't like it when someone was wandering on his ground.

So Mike held up his hands and smiled at him "As I said I couldn't get your attention for a while and the only thing I thought would succeed is when I told you that I would ask Sasha out on a date." Mike chuckled "And it worked."

Mike saw that Tom hasn't calmed down so he continued "Easy Tom, I would never make a move on her. You know that. She is yours. Everyone can see that. She has only eyes for you and vice versa. So relax. It was only to get your attention. Really."

Tom led out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. His body relaxed immediately and he shook his head. "Sorry."

"Don't be. So how is it going with her?" Mike asked and nod his head towards the window.

Tom smiled at him and went to his seat, gesturing Mike to take the seat in front of his desk. "It is good, Mike. We, … we … ahem..." Tom cleared his throat. "Sasha spent the weekend with me."

Mike's eyebrow rose a little "So, you both took the next step?"

"Yes, we did."

"About time." And when Mike saw his shocked face he continued "You both danced around each other for so long. It was time. Everyone could feel the sexual tension between you both and I'm happy you got laid. It loosens you up." Mike said with a smirk on his face.

"What are you talking about?" Tom asked.

"Oh come on Tom, you never noticed?" Mike asked in disbelieve. "Your body is too tense when you don't get any."

Tom looked at him dumbfounded and shook his head "I'm not tense, Mike."

"You were, believe me. But now you look very relaxed…." Mike trailed off.

Tom smiled a little "Well, it's probably because the weekend was relaxing."

"So the kids are happy with the circumstances?" Mike asked. "You told me they weren't happy with your girlfriend in Greece."

"Well, Cali isn't Sasha. I was worried before but Sasha was constantly around them and they got to know her as a normal friend of mine." Tom chuckled a little bit while remembering the conversation they had the morning after Sasha spent the night with him. "When we told the kids, that Sasha and I spent the night together, Sam was very happy and shouted finally and hugged her. He is really happy to have her around. He misses Darien and sometimes I think that Sasha can help him getting over the loss."

"And Ashley?"

"Well, I was worried about her reaction to Sasha and me. I told you about her reserve towards Cali." Tom paused and when Mike nodded his head he continued "But I needn't to worry. She said that I'm happy when Sasha is around me and that she likes it when I'm happy. So she hugged Sasha and welcomed her to our family." Tom said with grin on his face.

"Wow."

"Yes, I can't believe it myself. The last few days I'm waiting for the drop to fall and Ash will shout around and make me choose between my kids and my girlfriend."

"She won't do that." Mike stated.

"I hope so. Like Sam she is missing Darien and I think that she needs a woman around her."

"Yeah, especially when it comes to all the woman stuff." Mike deadpanned.

Tom growled "Don't remind me of that. I can't imagine to talk about periods and boys." After a pause he continued "Well, not that she will date anytime soon."

Mike looked at him in disbelieve and shook his head about Tom's pie in the sky. Not pushing his luck too far he changed the topic. "So, I came in to give you this report about the nonexistent fleet we have at the moment."

Tom grabbed the paper "So, there is not a single ship out there, only the James? I can't believe this, Mike. There has to be more."

"I know how you feel about this. I thought the same. I would like to go to San Diego and Mayport to inspect the sights."

"Good point. I have to go to Annapolis in a couple of weeks. So I can stop at Norfolk and look around. Don't think that the whole fleet is destroyed."

"What are you doing in Annapolis?"

"Well, we need sailors for our ships. So I want to install the academy again and see what people we can get. And perhaps I'm going to built a new teaching facility here in St. Louis."

"Sounds good for me. But in St. Louis? This isn't a city with Navy tradition Tom. I think it will be too tough to establish an academy here."

"I know. It must not be an academy. Perhaps other training or teaching facilities. As a preschool for the academy up Annapolis. I don't know exactly what I want. It's a project I'm thinking about some time. So I want to go inspect the facilities in Annapolis and then make a decision about to inform the president. We'll see." Shrugging his shoulders and looking at his friend. When Tom saw the uneasiness on Mike's face he asked concerned "What is it?"

Mike cleared his voice and looked at his friend. "Would you …. would you mind to go to my house and …." Mike trailed off, he couldn't continue.

"Yeah, sure, Mike. Of course I'll do. Have you … have you heard something about your family?"

"No, nothing. Even the private investigator couldn't come up with a trace."


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

„ **Memories"**

He was tossing and turning in his bed trying to find some needed sleep. All he could think about was her laying next to him, feeling her body against his. It left him restless. He turned to his left side – her side – seeing the empty space next to him. _"You shouldn't be alone in this bed."_ He told himself. " _Why isn't she here?_ " He grabbed her pillow and could still smell her scent from last night. As soon as his senses were filled with her smell he felt relaxing a little bit. He thought back to a similar reaction over a decade ago.

 _Flashback_

Tom was walking to his car when he heard a loud voice coming from his right side "Let go of me! Don't!" His head snapped to the side and he tried to see what was going on in the darkness. "Oh come on, don't play hard to get." Tom could hear a male voice. His hackles raised and he ran in the direction of the voices. When he came nearer he could see a man hoovering above a woman. She fought him but was in a disadvantage.

„Hey, let her go." Tom shouted while running towards the couple.

„Oh shit." The guy cursed and let go of the woman under him. He stood up and ran away. Tom came nearer and saw the guy running away. He knew he couldn't reach him any more so he ran to the woman who stood up slowly. Coming nearer to her he recognized her. It was Sasha! „God, Sasha, did something happen to you? Are you alright?" He asked concerned.

Sasha shook her head „I'm okay, Sir", she said with a trembling voice.

„You sure about it?" Tom asked her and helping her to get off the floor. When he saw her shocked face and her eyes wide open, he pulled her towards him and embraced her with a tight hug. She was shaking now but relaxed against him. For the first time since she left the building she felt save. His strength and warm body let her guard down and she began to cry.

„Shush, it's okay, Sasha. You're save now. I don't let anything happen to you. I've got you." Tom tried to calm her. „C'mon, let's get out of here." He said and guided her to his car.

They were at his apartment door when Sasha realized where they were standing. She looked at him with a confused face. „Why am I here?"

Tom looked apologetic „I don't want you to be alone right now. And I don't know if this guy know where you live. So I thought that my place is a safer place than yours at the moment." He opened the door and invited her in.

Guiding her to the sofa she sat down shaking again when the events hid her again. „Do you want something to drink?" Tom asked her gently.

„A cocoa, if you have any." she replied sheepishly.

Tom nodded „A cocoa, that is." he said and went to the kitchen, leaving Sasha on her own in the living room. While he put the milk into the microwave to heat up, he went to his bedroom and got changed into comfortable clothes. He went back to the kitchen and then to Sasha who hasn't changed her position since he let her alone to her thoughts.

When he put down the hot cocoa on the table she began to talk „He knew my name."

„Who?" Tom asked and the moment the word slipped out of his mouth he winced to himself. _„God, Chandler, you ass._ " he thought about himself.

But Sasha answered „The guy. He knew my name."

„Well, what's so .…"

„He knew my real name." Tom looked confused so she continued „Sasha is my nickname."

„Oh," Tom wondered „And what is your real name?"

„Alexandra."

„That doesn't stand in your files." Tom stated, a little bit confused why she hadn't filled out the forms correctly.

"I know. I hate the name. I like Sasha more" She told him shrugging her shoulders. "Will you report this?"

"You using a nickname? No. Sasha suites you." He said with a smile on his face.

"It does?" Smiling back at him

"Yeah, I think so." Staring back at her. He cleared his throat and asked "Do you wanna have something to eat?"

"Oh, no" Sasha stood up abruptly " I should get going. I don't want to be in your way. Thank you for your help."

Tom took her hand in his and argued "Don't, Sasha. Everyone would have come to help you. And you're not in my way. It would be nice to eat with another person than being always alone in the flat. Please stay." He said honestly. "When this guy knew your real name, he might know where you live. So it would be better, if you'll stay here at my place."

Sasha looked at him with concern and then her features softened. She nodded her head and sat down beside him "Okay, I'll stay. Thank you."

Tom grinned at her "So, what do you want to eat? Chinese, Italian?"

"Chinese."

"Okay I'll order something."

After spending the evening chatting about their families, the Navy and some of her tasks, Sasha yawned at some time.

"Well, I'll change the sheets and you can use my bed."

"Oh no. You don't have to do this. The sofa is just fine, Tom. Äh- Sir."

"Tom is fine. And no. I'll take the sofa, you the bed." Standing up from the sofa, Tom went to his bedroom. Sasha came after him and grabbed his hand.

"Don't please. The sofa is really fine for me." She pleaded with him.

He let out a sight "Okay, then. But let me get you a shirt to wear for the night. This uniform doesn't look comfortable to sleep in." He grabbed a T-Shirt and came back to the living room. "The bathroom is to the left, there are new toothbrushes in the top drawer and towels in the drawer. Help yourself."

"Thank you" Sasha said and grabbed the shirt.

Some time later she came out of the bathroom, only wearing her panties and the shirt Tom gave her. Her hair was hanging loosely around her face. Tom looked her up and thought _"God, Chandler what are you doing? She looks so gorgeous. Behave yourself. Don't make a move. She is your subordinate."_

Sasha came nearer and was oblivious of the thoughts of her superior officer. Tom shook his head "Here are some blankets. Sometimes the heater is bad and can be off at night."

"Oh don't worry, this will be fine." Sasha smiled at him "And thanks again."

"Sasha, don't thank me every minute. It's okay. Good night, and sleep well."

"You too. Good night." Sasha replied.

Tom went to the bathroom and went through is evening procedure before he got to bed. His thoughts running around his head about the beauty in his living room. He reminded himself over and over again that she was off limits and that he can't make a move on her. She was his subordinate and he was her boss. They could loose too much when they would give into their feelings.

Tom woke up and felt a warm body against his. " _What the hell?_ " he thought. " _I haven't took a woman to bed last night, how…?"_ And then the memories flooded back to his mind. He remembered the attempt raping scene, Sasha's shocked look on her face, her sitting on his sofa with a hot cocoa in her hands, their dinner together in his kitchen, her wearing only her panties and his shirt. Now he could feel her bare feet pressed up against his shin. Suddenly he realized his hand was resting on the lace of her panties. He took his hand back as if he was stung. " _Oh god, what had happened last night?_ " The quick remove of his hand let Sasha moved from her side onto her back. But she remained asleep. Tom looked at her relaxed features. He could see the amount of dark eyelashes, some furrows on her forehead. His eyes wandered down her face and came to a halt at her red lips. They were perfect. What would he give to taste her for only one time. His head went nearer to hers and he would have kissed her then and there if his alarm clock hadn't ring at that moment. He moved back at the same time she opened her eyes and looked at him with wide-opened eyes.

"Good morning. Slept well?" He managed to asked nonchalantly.

"Morning. Yes I did." Sasha responded, her cheeks blushing.

He grinned back at her. "So I see you found your way into my bed."

Sasha's blush deepened more "I'm sorry. I woke up in the middle of the night and it was so cold. So I just wanted to warm me up a little and go back to the sofa. But apparently I fell asleep next to you. I… I'm really sorry about it. Please don't think bad of me." She looked down on her hands.

"Hey" Tom lifted her head so that he could look into her eyes "Don't be. It's okay as long as nobody will ever know about this. Okay?"

"Yes, of course. I won't tell anybody."

"Good. I won't do it either." He paused and looked at the clock again. "Well, we have to be at class in an hour. So you like some breakfast?"

Her eyes lid up and a smile formed on her face "I would like to."

That night when he went to bed the memory of her in his bed didn't let him sleep. He knew that this woman would cause him trouble the moment he laid eyes on her. Her beauty, her smart brain and her agility triggered something in him. He never met a woman before her who challenged him the way she did. It made her even more irresistible. With a sight he rolled to the side and grabbed her pillow. It was still holding the smell of her shampoo. He relaxed immediately and felt himself drifting to sleep.

 _End of Flashback_

So laying in his bed he rolled over to the other side and grabbed his cell "You are one hell of a distraction."

Her answer came straight back "Why?"

"Can't sleep without you at my side."

"Neither do I."

"So, you mind to come over?"

"No. See you in 20."

Putting the phone onto the nightstand Tom chuckled and rolled back to the other side. The anticipation of Sasha coming to him relaxed him more and more. By the time she rushed into his room Tom was fast asleep. So she shed all her clothes except her panties and shirt and climbed into bed next to him. The moment her head hit the pillow she wrapped her arms around him and drifted into sleep with a smile on her face.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

" **Ghosts"**

She woke up with a start. " _What was that?"_ She asked herself but then she realized that Tom was tossing and turning beside her.

"No, no, please don't." He was murmuring. "No don't shoot her, take me, but not her. Please." While he spoke to whomever sweat was running down his forehead. His breathing was heavy and Sasha could see that he was miserable. So she shook his shoulder to wake him up.

"Hey, Tom, wake up" she tried to reach him. "Tom, hey, it's only a dream. Wake up."

"NOOOOO!" Tom yelled and woke up at the same time. Looking around with confusion, his eyes fell onto the person he didn't expect to see. "You're here." He whispered.

"Of course I'm here. Where else should I be?" Sasha asked softly.

He reached for her tentatively and when his fingers brushed over her face he repeated himself "You're here." Seeing her smile he pushed himself up and wrapped his arms around her. "Oh God, Sasha, I …. I thought,…." he stammered holding her very tight. "I thought I've lost you."

"Hey, this will never happen. I won't go anywhere, Tom. You're stuck with me." She tried to calm him with these words while wondering what dream had unsettled him in the first place. Taking his face into her palms she looked him deep in his eyes and asked "What is this all about? You want to tell me?"

Tom tried to look away from her but her steady hold on his head didn't allow him the luxury. So he only shook his head and whispered "No, I don't."

Sasha knew his answer before he even opened his mouth. " _Stubborn as ever"_ , she thought " _But not with me any more, sailor, not with me"_. "Tom," she tried to argue with him but couldn't say anything more because he broke out of her hold and jumped out of bed.

"I said no, Sasha." He told her angrily while walking towards the bathroom slamming the door behind him. Going to the sink he turned on the water and splashed it into his face and over his neck. Looking up into the mirror he saw the fear and horror in his eyes he always felt when having this particularly dream: It always starts on the Greek ship in Vellek's lab. He and Sasha make their way to compromise the ship and everything goes according to plan until they have to separate. The next image he sees is Sasha kneeling on the ground and Lucia is standing above her and holding a gun to her temple. He pleads with her and every time Lucia has a wicked smile on her face and while she is laughing at him, she pulls the trigger. While shouting "No" he runs to Sasha's dead body and is holding her tight.

He shook his head to loose the image of a bloody Sasha laying in his arms. Taking a deep breath he walked out of the room seeing immediately the empty bed. _"What? Where is she?_ " he asked himself. No, she can't leave him now. He knew he wouldn't survive without her. His eyes searched the room frantically and he led out a sight of relief when he saw her standing at the window looking out at the lake. Tom went to her, standing behind her and slipping his hands through her arms pressing her back to his naked chest. "I'm sorry, Sash." He tried to apologize. "I don't want to loose you." He bend his head and kissed her temple. She didn't respond nor react in any way. So he kept her tight and began to speak: "I'm dreaming a lot about you, Sash. And most of the time I'm loosing you. Sometimes it is Fletcher with a victorious smile on his face who takes you away from me, sometimes it is Lucia shooting you in front of me and sometimes it's a faceless person who kills you. I'm fighting for you, pleading to save your life but whatever I do, I'm always loosing you or the ones who are precious to me." His voice trembled and his eyes filled with tears remembering the images of his nightmares. He felt Sasha stirring in his arms trying to turn but he kept her tighter to his chest than before. He wasn't finished with his confession. He knew he needed to talk and it would be easier to do this without looking in her beautiful eyes.

Pressing his mouth against the side of her head he began to speak. "My dreams are changing. First it was Darien and the kids. Not knowing where they were or if they were okay. Then after learning that Darien died the dreams getting intensive about her. Like standing in front of our house in Norfolk and seeing her all sick. But I can't reach out to her. It's like I was rooted to the spot, like I couldn't move my legs. And all I could see was her pleading eyes to help her. But I did nothing. Then it was a dream where I could get to them in time, carrying the vaccine in a box. I gave the kids and my father the shot but then I realized that I hadn't one for Darien. So she died again and the kids and Dad looked at me all disappointed and told me that I was a murderer." His voice broke and Sasha managed to turn in his arms and wrapped her arms around his shaking body.

"You aren't a murderer, Tom" She said gently. "And the kids would never think about you in that way. They love you."

Tom hold on to her "I know, but the dreams hurt nonetheless."

After holding Tom for some minutes she asked tentatively "You said the dreams are changing. What else changed?"

He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. Seeing only sympathy and love in them he bent down and kissed her. After breaking the kiss he guided her back to the bed. When their back hit the mattress he took her in his arms and pressed his side against her. Sasha laid her head on his chest and her arm around his waist. Closing his eyes he went on "When Rachel died I dreamed about her and my actions. If I reacted in an other way than I did, she might be still alive."

"What?" Sasha's head jumped up to look at him in disbelief. "What could you have done? She was murdered in front of her room and she was alone."

"Yes, this is the official version. She went to her room unescorted and got shot. But – but in reality, she was with me."

"With you? You two…?"

When he saw the horror in her eyes and where her thoughts went to he replied immediately "NO, god no, Sasha. Not what you think. The president just gave me the new job as CNO and I had a headache. So I went to my room to get changed and trying to get some needed sleep. When I was about to open my door, Rachel came strolling towards me, swaying her hips. We talked about the president's pardon towards her and about her orders where to go next."

He snorted about the memory when reminding of the scene so long ago. "All the time she was on the James she wore jeans, but at that night she wore a dress. She looked lovely. And at some point her voice changed from a professional tone to a more personal one. She came nearer to me and handed me an envelope. Her intentions were clear but I couldn't do it, you know. I've lost Darien only two months before and I was still grieving and even the thought of sleeping with another woman than my wife filled me with guilt. It was like I would cheat on Darien although my brain knew that she was dead. So I turned Rachel down. I said that when she has finished her mission she should come and find me. I knew that she would be away for quite some time and I thought that I might come to terms with the fact that Darien died and that I might be able to move on. Taking the next step. It wasn't the right time for me to take her to bed. Looking into her eyes I saw her disappointment. She stopped swaying her hips and looked hurt. But I couldn't, Sasha. So she left. My last words to her were 'be safe'. When she rounded the corner I opened my door and stepped inside when I heard the shot."

"Oh Tom, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I'm glad I can talk about it. It feels so good to do that." He said with a little smile on his face and kissed her again. "And I'm glad it is you, I can talk to."

"Anytime, Tom. I love you."

"I love you more."

Sasha moved back to her former position and Tom went on "So after you know what really happened I dreamed about my actions. What if I would have taken her to bed that night or what if I would have went with her to her room. Would she still be alive? When I'm dreaming about her, it is mostly her dying in my arms with an unspoken accusation in her eyes. The weeks after her death were the worst. But it changed again when my dad died because of my actions in Asia. I'm dreaming about him a lot. Trying to make up for my bad behavior towards him when I was young. Trying to be there for him and the kids in time before Shaw get a hold on them. Sometimes I have to choose between him and Mike and the crew. I'm torn between them and it doesn't matter whom I choose, my dad always dies." Tears were streaming down his face now. Thinking and talking about his dad always made him sad and the guilt overwhelmed him a lot. Sasha squeezed their entwined hands trying to give him support and signaling him to continue.

Rubbing his tears away with his other hand Tom continued "Then there are the kids in every scenario you can imagine. There are two scenes which haunt me the most. One scene plays in Baltimore. I know they are at Olympia but I can't see them. I search the whole place but there are too many people in there. I can't see them, I can't hear them. I'm shouting, I'm searching and then I get to the factory and the ovens. I stand at the treadmill and seeing dead people on it. They disappear into the slot and then I see my kids lined up to be sent to the oven. Sometimes they are already dead, sometimes they are alive but I can't help them. Every time I'm too late to help.

The other scene is on the plane. Seeing them in the back of the plane and one of Shaw's guys is pressing a gun to their head. When I don't give her the correct answer Shaw gives him a look and with a smile on his face he shoots them. All I see is their fear and the disbelief that I let them down, that I couldn't help them.

And now I'm dreaming about you. About loosing you in so many different ways."

Sasha's eyes filled with tears when she heard him speak about his nightmares. She hurt for him. She looked at their entwined hands on his stomach, feeling his steady breathing, the thumbing of his heart, his warm body. Her heart went out to him. Trying to protect him from the nightmares, making him feel better. She raised her head and looked him in the eyes. What she saw in them let her hurt more. The devastation of his actions, then the pain he was in and then his eyes changed to a loving pool of blue eyes.

Bending down her head she whispered "I love you so much, Tom Chandler. Don't you dare think about one moment that I'll leave you. I waited fifteen years to tell you that I love you, that I want you. I'm not going anywhere. And believe me, there is no person who will ever succeed to separate us. No Shaw, no Fletcher and no Lucia. Or any other woman by the way."

His hand reached out to her and he caressed her cheek with his thumb. "I love you so much, Sasha Cooper."

* * *

 **MMM MMM MMMM MMM MMM MMM MMM**

He sat up and captured her lips. She let out a soft moan. It was all he needed to hear. He grabbed her hips and rolled them over, so she was underneath him. One of his hands went to the hem of her shirt and slipped under it making his way up to her breast. When he brushed over her nipple she whimpered softy. He brushed over her sensitive nipple again and again. Loving how receptive she was to even his lightest touch. He had never met anyone like her, never met anyone who reacted like this to him, not even Darien.

He pulled back to lean his forehead against her without taking his hand from her breast. "I love you." He said again.

"I love you too, Tom" Sasha whispered back. She captured his mouth again this time eagerly. Trying to tell him what she needed right now. He didn't miss the hint. He sat up and lifted her shirt above her head and laid her back down. Slowly he pressed a trail of kisses down her body. He started at her lips and went down her neck, between the valley of her breasts and across her stomach. He left one last kiss on the space where her panties met her skin before his fingers hooked around their edges and he removed them carefully from her body.

She gasped aloud when he put his mouth on her. Her body arched off the bed. He eyed her from between her tights a little insecure. She looked down at him and saw the worry in his eyes. Quickly she reached down to tangle her hands in his hair and smiled at him. He took her encouragement for what it was, and resumed lapping slowly at her wetness.

His mouth felt incredible on her. She arched herself nearer to him and lifted herself towards him when his tongue drove deeper inside her. He put his hands under her ass and lifted her to his level. Getting a better angle to penetrate her with his tongue. He felt her breath getting faster and he knew she was close to come. So he sucked at her clit and drove his tongue deeper in her. Her body stiffened and she shattered with a loud moan. "Tom … ah Tom..." she breathed hard. He crawled up her body with a broad smile on his face.

As his mouth met hers, she could taste herself while kissing him hungrily. It should have been a warning, because before he knew it she had flipped him onto his back, pushing down his boxers so she could take him into her mouth. She licked his hard shaft and sucked him in. He let out a soft moan. She smiled against him and continued her delicious torture. Tom had difficulties to not thrust up into her mouth, to not take control of the situation. But after some more strokes and sucks of her talented mouth he pulled her up to give her a heated kiss. While kissing her he rolled her on her back and positioned himself between her tights. He looked at her deeply and then bend down to kiss her again. Slowly he entered her. Feeling her slick and tight channel surrounding him. She felt so good. He stopped his movements and looked at her again. "God, Sash, you feel so good. I love being inside of you, Sash."

"You feel good either, Tom. And I love it when you are inside of me." She cupped his face into her hands. "Make love to me, Tom." She whispered.

He kissed her again and began moving inside her. First with slow and gentle strokes but after some time when her breath was coming faster and her nails were digging into his back his movements got faster and deeper. "Yes, Tom. Deeper, harder, faster." Sasha demanded. And Tom obeyed. He grabbed her hips and angled her body the way he could penetrate her deeper and with two long deep thrusts she shattered beneath him with a loud moan. His last thrust was so deep that their hips clashed together and when he exploded he could see stars. Panting heavily he rolled off of her and took her into his arms. "This was … this… "

Sasha smiled at him and when she could breath normally she answered "I know Tom..." She gave him a quick kiss and grabbed the blankets to cover themselves. She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes while his hand stroke up and down her spine. They laid there for quite some time and drifted into a deep and much needed sleep.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

""

Sunshine was shining into the room and on Tom's bed. The light and some little movement stirred him awake. He found Henry on the bed stepping up and down with his little paws on his foot and while doing so, he purred the whole time. Tom opened his eyes slowly and saw Sasha's peaceful face laying next to his. He looked at her intently as if he had to remember her face. " _She is so beautiful, inside and out",_ he thought. " _How did I manage to live without her for so long_?" He thought back to the previous night and what had happened. The nightmares haunted him almost every night. But they decreased when she was with him. Astonishingly they decreased to zero when she spent more than one night with him. It's like his subconsciousness told him to not worry about her or his kids as long as she was wrapped up in his arms.

His put a strand of dark hair behind her ear and let his fingers rest a little bit at the side of her head and then stroked over her cheek to her chin. She stirred a little but didn't wake up. So Tom leaned forward causing Henry to fall down the bed and pressed feathered kisses onto her cheek and then onto her mouth.

Sasha felt some movement at her mouth and then realized that Tom was about to kiss her again. Her hand darted forward and grabbed his head and brought him nearer to her, pressing her mouth to his. It was so unexpected that Tom was a little surprised but he recovered quickly and pressed his mouth to hers in return. He rolled them over and his body covered hers in all the right places. She led out a soft moan. He had to smile at this little sound and whispered while his lips were still on hers "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning handsome." She roamed her hands over his back and grabbed his ass to push him a little nearer to her. Tom led out a soft moan and grinned down at her.

"Thank you for last night, Sasha." He said in a serious tone. "It meant so much to me, that you were here and listened."

"Anytime, Tom, anytime." She replied and with a smirk on her face she continued "And I have to thank you for last night. You were incredible."

He smiled back at her. "So were you." He bent down and captured her lips again. This time it lasted longer than before. When they broke apart he asked mischievously "Wanna have a repeat?" Her only answer was a wide grin on her face and her hands pressing his body and his lower parts to her. He was about to enter her when Henry jumped on the bed again. This time he missed the mattress and landed instead on Tom's bare ass. With a jolt of surprise Tom started up "What the fuck." He gasped aloud looking down behind him. "You little intruder, get off the bed." He grumbled and tried to push Henry down again. But Henry was quicker than him and went to the other side of the bed where Tom couldn't reach him without leaving Sasha.

Sasha couldn't hold back her laughter. "Don't" He looked back at her again with a dark glance. His whole appearance and his face made her laugh even more.

"Why not? This is so hilarious."

"It isn't." He grumbled again. "I was about to have incredible sex with you again and now my ass is hurting too much because this guy over there had to put his claws in it."

"Don't be a sissy." She replied and pulled him down towards her again, her hands on his ass. Her hips met his half way and with a swift move he entered her. This time no one interrupted them.

Afterwards they laid tangled beside each other. He was holding her tight to his chest while she rested her head on it. "I wish we could stay here the whole day." Sasha whispered.

"Hmmm. That would be so nice." He replied. "Making love to you the whole day and night."

She looked up at him. "I miss our weekends just doing that."

"I miss them too." He said holding her gaze. "What do you think when you would come to Norfolk and Annapolis with me in two weeks? When I've finish my work we could spend the weekend there or somewhere else. Just you and me."

"I don't know, Tom." She hesitated. "What about your kids?"

"They can stay with Mike or have some sleepover with their friends." He argued. "Oh come on Sasha, this trip would be so much better when you would come along with me. Please."

She couldn't say 'No' to this wonderful man with this pleading blue eyes. "Let me check my schedule and if there isn't any appointment I'll come along."

Tom grinned at her and gave her a loving kiss. Their bodies came back together but before something could happen again they heard Sam pounding down the stairs. With a sight, Sasha let go of Tom and said "Time to get up and make some breakfast for the kids."

"What?" Tom asked "They can do it on their own. They are old enough." He said trying to grab her again.

"Oh no, sailor. This time nothing will happen." Sasha said firmly. "The kids don't know I'm here and I don't want them to find us making out in bed." With that said, she went off the bed and towards the bathroom when Tom's voice hold her back.

"Sasha stop" he said shocked "Did I do that?"

Looking at him she asked "What are you talking about?"

He stood up and went to her. His fingers roaming over her hips "This." He pointed on her waist. Sasha looked down and saw a bruise on each side of her hipbone.

"Did I hurt you?" Tom asked anxiously. He continued with self-contempt "Did I … Have I been so rough? Did I loose that much control that I hurt you last night?"

"You didn't hurt me, Tom." Sasha replied tentatively.

"Yes, I can see that." He answered sarcastically. "I'm so sorry, Sasha."

She reached out to him and grabbed his face into both of her hands and looked at him. But he averted his eyes. "Look at me." She demanded and when he finally looked at her she said "You haven't hurt me. Not last night, not this morning and not in the past. Do you understand?"

He nodded but averted his eyes again looking down on the bruises. "It shouldn't have happened." He whispered. "I should have had more control over this."

"Hey," Sasha put a finger under his chin and tilted his head until he was forced to look her into her eyes. "You were wonderful last night and this morning. Tom, you have to believe me. You haven't hurt me. I love you so much" She leaned closer and kissed him. After some seconds she felt him relax and wrapping his arms around her body.

"I love you too."

* * *

The four of them were sitting at the table and chatted around.

"Sasha, when did you come by?" Sam asked.

"Last night, it was a spontaneous visit."

"Why can't you stay here all the time? Then you don't have to leave in the morning and get some other things from your flat. Aaaannd you would be home with us aaaallll the time."

"Yeah, Sasha that would be great having you here around. Then I wouldn't be the only girl in the house." Ashley chirped in.

Tom looked amazed from one kid to the other and couldn't hold back a grin. The thought of Sasha moving in with them occurred more than once in his mind. But he was a little afraid to ask. Thinking she would run for the woods because it would be to soon. But his kids beat him again. And he didn't mind at all.

"I don't know." Sasha trailed off. "But it would have its advantage. Seeing you guys more often and not only for saying good night or good morning."

"Uh-huh," Sam replied, drawing out the syllables. "This would be awesome. Can you move in with us today?" He asked enthusiastic.

Sasha's gaze went out to search Tom's and to see if he was on the same page than his kids. All she could see was a grinning Tom and happiness were shining from his eyes. Tom's happy face and his shining blue eyes full of love were answer enough. With a sight she replied, not leaving Tom's gaze "Alright, then, I'm moving in with you."

Tom closed his eyes for a moment and let go of the breath he was holding. When he opened his eyes again they directly met Sasha's eyes. He stood up and went to her pulling her up and wrapping his arms around her. He whispered into her ear "Thank you. You don't know what this means to me."

"I have to thank you for letting me in in your family. You have wonderful kids, Tom Chandler." She whispered back to him.

He looked at her then and captured her lips.

"Oh no, Ash..." Sam grumbled " … we haven't thought about all the make out. Now we have to see them the whole time."

Tom broke the kiss and while holding Sasha close, he couldn't hold back his laughter.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

" **Memories in a box I"**

"Dad?"

"I'm here, Ash." Tom answered.

"Where?"

"Attic."

When Ashley managed to climb up the stairs to the attic she saw her father rummaging in a box. "What are you doing up here?"

"Oh I wanted to make room for some things Sasha will bring along and I found some boxes I hadn't have time to go through when we moved in."

"What is this stuff?" Ashley asked while stepping nearer to look into the box.

"This," Tom trailed off, "this is from my time back at the Academy in Annapolis. I thought I lost the box when I moved around. I can't remember to have it when I moved in with your mom. But apparently it was always in reach."

"Oh, is there some stuff from mom too?"

"No, sweety, I'm sorry. It's only from me and my books and memories of the time there."

"Perhaps you'll find something from Sasha." Ashley trailed off.

"Maybe." Tom replied. He looked up at his daughter "You really okay with her moving in with us?"

"Oh yes, dad. Otherwise I wouldn't have said what I said."

"Yeah, but … " Tom took a deep breath. "You didn't like Cali and I'm only together with Sasha for three months. So it isn't too soon for you?"

"Nah, dad. You love her."

"Yes I do." He nodded his head. "I love her very much. But I loved your mom too, you know." He had the need to say something like this to make sure his kids knew he hadn't forgotten their mother.

"I know, dad. Don't worry. Sasha is fun and she makes you happy and us. And you know, mom would have wanted you to find someone who can make you happy."

He looked at his daughter for a long time. "You think that? About your mom?"

"Yes, I do. And actually she told us, that you need someone and that you should look for someone who can make you happy."

"She told you?" Tom asked in disbelief. Ashley nodded her head.

"Yeah, when she realized that she was infected and will die. When grandpa refueled the car she talked to us."

"What did she say?" Tom whispered. It was one of the rare moments one of his kids shared their memory with him. Therefore he tried to stay calm and don't press to much.

"Well, that she loved us. That we shouldn't be sad when she passed away. That we should be strong and to look out for you. That she was convinced that you would find us and save us. That she loved you very much. And that she wanted you to find happiness again and that we should accept the next woman in your life."

"You should what?" Tom asked shocked. "Ash, your mom shouldn't have asked you for it. If you don't like Sasha or if you have second thoughts about her, then please tell me. I don't want you or your brother to like her only because your mom said so."

"Dad, it's okay. Really. We really like her. And by the way, we didn't like the next woman in your life, if you can remember." When she saw his confused gaze she continued "Cali. She was the next after mom. And you know we didn't like her that much. She didn't make you happy. Perhaps you felt better but you weren't happy at that time. But Sasha on the other hand … she likes us and she tries to be there for us in our daily routine. She even managed to come to most of our school dates and to Sam's games. She wants us to be happy. And she makes you happy, dad. And that's all I want, you know."

"Oh, come here, angel." Tom hold out his arms and Ashley went straight to him. "How is it that you are such a big girl? Where on earth did the time go?"

"Hey, don't exclude me" Sam complained when he saw the other two.

Tom hold out his other arm and Sam jumped into him. "We won't, son." Tom held his kids close and gave each of them a kiss on their heads.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked after a while.

"I want to make room for Sasha's stuff and found some boxes."

"Yeah, there is one from the Academy." Ashley told her brother. "Perhaps we can find some record cards and see if he really was that good in school." Ashley teased and both of the kids went to the open box.

"Hey, you don't believe I had good marks?" Tom asked pretending to be offended.

The kids rummaged through the box. "Oh my god, I found a photo of you and some girl. Who is this?" Ash asked curiously.

Tom went to her and looked down at the photo seeing him standing beside a beautiful young dark-haired girl at the beach. He smiled "You don't recognize her?" His daughter shook her head. "It's Sasha."

"What?" Ash asked. "She is so young."

"Yes, she was very young when we first met."

"What was it like? Was it love at the first sight?"

"No, it wasn't, Ash. That came later." Tom replied with a sight. When he saw his kids waiting eagerly for more information he sat down on the floor and continued. "When I saw Sasha for the first time, I knew she would be trouble. She was a tomboy." He chuckled a little bit from the memory. "She was rebellious and I couldn't quite figure out why she came to the Navy and the Academy. She always disobeyed orders especially from me. Later on I learned that she did it on purpose only to see my reaction or to mock me."

"And you punished her?"

"That I did, Sam." Tom smiled back. "Most of her time she got detention. More than other recruits. But it never bothered her."

"What did she do?"

"Well, for starters. Most of the time she turned in her essays one or two days later than the originally submission date. The essays were always brilliant work, but I had to subtract one or two marks for it. She was one of my best students, you know. Then when we had tactical training she thought ahead of the things that might can happen and act the way and not the way she was told to do. And in real life combat you have to think this way. But back at the Academy you had to learn the errors and why you lost the battle. There was no training effect for her."

"But isn't this a good sign, to think ahead?"

"It is. Like I said, your life depends on it in real life combat."

"What else did she do?"

"Well, there were other things but sometimes she disobeyed orders and then she had to go back to the training facilities and do an extra round of circuit training. Not only in the gym but most times outdoor with a lot of mud and hard tasks."

"Was it only you who fined her? And what did you do when she had to do the tasks?"

"No, it wasn't only me. There were other trainers as well. But I stayed with her all the time when she was under my watch. So when she had to do the outdoor rounds in the rain, I had to be in the rain too."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, it does." Tom chuckled.

"So, when you gave her all the detention why did she fall in love with you?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know. You, have to ask her."

"And you? When did you fall for her?"

"I don't know the exact time but it crept into me slowly." Tom replied and continued after thinking about the time. "I was intrigued by her brain and her smartness. Sometimes she had difficulties in solving her tasks and we discussed the subject. Our discussions lasted more than an hour and sometimes we forgot the time about it. Most times the librarian kicked us out of the library at ten in the night." He chuckled again. "And we talked not only about the assignment but also about our private life. So I learned a lot about her. Got her confidence. And she doesn't open up to someone easily. It's a very rare moment, when she opens up."

"And then you kissed her?" Sam asked eagerly.

"No, Sam. That came later."

"When?"

"Well, we had a training at night. It was like the game capture the flag. And Sasha was on my team. She and the others managed to win the game and we all celebrated in a bar nearby. And I brought her home on that night and then we kissed at some point."

"And had sex?"

"Sam" Tom called out indignant but then answered honestly. "Yes, we had. But this is a topic I won't tell you anything about."

"Awgh, no dad, you don't have to. I don't want to know anything about it. It's too gross." Sam deadpanned back.


	39. Chapter 39

Hi, I know the chapter isn't long but I wanted to update because I don't know if I have time in the next weeks. So I thought a little bit more of TomSha fluff might bright your day as we don't get any of them in the fandom lately... (all those who wrote about them this was a broad hint :-) )

* * *

 **Chapter 39**

" **Memories in a box II"**

What is this, dad?" Sam was holding up a little velvet box. Without waiting for a reply he opened the box and found a shiny diamond ring in it. "Whoa! This looks pretty."

Tom looked up at the excited voice of his son and saw the box in his hand. Tom cursed himself for not hiding this little object. He sighed "What does it look like to you, Sam?"

"A ring?"

"THIS," Ashley yelled "This is not an ordinary ring, Sam! This is an engagement ring!" She looked at her father. Tom saw the fury in her eyes and drooped his head. This was not the way he wanted them to find out that he had bought an engagement ring all those years ago. "Why is there a ring in this box?"

"I..." Tom looked up at his kids. "You know that Sasha and I had a relationship back then and it was really serious for me. So I … I bought an engagement ring because I wanted to spent the rest of my life with her." He defended himself.

"And why is it still in this box?"

"Before I could pop the question, Sasha left me." He whispered.

"She dumped you?" Ash asked.

"No, she didn't."

"What happened?"

"As I told you she was one of our best students and other departments were interested in her: The Navy, Navy Intelligence, the Marines even the CIA wanted her. She worked hard for this. And I on the other hand wanted to settle down, start a family at some point. If Sasha would have stayed with me, she wouldn't be in the position she is in now. I would have stand in her way."

"You let her go, then." Ash whispered after taking in the life he gave up for her.

"Yes, I did."

"And she didn't know that you were gonna propose to her?"

"No she didn't."

"Oh dad, I'm so sorry." Ashley tried to comfort him.

"Don't be. It was the right thing to do at that time. For all of us. I was heartbroken and I needed time after she left, yes, but then after some months I met your mom." He smiled his trademark smile. "She was the one who put me back together and she never let me go. And the best part is, that she gave me you two and I'm always grateful for this." He wrapped his arms around them again and hold them tight.

After a while Sam asked "And what are you doing now? This ring is so pretty."

"I don't know, Sam. Maybe putting it back into the box." Tom shrugged his shoulders.

"WHAT?" Ashley asked angry. "Why?"

"What do you mean, why. Why not?"

"Aw DAD! YOU love HER and she loves you."

"Yeah, I know. And?"

"Ask her." Ash demanded.

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, dad. Ask Sasha to marry you." Sam chirped in.

* * *

Tom stored the rest of the boxes in one of the corners back in the attic when he heard movement behind him.

"Are you hiding?" Sasha asked tentatively.

Tom looked back to her and a smile spread out on his face "No, I'm not. I'm making room for your stuff." He replied.

"You do?"

"Hm, I would do anything for you, Sash." He replied while coming nearer to her. He closed the distance between them and took her in his arms. Bending down his head he captured her lips and gave her a long and loving kiss.

"It seems that someone has missed me."

Instead of an answer he kissed her again, pulling her even closer to him. When his hips met hers she let out a soft moan and she wrapped her arms even tighter around his back. The need of air pulled them apart and Tom leaned his forehead against hers. "I've missed you."

"I missed you, too." She whispered back. Her eyes scanned the room and a photo captured them. "What is this?" She asked moving out of his embrace. He looked after her and followed.

"Well, I found a box of my time in Annapolis."

"Oh my god. This picture is taken on Assateague island."

"Yeah I know." He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her front looking over her shoulder. "It was a wonderful weekend out there. We could be ourself and didn't have to fear that someone from the Academy would see and report us."

"Yeah, it was wonderful. Do you think this little vacation rental is still there?"

"I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders. She bent her head to the side and Tom kissed her mouth immediately. Sasha turned in his arms and they deepened the kiss. Each of them in thoughts about their time spending at the island. They declared their love to each other on that trip.

After a while Sasha broke out of the hold he had on her and looked down in the box. "What is this?" she asked and hold up a velvet box.

Tom saw the error he had done by not tugging the little box away. Oblivious to his anxious look on his face she opened up the little box and gasped. "Oh, Tom. You still have it?"


	40. Chapter 40

**It took me a little while to post a new chapter. But I don't have the time to post on a regular basis. Sorry about this. But I can tell you that I'm not finished with this story or with my other story "The Fight". Anyway, I read all TomSha fics here and one that I love is "Love Truth and Honesty" from The Writers Hangout. There is a wonderful scene where Sasha looks at Tom's sparrow and sees her named etched in the feathers. It is a lovely idea and thanks to the courtesy of the author I can use this idea for my story. If you haven't read the story "Love Truth and honesty" please do it.**

 **Chapter 40**

" **Chincoteague Island"**

He came nearer to her with a frown on his face. And when he looked at the content of the box he led out a little sigh. It wasn't the box with the ring he was looking at but a box with a shell in it. "As I told you, I found it today and was going through all the stuff."

Sasha took out the shell and turned it over so she could see the back of it. The word "Love" has been engraved in it.

 _Flashback_

They arrived late Thursday evening after a long day at the academy. Tom was trapped in a meeting with Admiral White and all he wanted to do was going home, pack his bag and pick up Sasha. They decided some weeks ago to spent the long weekend away from Annapolis. They wanted to act and live like a normal couple without any fear to get caught. Going out for dinner, holding hands and kissing in public. So they came up with the plan to go to Chincoteague Island a two hour drive away.

They drove to the island and parked the car in front of a pension. It was a lovely place. It had a breakfast room and a common room. But Tom and Sasha had other thoughts on their minds than spending time with the landlady and the other vacationer. Their room was under the roof with a little balcony. They didn't went out to get something to eat. Tom had pinned her the whole time to the mattress and wasn't planning to let her out of his embrace.

The next morning began like the evening ended. But at some point their need to eat was bigger than the need to be close to one another. After spending some time with the landlady at breakfast they went out to the town and strolled through the streets. First with a little gap between them scared to get seen from the colleagues, but at some point Tom grabbed her and laid his arm around her shoulder while Sasha wrapped her arm around his waist. They kissed and hold hands and just enjoyed their company. It was an overwhelming feeling for both of them to express their love in public.

Later that day they drove to Assateague Island to walk at the beach and to see some of the wild horses. When they hit the beach, they rolled up their trousers and took their shoes in their hands. Sasha was laughing most of the time and walked at the shoreline while Tom was close by. Sometimes he just grabbed her and hold her tight or he spun them around. Everyone who saw them could see that they loved each other and were happy. When Tom put Sasha on the ground she saw a shell lying in the sand. She bend down and grabbed it. It was a white shell with some light pink color in the middle.

"This is so beautiful, Tom" she said to him. He looked down at her open hand and replied "Yeah looks nice."

"It looks nice? Really Tom, it is beautiful."

"This isn't so beautiful, but you are." He said and looked at her with so much love in his eyes.

Sasha blushed and couldn't hold back her impulse of blurting out "I love you."

His reply came prompt "I love you too."

She smiled at him and he took her face into his hands and kissed her breathless. He couldn't believe they said " _I love you_ " so easily. It felt so right to him to say it and mean it. He loved her with all he had and he hadn't the intention to ever let her go. In this moment he knew she was the one. Little did he know that Sasha felt the same about him. When she looked into his eyes and saw only love in it, she had to tell him her feelings. She really loved him and in that moment she knew she had lost her heart to him forever.

The kissed again and enjoyed the moment. After a while Sasha looked down at the beach again and saw the matching half of the shell. She grabbed it before the waves could take it out into the sea. "Look, there is the matching part of the shell."

A day later Tom found an engraver to put the word "Love" into the back of the shells and also a little hole to put a necklace through it. When he came back to Sasha he took her into his arms and said "I love you" and handed her one of the shells. She looked at him with surprise and was overwhelmed from his actions. She put the shell immediately around her neck while he put it in his front pocket of his shirt.

 _End of flashback_

They looked at the shell inside and both had a little smile on their faces when they remembered the past. Tom was the first one to stir. He shifted in front of her and took her face into his hands and made sure she looked him in the eyes. He lingered there for a moment and said to her "I love you. I want you, us for the rest of my life."

Her eyes watered and she replied "I love you too, and I want you and us for the rest of my life."

He kissed her again and only the thought of the kids downstairs hold them back to not make love right here and there.

* * *

A week had passed since Sasha moved into the Chandler house. She couldn't describe how happy she was with the warm welcome of the kids and Tom. Even when the weekdays were beginning with a little stress in the morning because the kids woke up too late and Tom was occupied with her, she enjoyed every moment. This morning however she woke up to find Tom still sleeping beside her. She rolled onto her right side and looked at his sleeping body. Her eyes roamed up and down his sleeping form. She took in his soft feature on his face, the little smile around his mouth and his dark eyelashes. Then her eyes wandered to his ear and down his throat to his collarbone and then along his chest and saw his steady breathing. Her eyes peered down his body and only the sheets around his waist covered him from her eyes. His naked torso reminded her of the previous night they had spent together. As always it was a night full of love and desire. Sasha shook her head to get the images out of her head and her eyes wandered back up to his tattoo. She remembered the day he got it. It was born out of a dare. And it ended that not only Tom got a sparrow with Sasha's name etched into the feathers but leaving Sasha with the same tattoo on her arm with Tom's name written in the feathers. It matched Tom's sparrow with one difference: His was looking down from his shoulder while hers was looking up. And when his left arm touched her right arm the sparrows kissed each other. After a while her eyes looked up into his face and she locked eyes with him. He woke up at some point without Sasha noticing it.

"Good morning, beautiful." He whispered and trailed a finger along her cheek. "Slept well?"

"Good morning handsome," she replied. "Yes I did." She trailed a finger over his sparrow.

"What's on your mind?" He asked.

"Nothing. I only remembered the day when we got these tattoos." She shrugged her shoulders. "It was a nice idea but ..."

"But?"

"Wasn't it a little awkward for you or Darien? Having the name of your ex-girlfriend tattooed on the arm? How was she feeling about it?"

"She was okay with it." Tom replied. "I told her about you and she knew you were important to me. She never complaint about it." He looked at her. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, my husband never liked to be reminded of someone that special to me."

"He was jealous?"

Sasha nodded her head "Absolutely. He knew I loved him, but he also knew that there was someone else in my life who was present all the time even he wasn't there." She frowned ."I don't make sense, do I?"

"Not really." Tom replied. "But let me see, if I understand correctly. He was jealous of me because my name is written into the feathers?" Sasha nodded her head. "But we broke off and you met him almost 7 or 8 years after we broke off. So why was he jealous?" Tom asked bewildered.

"Well, I never told him openly about you. And when he saw the name he reacted the way he did. I tried to explain that you were a big part of my life and at the academy back then. And that this was one of our 'truth or dare games'."

"It wasn't a truth or dare game for me back then, Sasha. It meant a lot to me to put your name on my arm. I was helter-skelter in love with you. But I couldn't express my love to you in front of my friends or colleagues. So this was a part for me to show everyone that I love you. This sparrow and especially your name in it means a lot to me." He looked at her with so much love in his eyes that Sasha had to blink back her tears.

"It means a lot to me, too. I couldn't tell my husband how much it meant to me and how much **you** meant to me." She sight and continued "I loved my husband and he knew it, but deep down inside me I knew that I would always love you. You were the one who knew my darkest secrets, you were the one who knew my soft spots and you were the one who looked at me without judgment. And you never ever took advantage of my failures or my actions. You always encouraged me to give my best and go my own way. And I think that Julian knew that somehow and that he never could compete with you. And your name on my arm reminded him that there was someone else who hold my heart."

Tom looked at her dumbfounded and shifted nearer to her. He kissed her hard on her lips and when Sasha put her arms around his neck he rolled her on her back and said "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

" **Demons I"**

"Dad, please don't go." Sam cried and hung his arms around Tom's leg. "Please, no."

Tom's heart broke at the sight of his son. He hasn't seen him like this before. He was ready to go to the inspection to San Diego which should have been Mike's task. But unfortunately he lay down with the flu. So Tom had to jump in and delayed his inspection in Norfolk and Annapolis for some weeks in the future. Now he was confronted with a crying son.

Tom ducked down and tried to entwine his son from his legs. "Sam," he said gently. "We talked about this situation. I'm sorry but I have to go. I have to get my plane. And I promise, I'll be back next week. The earlier I get there the sooner I'll be back." He succeeded to pull his son back and he went down on his knees to wrap his arms around him.

"No, something terrible will happen, daddy. Don't go." Sam clutched his hands together at the back of Tom's neck.

Tom sighed "Hey, what are you talking about?"

"When you went to the Arctic mommy got ill and died… and ..." he said between sobs "and when you went to China grandpa died …. and …. we were kidnapped ….. and we almost lost you….. so … so don't go."

Tom looked heartbroken at his sobbing son, then his eyes wandered to Ashley and Sasha who was standing nearby and observed the scene. His eyes went back to his daughter and he could see tears shimmering in her eyes. He held out his other arm and Ashley ran to him. She laid her head in the crock of his neck and hold him tight. "Everything will be alright. Okay? I'm just working in San Diego nothing more. It's like I'm going to work in the morning and come home in the night. You're asleep and will see me in the morning. But this time I'm going to work and come back some days later. And Sasha is here for you two. Nothing will happen to you or her or me. I promise."

"How can you promise this?" Sam asked "Last time you went away hell broke out. You always leave us behind. First with mom – and she died. Then with grandpa – and he died. Then with Cali – well she didn't but Alex died a day before you went away. Who is next? Sasha?"

Tom looked at Sasha and gulped hard. "No she isn't gonna to die. Noone will die, Ash. Look" he said and pushed his kids a little away so he could see them in the eyes. "I wish I could take you with me. But I can't. And it would be too boring for you two. I'm away on the base all day long till late in the evening and you would have to wait for me all day in a hotel room. So it is better for you to stay at home with Sasha and go to school."

"But what happens when something happens to you or Sasha?"

"Look, Sasha is the best operator I know. Even Danny doesn't get to her level." He said seriously. "She saved my life more often than I like and she is going to protect you if it is necessary." He looked at her then and his eyes pleaded with her to help him out of this situation.

"Hey, guys." She interrupted "Say goodbye to your dad and we can spend the day together. Think about what you want to do."

Ashley nodded her head and hugged her father before she gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Bye dad and stay save." Tom hugged her back and placed a kiss on her head. "Bye Ash."

He turned to his son and hugged him too. "Everything will be fine, Sam." He stood up and said to his kids "Be good. I love you." And then he turned to Sasha took her into his arms and hugged her tight "Thank you" He whispered into her ear. "I love you."

"I love you too" she replied and gave him a kiss. After they separated she looked at him and then at the kids "So if you want to catch your flight, you should go." Tom sighed and let go of her. He went to his bag at the door and took it into his hands. His hand on the door knob he turned around and looked at his family. Taking in the picture of the ones he loved and would give his life for. "See you in eight days." He opened the door and went out without looking back.

Sasha was standing in the hallway with the kids in her arms on either side of her and she squeezed their shoulders "So, you two monkeys, what shall we do? It's Saturday morning and we have all day long to do something."

"I don't know" Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "Perhaps hanging around a little bit just the three of us?"

"Hmmm, what about a Mario Kart game?" Sasha asked "I think someone promised me a game."

"Yeah, that'll be great. But be advised you'll never beat me, Sasha." Sam said enthusiastically and jumped to the entertaining room his concerns forgotten for the moment.

* * *

When Sasha went to bed she had time to think about the events that happened in the morning. Seeing the kids in such distress with Tom leaving made her uneasy. She didn't know that the kids had such fear of loosing him. _"I have to talk to him about this. I don't think that he thought about to get help for the kids. They had to deal with so much and especially with the deaths of their mother and grandfather that certainly cut deep wounds in their hearts. Perhaps they can see a psychologist to get some help."_ She thought while holding Tom's shirt in her arms. She sniffed at it and the smell of him and the mixture of his soap and aftershave filled her nose. The instant she smelled it she began to relax and drifting into sleep.

Sasha jumped out of her slumber when she heard a sound in the hallway. She listened carefully if she could hear something else and when she saw Henry peak up his ears she knew someone was out there. Carefully she went out of the bed and got to the door which was thankfully left a little ajar. Looking out of the room she could see light shining under the door of Ashley's room. Sasha let out a sigh of relieve and went to Ashley's door. Knocking on it gently she put her head through the gap and looked around. Sam and Ashley were awake, laying in bed and holding on to each other.

"Hey, what's going on?" Sasha asked them.

They looked at her apologetic "Sorry, we wake you"

"No, you didn't. So what's going on?"

"Well, I was so lonely and I went to Ashley." Sam explained. Sasha nodded her head in understanding that he wasn't lonely but scared and didn't want to admit it.

"What do you think about sleeping in my bed instead of the small one here?" She asked them.

Sam's eyes were shining and he jumped out of the bed "That would be great."

Laying down in the king size bed with a kid at each side, Sasha began relaxing again.

"Do you really think, daddy will be okay?" Sam asked suddenly.

"Yes I do."

"How do you know?"

"Well, Sam. If and I repeat if something had happened to him, I would have got word. So everything is fine."

"Then why hasn't he called?"

"I think that he is so engrossed in his work that he hasn't realized it's that late. And by the way, San Diego is 2 hours back so, perhaps he hasn't realized this either."

Ashley smiled in the darkness "That's more like dad. Forgetting the time difference. So you don't have to worry, Sam. I bet he will call in two hours to say good night to us."

"Mkay. Good night." Sam replied sleepily and snuggled up in Sasha's arm. He was fast asleep after seconds and Sasha could only wonder how fast he got to sleep. " _Like father like son_." she thought. Tom could always sleep in the weirdest places and even when he slept for only five minutes he was well rested. She on the other hand tossed and turned a lot till she fell asleep.

"Sasha?" Ashley whispered. "You still awake?"

"Yeah." Sasha whispered back.

"Do you really think that dad's okay?"

"Yeah, Ash, I do."

"Okay, thought you would tell Sam so that he can sleep. He is really anxious something will happen to him."

"I can't promise you that nothing will ever happen to him, but I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to protect your father and you two."

"You really love him, right?"

"Yes, I do. And I love you two monkeys too."

"We love you too." Ashley replied and hugged Sasha.

After a while Ashley asked again "You still awake?"

"Yeah." Sasha mumbled. "What's on your mind?"

"I … I don't know how to start." Ashley sighed. "It is scary that dad isn't around us."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Everytime dad was away, something happened and someone died. The day he had to go to the James to organize the mission he got a phone call from his boss. He said that the mission changed and that he isn't going to the Med but to the Arctic. He was confused about it and Mom was not happy with it. And then we learned that he wasn't allowed to call us. It sucked. I can remember a mission before the Arctic. He called us once a day and sometimes even twice. In the morning and evening. And not hearing anything from him with his last mission was unfamiliar. Then after he was away for a month news about the red flu got worse. Granddad and mom talked a lot and fought about it. Mom didn't like granddad to much. When we were visiting him and grandma mom always talked with grandma and wasn't happy when she was alone with grandpa. He had always grumbled towards her. But when they decided to go to his cabin both of them changed. Grandpa really appreciated her doing and she was glad he was around and could help us. Life in the cabin was ordinary but we got along. At some point I caught them talking about dad and if he knew what was going on. Then grandpa got the idea to make a video and sent it to him. Hoping that he would be fine and that he could come to us when he went back to Norfolk. As the weeks past by we haven't heard a word from him even when we listened to the radio. At some point a device broke and mom went to city. Well, it was the beginning of her suffering. She was infected and soon we all got sick. It was terrible to see her fading away and not being able to help her. Grandpa heard about Olympia in Baltimore and we packed our stuff and went there. But unfortunately mom didn't make it. She died in the backseat of the car in Sam's arms. Grandpa dig a grave at the edge of the road and we buried her there and then. I don't know where it was. Somewhere in no man's land." She stopped talking and gulped hard. Tears were streaming down her face at the memory of her beloved mother.

Sasha shifted in bed and was now facing a crying Ashley. She wrapped her arms around her and stroke her back up and down and tried to sooth her. Ashley cried herself into sleep.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

" **Demons II"**

The next morning Sasha went out of bed without waking up the kids. She stood at the door to her bathroom and watched them sleeping. Ashley was curled up laying at her side while Sam laid on his back and stretching out his limps in every direction. Sasha chuckled and shook her head. Even when he looked more like Darien he couldn't deny his father who also laid often on his back and stretching out his limps. Sam was so alike him with his whole behavior and gestures. After finishing her morning routine she went downstairs and prepared breakfast.

Making herself a coffee she took her phone from the counter she saw that she had a missed call from Tom last night. She listened to his voice mail " _Hey Sasha, it's me. Sorry I couldn't call earlier. You in bed already?"_ He paused a little and then continued. _"Ah, shit I forgot about the time difference. Sorry. Hope everything is fine at your end and that the kids didn't give you so much trouble."_ He sighed _. "Look, I'm really grateful that you look after them. I love you. More than you can imagine. And I miss you three a lot. Therefore I try to work as much as I can and come home earlier than scheduled. I can't promise that I'll succeed but I'll try. Don't tell the kids. If I can't make it, they aren't disappointed. Tell the kids I said hi and that I miss them. Good night. I love you."_

She smiled at his words. She could imagine him sitting on the bed in only his sweats and talking to her on the phone. She was astonished how much she got accustomed to his presence in her life. They got back from the Med six months ago and she was back together with him for about four months now. And after moving in with him a month ago they only have been separated during their working hours. And even then she saw him here and there for some minutes. But now to be separated for almost 24 hours without looking at him or touching him was new to her. She missed him immensely. Never has she imagined to love a normal family life. She always thought that she get bored or that she missed going out or be independent but she was wrong. The last month showed her that she was a natural with kids and solving their problems. And the kids upstairs were angels in comparison to other kids from their classes. The two were well-bred and she was deeply grateful that these two welcomed her into their family with open arms.

She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and some seconds later a sleepy looking Sam walked into the kitchen.

„Good morning." Sasha said to him.

Sam walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her torso. "Good morning" he replied sleepily.

„Slept well?" She asked him while she held him tight and kissed him on the head.

„Hmmm. Your bed is so much better than mine." He stated. „Have you heard something from dad?"

„He called late last night not thinking about the time difference. He said that he loves you and misses you already."

„I miss him too."

"What do you want for breakfast?" Sasha asked although she knew his answer to that.

"Pancakes" he replied instantly.

"Okay, pancakes that is." She said and more hesitantly "Would you like to help me?"

"Yeah, I'd love to help." He replied and rolled up his sleeves. They made the dough in silence and when she began to make them Sam sat at the counter and observed her. She felt his eyes on her and couldn't resist to ask "What is it?"

"Nothing." he replied nonchalantly.

"Oh, Sam Chandler, I know your nothing. It's the same nothing your father uses. So spit it out."

"I'm just … I'm just really happy that you are here with us. That's all." He said a little ashamed. "And you remind me of my mommy." He whispered.

"Your mom? Why?"

"Well, she used to make breakfast for us and I always was allowed to help her doing it. And then I watched her finishing the pancakes."

Sasha finished the last pancake and took the plates to the table. "You miss your mommy a lot, right?"

"Yes, I do. But sometimes I don't think about her and then when I realize it, it makes me feel guilty."

"You don't have to feel guilty. I know it is hard but you have to let it go. It is called moving on. You can't always live in the past and thinking of what ifs. It isn't healthy. When my husband died I thought the world would crash and that I won't be able to be happy again. But then I had to let go of him some day and went on with my life as good as I could do. And in the progress of letting got, I've met your dad again and can live the life I always wanted to live in the first place. And I do think that your mom would love to see you happy. So what I try to say is, you shouldn't feel guilty of not thinking of her. Live your life and remember the good times with your mommy. And I know for sure that she is always be there for you because she is still in your heart and you can feel her when you need her." She said sincerely and put her hand on his chest just on the spot where his heart was.

Sam nodded "Yes, sometimes I think that she is around me and holds my hand when I'm afraid in the darkness."

"See, I do believe that she watches over you and your sister and your dad too."

"Thank you, Sasha." He said and hugged her very tight. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I'm happy to help and that I can be with you all, that you let me in into your little family."

After Sam finished his sixth pancake he asked hesitantly "Sashaaaaa?"

"Mmmhmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course. You can always ask me."

"Do you love my dad?"

She looked at him with concern. "Yes, of course. I love him very much. Why do you ask?"

"Ah nothing, just checking." And after a minute "Will you marry him when he asks you?"

Sasha couldn't believe what she just heard. Marrying Tom Chandler? "Uhm." She stumbled "I would love to marry him someday. But this is sooooo much into the future. What's on your mind, Sam?"

"Well, my mommy is dead and you are here with us. So when you marry my dad, can I call you mom?" he paused and then continued "You know, you are doing all the stuff my mommy has done and all of my classmates have their mommy and are calling her so. And I don't have someone to call mommy. And I thought, that if you marry my dad, you can be my mom and I'm not the only one who hasn't a mom. So is it okay with you when I do it?"

"Oh Sam, I don't know what to say." Sasha said overwhelmed. "I don't want you to think you have to do it. It's absolutely okay for me when you call me Sasha. But if you are happy to call me mom then I'm honored to be called this. Thank you." She said sincerely and hugged him tight again.

"When do you marry my dad?"

"Uhm, Sam, I said before this is too much in the future. I don't know if we ever get married." She saw his disappointment. "Why do you ask always about this? Has your dad said something about marriage?"

Sam looked horrified. He hadn't thought about their conversation some weeks ago in the attic and the beautiful ring his dad had bought so many years ago. So he said immensely "No, no he hasn't." He hoped he convinced her. Luckily he was rescued by his sister who was walking into the kitchen.

"Morning all." she said and sat down at the table. "Have you eaten all the pancakes, Sam?"

"Nooooo, I wouldn't do that." He answered innocently.


	43. Chapter 43

Sorry, it took me so long to come up with a next chapter. I don't have that much time to write any more. But I will continue this story. This chapter is **rated M** for the obvious reasons.

* * *

 **Chapter 43**

" **Homecoming"**

Sasha just shed her clothes and was about to step into the bathtub when Pepper began to act fretful. He perked up his ears and run out of the room barking as if his life depend on it. Sasha's heart began to race " _Someone is downstairs._ " she thought. She put back her jeans and sweater on and walked into her bedroom looking for her gun. After searching the area with her eyes she remembered that she left her gun at work. Cursing for her witlessness she rushed out of the room towards the stairs.

The first thing she recognized were the low barks of Pepper and when she reached the stairs she heard "Hush" and her heart skipped a beat. That voice. She knew that voice. When she reached the middle of the stairs she saw Pepper waggle his tail and a man stroking the dog.

"Hey, buddy. It's okay, it's only me. You're protecting the house? Good boy." When he saw a shadow at the stairs he looked up at the woman who held his heart. A big smile broke out on Tom's face and he let go of the dog and went straight to the stairs. "Hey, babe." He wrapped his arms around her and hold her tight "God, I've missed you so much." He said in the crock of her neck.

When Sasha felt his breath on her skin she came out of her trance and hold onto him. "I've missed you, too." She managed to say. And then let out a deep breath. "You scared me." she whispered.

"What?" he looked at her in shock.

"I thought you would be burglar and you are very lucky that I've left my gun at work. Otherwise… " she trailed off.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Sash. I didn't say anything to you because I didn't know if I could make it tonight. So I thought I could surprise you and the kids." He said earnestly.

"It is a wonderful idea and I'm really happy that you're home. But when Pepper went downstairs barking like he did I thought something will happen." She said with a smile on her face and touched his cheek gently.

Tom wrapped his arms around her and whispered into her hair "Nothing will ever happen to you or the kids, Sasha, as long as I live. I won't let this happen." He looked into her eyes and after some seconds he bend his head and captured her lips. First it was only a tender kiss but then he deepened it and Sasha let out a soft moan. His hands roamed over her back and when they broke the kiss he stated "You don't wear a bra."

She looked at him with a mischievous smile on her lips "I wanted to step into the bathtub when I heard you downstairs. So …. " she trailed off and one of her fingers trailed over his chest intentions clear to him.

He smiled at her "Bathing sounds pretty good." And he grabbed her into his arms and carried her upstairs. Sasha wrapped her legs around his waist and let out a giggle before she captured his lips with hers.

He was out of his clothes at record time and sat down in the bathtub watching Sasha stripping in front of him never leaving his eyes. "God, Sash, do you know how beautiful you are?" he asked when he ogled her up. She smiled at him and stepped into the tub between his legs.

Her back was against his chest and he hold her tight to his body. After some time only enjoying the feeling to hold the other Tom took the sponge and washed her back. When he finished his task his hands went to the front of her. He rubbed them over her collarbone and then gliding them down to her breast. When he reached his goal they both let out a moan and he squeezed her breast. One hand stayed at her breast while the other traveled down to her belly button and then further on to her center. When he reached her sweet spot she let out a moan and parted her legs a little more. Tom touched her gently "God, how I've missed you." Sasha whispered and moved her hips into his caress while he kissed her neck as he continued to stroke her spot and breast.

"I've missed you too." He whispered in her ear. "And I've missed doing this to you." He stroked her with a little more pressure and he felt her tense and trembling and then she came with such a force that she pressed her tights together while she rocked on his fingers and then cried out his name.

Sasha's head fell back on his shoulder while she came down from her high. After some seconds she turned around and kissed him. While distracting him with the kiss her hand went between their bodies and she grabbed his hardness into her palm causing him to moan into the kiss. She started stroking him up and down and she could feel him getting thicker second for second and just before he came she removed her hand and straddled him and took him into her. The moment he felt his cock glide into her wetness he was sure he would die. He couldn't hold back too long but he thrust into her with such a force that he hit Sasha's G-spot right away. While he thrust up with the same force as before she rocked her hips downwards and with three more thrusts Sasha came again and took Tom with her over the edge.

He leaned his forehead against hers and looked her in the eyes. "I love you."

Her response came instantly back "I love you too. But this position is killing me."

With a chuckle he tried to stand up and taking her with him. Looking at the floor he said "I think we splashed some water out of the tub."

"Some?" Sasha asked.

After drying each other and wrapping their bodies into their towels they dried the floor and went to their bedroom. Sasha walked to the bed and shed her towel before sitting down at the edge. Tom had a full view of her naked body and let out a moan. Tom's towel fell easily to the floor and with fast steps he was on his knees in front of her. His hands glided up her shin to her knee while he spread her tights a little further away.

„You just took a bath and you're looking to get sweaty again" she teased him.

He smirked and didn't answer while he listened as her breathing hitched slightly in her throat when his mouth darted forward and made its journey upwards. When he reached his goal his tongue licked over her folds tasting her. All coherent thoughts left Sasha's mind when he pleasured her with his tongue. Her upper body fell on the bed giving him better access while her hands went through his hair holding him in place.

After some minutes pleasuring her with his tongue and mouth he looked up at her. When she noticed his pause she pushed herself more onto the bed and up to the pillows while he followed her. She hit her pillow with her head and welcomed Tom in her arms feeling his hardness pressing at her leg. Sasha pulled him towards her and with a gentle thrust he was inside her again. This time he took his time. Kissing her deeply while thrusting into her with slow motions. He trailed his mouth down to her neck and further down over her collarbone to her left breast. Sasha let out a soft moan arching her back and lifting her breast into his kiss. Her hands rifled through his hair and down to his shoulders. She held on to his biceps when his thrusts got faster. One of her hands went to his chest and pinched his nipple. Tom let out a moan and thrust harder into her. She continued her torture until he grabbed her wrists and pinned them down over her head on the mattress. She let out a frustrated moan and pouted her lips. But she came up with another plan to pleasure him while he thrust into her. Sasha pulled up her head a little bit and licked her tongue over his nipple. The instant he felt her tongue gliding over his nipple he thrust deeper and faster into her. They pleasured each other for some minutes and Tom let go of one of her wrist while his hand glided down to her sweet spot. He was at the edge of climaxing and hoped he could take Sasha with him. They both came simultaneously shouting out the name of the other. When he emptied himself into her he let go of her wrists and leaned his head down on her breast. Sasha's hands went to his back and she stroked his back up and down. When their breaths calmed down he slipped out of her onto his side and took her into his arms.

* * *

Tom woke up slowly. He turned to his left side and saw Sasha sleeping soundly. _"God, how I love this woman._ " He thought. His eyes roamed over her face down to her collarbone. He slid down the blanket with his fingers and revealed her perfectly formed breast. His index finger trailed over her nipples and he made some circles around them when he felt them go hard. He smiled at her reaction to his pleasure. And then continued his journey down to her stomach and then further down to her wonderful center. He trailed his fingers a little bit further and he could feel her heat coming from it. Tom moaned silently and then he became aware that his member rose to full glory. He couldn't resist any more. Even when he knew she was still asleep he had to have her again and right now. So he bend his head and kissed her on his lips. Then he trailed his mouth down on to her neck and sucked in her flesh. Sasha stirred a little bit but didn't wake up. He chuckled a little because she was such a deep sleeper when at home. He moved from his side and positioned himself between her legs. His mouth trailed towards her collarbone and he kissed and sucked his way down to her breasts. He took one of her nipples in and began to suck at it. This brought Sasha to wake up "Fuck, Tom." she cried out.

"Later, I'm not finished here." He let out while still sucking at her breast. He let go of her left breast and moved on to her right to give it the same treatment like the other. Sasha's breath changed a little bit and she hold on to his shoulders. When her other nipple stood up he kissed his way to her belly button and circled around it with his tongue. And then he trailed kisses all the way down to her hips. His breath teased her a little bit and she pushed her hips towards his mouth. He grinned at her eagerness and looked at her. He wanted to slow down and tease her more but the pleading in her eyes went straight to his heart and he bent his head and licked her clit. Sasha couldn't hold back her moan any more. She loved to be pleasured this way and Tom was one of the best in that category. She remembered that he showed her all those years ago what a man can do only with his tongue and mouth and ever since she loved it. All the men after him couldn't reach the perfectionism Tom had in that department. He was a genius in every way when it came to pleasuring her. But this time she wanted to feel him inside her so she tugged at his shoulders and pleaded "Please, I need you inside me."

Tom broke his movement and looked at her again. "You sure?" And when she nodded her head he crawled up her body and kissed her longingly letting her taste herself. His tip slit to her wet center and he let out a moan when he felt her wet slick. He couldn't hold back any more so with one soft swift he entered her and began to move. She let out moans of pleasure while arching her back off the bed. A few seconds later, she heard Sam knocking on their locked bedroom door asking if she was alright. Tom grinned into the crook of Sasha's neck and she felt her face flush.

"Everything is okay, Sam" Sasha managed to call out sounding breathless and biting down on her bottom lip as Tom pushed himself up on his knees and gripping her hips just in the right angle she needed. He began to thrust harder.

"M'kay." Sam replied. "Do you come downstairs to make breakfast?"

"I'm coming." Sasha told him.

"Not yet." Tom said to her with a smirk on his face. "But I promise you will." He gripped her hips and created a hard and fast rhythm pushing them both towards their release. They came together in such an intense rush that he could see stars forming before his eyes. He couldn't hold himself up any more and let his body crash onto hers. When he could catch his breath he slipped out of her and onto his side. "Sash..." he began but was silenced with her kiss.

"You think Sam knows what we have done?" She asked him.

"I don't know. Hope not, but let's find out" He replied and stood up to get dressed.

* * *

After a quick shower they went downstairs and when Sam spotted his father he jumped up from the sofa and ran towards him. "Dad! You're home." he cried out and jumped up into Tom's arms.

"Hey Sammy, seems you missed me." Tom remarked.

"Yeah, I did a lot. I was so worried about you." He said while looking into his father's eyes. His arms still locked behind Tom's neck. "Thank you for coming home."

Tom was perplexed but recovered quickly. "Anytime, Sam. I missed you too, you know?" Sam's response was hugging his father with such a force that Tom wasn't able to breath regularly. "Hey, buddy." He choked "Easy boy." and came out of his son's grab.

"Sorry." Sam mumbled.

Sasha watched the scene in front of her and thought for the second time that she had to talk to Tom about professional help for the kids and maybe for Tom too.

"So what do you think about making pancakes for the three of you?" Tom asked his son who was still in his arms.

"That's sounds pretty good. I'm starving." Sam replied and grinned at his father.

"I doubt that." Tom said. "Wanna help me?"

"You bet."


	44. Chapter 44

So again, a little M-rated at the beginning.

* * *

 **Chapter 44**

" **Coming home early"**

Tom was home from his trip to San Diego about a week. He finished some papers before heading home. He wasn't looking forward to the event he had to attend in the evening. There was a school event at Ashley's and Sam's school with a school play and dance afterwards. He wanted to skip this altogether but Ashley made clear that he had to attend otherwise it would be a social disaster for her. He sighed again. Why didn't his daughter or Sasha see that it was a disaster for him? He recognized some time ago that there were a lot of women dancing and acting weird around him. He wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what they wanted from him: Getting into his pants. They always throw themselves at him smiling and laughing in a high tone neither he's made a bad joke or a good one. It annoyed him so much. Even when Sasha was around they were hitting on him. He had the feeling that this evening was going to be awful. The only thing he was looking forward to was the school play where Sam and Ashley had some roles. They both practiced with Sasha when he was away. He sighed again but then he thought about the beautiful woman waiting at home and his imagination got ahead of him.

"Hey, you're home early." Sasha greeted Tom at the door while continuing her walk to the kitchen.

"Yeah, I didn't want to start another paper and then get caught by it." He said and slung his arms around her waist from behind. "So I thought I come home earlier than normal and perhaps can persuade my hot hot girlfriend into some hot and dirty actions." He said with a mischievous smile on his face. Tom let his hands roam up her body till he reached her breast. Sasha was leaning against him and let out a soft moan when she felt his hands on her.

"As tempting as it is, we don't have time for this." She argued.

"And why not?" He asked while he nuzzled her throat.

"Because … because… " his hands and mouth distracted her immense so that she couldn't think straight. "The kids will come home in half an hour and we have to go to school … and..." She trailed off.

"And?" He asked again while his hands had made their exploration under her shirt and he was caressing her breast skin to skin. Tom pressed his hardness against her butt and he felt her giving up. He had to smile a little bit. "I want you, Sasha. This is all I'm thinking about the whole day. Coming home to you and taking you right here and now in the kitchen. So have I mention that you're hot and beautiful and hot?" Her only answer was a moan while she turned in his arms and grabbed his belt.

"You better be good. Kids are coming in twenty minutes." She said and crashed her lips to his. Tom didn't waist any time and grabbed her into his arms and put her up on the counter. He lifted her shirt and took of her bra while she unbuttoned his shirt and get rid of it. When both their chest were naked she sucked at his throat and he was unbuttoning her jeans. She pushed herself a little bit up so that he could undress her further. When her jeans and panties hit the floor, Tom knelt down in front of her, spread her legs apart and dive for the prize. Sasha felt his lips and mouth on her immediately and moved forward to the edge to give him better access.

"God, Tom this feels so good." She moaned while he pleasured her. Tom looked up at her and couldn't hold back a grin. "Fuck me." She demanded.

He stood and his trousers and boxers fell to the floor immediately. "Whatever my lady desires." He said and grabbed her hips. With one swift movement he was inside her and he led out a loud moan. "God, Sasha, you feel so incredible good." They kissed passionately and he began to move faster and faster. Sasha hold on his butt and pushed him towards her center. With each thrust it got wilder and wilder and Sasha was now biting his collarbone and sucking at his throat. Their moans were loud and he rammed deep into her.

"Come for me, baby." He pleaded with her.

"So close…." was her response.

Tom reached between them and flicked his thumb against her clit. She let out a cry of pleasure and shattered into million of peaces. With two deep and hard thrusts he exploded deep inside her and saw stars. Fearing to loose his ground he held onto her as if his life depend on it. His head rested on her shoulder and both tried to catch their breaths.

After a while Sasha asked "Can you come home earlier more often?"

He chuckled "I'll try" and kissed her naked shoulder. "Hmmm, you taste good."

Sasha giggled "You don't have enough of me?"

"Never" came his immediate answer.

"Well, in that case" Sasha trailed off and roamed her hands over his chest "we should continue in the shower."

"I like your thinking" Tom replied and leaned down to take their discarded clothes off the floor. Clothes in one hand he took Sasha's hand with his other and led her to their bedroom. While locking the door behind him he led the clothes fall to the floor and pressed her back at the door. Leaning down he captured her lips and kissed her hungrily. Her hand slipped between their bodies and she took his length into her hand and began to stroke him gently. Tom led out a soft moan and when he felt himself getting hard again in her hand he lifted one of her legs up to his waist and thrust into her again. Sasha hold on to his shoulders and he lifted her up into his arms. Still deep inside of her he carried her to their bed and made love to her.

Afterwards they were lying beside each other and Tom caressed her back while stroking his fingers up and down her spine. "You know, I like the idea of coming home early." he said in a low voice.

"I like it too." She replied softly.

"I wish we could stay right here and never have to leave the bed till morning." He mused. "Do we really have to go to this event later?" he asked.

"Yes, we have to, Tom" Sasha replied and pulled herself up into a sitting position. "The kids are really looking forward to this and they worked hard for the play."

"I know." he said and let out a little sigh. "I'm really looking forward to see them play but ..." he trailed off. Looking into her eyes he continued "I'm not looking forward to all those crazy women who won't leave me alone."

"Well, you should get used to it by now." She said looking down on her hand.

"Hey, look at me" he said to her and lifted her chin up with his index finger. "I won't get used to it and honestly I don't give a damn about them. I want you Sasha, not one of them. Because I love you, only you." He leaned forward and kissed her. After breaking the kiss Sasha still looked worried. "Hey, what is it?"

She shrugged her shoulders "I don't know. Sometimes I fear to wake up and realize that this " She pointed between her and his body "... that this is all a dream. And I would be devastated and never recover." she whispered.

"Sasha," Tom sighed "it isn't a dream. This, we are real and I won't let you go. Because I wouldn't survive another break up. I love you too much."

"I love you more." she replied with a smile on her face.

They kissed each other again and when it got heated they broke apart knowing they had to get ready. The kids were home for some time now and probably wondering why they were still in the bedroom.

"Let us take a quick shower and then we have to leave."

* * *

When the family of four reached the school, Ashley and Sam ran immediately to their friends. Tom looked the way Ashley went over and was surprised to see not only girls but boys too. His features drop immediately. Sasha was following his gaze and chuckled a little bit. "You haven't thought about her not dating boys, have you?"

"No" he grumbled "… well not at least she got twenty."

"Oh come on, Tom. You don't really think that, do you?" Sasha laughed at him.

He looked her in the eye and said "Well, I don't like to see my baby girl dating another boy. She is too young for this and I can still remember my time in school…" he trailed off.

"Exactly. And what did you do when you were her age?"

"Studying." He deadpanned back.

"Of course." She smacked his arm playfully. "Let's give her some space. And if you feel better, they are good kids." She tugged at his arm to go away.

"You know them?" He asked her.

"Yeah, some of them were at our house when you were in San Diego."

"And why is it, that you or Ash never mentioned it to me?"

"Oh, haven't thought you'd care." She said nonchalantly. "And we feared you would react the way you do now. She is your daughter and she will always be your daughter, Tom, but she has to make her own experience. We can guide her but most of the time she has to make her own decisions and learn from them. So let's enjoy our time here and don't grumble so much."

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

Sasha was standing at the buffet and watched Tom from a little distance. He was surrounded by now five woman. Among them was Deborah, but she could handle her. Then there was Doreen and another woman, who Sasha never met before. She was so in thoughts that Sasha hasn't seen the other woman coming towards her. When she felt an elbow in her ribs she looked aside and saw her standing next to her.

"I warn you." The woman said immediately after they looked at each other. "I watched you staring at Tom Chandler and even manage to sit beside him at the play. You don't have a chance. You hear me?" The woman pointed a finger at Sasha. "He is mine. And you aren't allowed to interfere. Am I clear?" Without waiting for an answer the woman walked away towards Tom with a wide smile on her face.

Sasha was watching the scene in front of her. She knew Tom was very handsome and she was lucky to call him her own but what she saw in the past thirty minutes and now this encounter with this crazy woman made her blood boil.

This new woman just laid her hand on his arm and was about to guide him towards an empty corner when Sasha had have enough. She strolled towards the crowd and came just in time to slip beside Tom's side. When Sasha looked up she saw this woman staring at her. Sasha immediately put her hand around Tom's waist and the woman in front of them stared at the couple with an open mouth. But after some seconds she recovered and glared at Sasha with an angry face. "I thought I have told you what to do." She said to Sasha and then turning to Tom with her best smile"Let's go to the table and we can speak without any interruption."

Tom looked at the two woman in front of him and knew that Nancy was in big trouble. " _Serves her right_." He thought. He looked at Sasha with relief in his eyes and put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. Nancy stared at them again. Speechless again.

"Hello, I'm Sasha, I think we haven't been introduced" Sasha smiled her "don't mess with me smile" towards this new woman.

The woman in question pursed her lips and wanted to ignore Sasha but Tom beat her "Oh darling, sorry, this is Nancy and this is Sasha, my girlfriend."

"Your … your..." Nancy stumbled.

"Yeah, you heard me, my girlfriend and would you excuse us, ladies, I think a dance is in order." Tom said and led Sasha towards the dance floor.

"But … but you said yourself that you don't dance." Nancy stumbled again.

Tom turned around to her and said "Yeah, that's right. I only dance with the woman I love, so excuse us." He then turned around and took Sasha's hand.

"Thank you for rescuing me." He said to Sasha while swaying to the music.

"You're welcome." She replied. "But it wasn't only for your sake. I don't like other women hitting on you."

He smiled at her "You're jealous?"

"No..., I mean...yeah kind of. I don't like it. And I don't know why they can't see it, that you belong to me and that you aren't interested in them?"

"I don't know either, babe." He grabbed her nearer to him and kissed her. When they broke the kiss he continued "Perhaps you should brand me like a farmer brand his kettle."

She chuckled a bit and looked at his throat. "Well, I did brand you but obviously it doesn't work."

"What do you mean?" He asked bewildered.

"Well, I remember that a very handsome and hot guy came home earlier and things got heated. And I might accidentally left a hickey at your throat."

"You did what?"

"Sorry. Blame the heat."


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

" **Norfolk I"**

Tom was sitting in his hotel room and stared at the sparkling object in his fingers. He asked himself for the umpteen times if he was doing the right thing. Does he really want to marry Sasha? And if so was he betraying Darien? Are the kids really okay with this situation? Why was he so nervous about it? Was he afraid to ask her? Hell yes, he was nervous because he didn't know what her answer would be.

Well, he knew that Darien wanted him to be happy again. They talked about it. Sasha makes him happy, so why was he feeling like cheating on Darien? It was ridiculous to think this. He and Sasha dated now for over ten months, living together for eight. He couldn't imagine a life without Sasha. But Darien didn't go out of his mind either. Sighing he came to the conclusion that he loved both women. But his love for Darien began fading away while his love for Sasha grow more and more.

What about his kids? Did they think he betrayed their mother and didn't think about her any more? He shook his head. He talked about his relationship with Sasha with his kids. They really liked her and welcomed her into the family with open arms. Sam idolizes Sasha and even Ashley didn't make a tantrum about a new woman in his life. Tom knew that Ash needs a female person to just talk to or to look up to. And wasn't it Ashley who told him to ask her to marry him?

He loved Sasha with all of what he had and he was so grateful to have her back in his life. Remembering the time when he saw her after all those years ago in Peng's mansion, she reentered his life like a hurricane and left him again upside down. He was so happy to see her again. And then he made the mistake and left the ship and left Sasha behind. When he came back he saw her with this Fletcher guy and it made his blood boil. He wasn't a jealous guy, not with Darien, but with Sasha? When it came to her and other men hitting on her he saw red. He never was able to see her with another man except him. She made him happy. So by marrying Sasha his dream would come true. She was and is the love of his life. He just hoped she feels the same about him and that she would say yes when he popped the question in a week from now on Assateague Island. He hasn't told her that they'll go to Assateague Island after they'll finish the visit to Annapolis. It was a surprise. Only the kids and Mike knew about his plan. He hoped so much that he would come home with his fiancè.

The ringing of his phone disturbed his thoughts. Without looking he snatched it open and said "What?"

"Bad timing?" Sasha asked. "I can call later, if you don't have time."

"No, no darling. Sorry. I was in thoughts and haven't looked who called." Tom told her.

„Rough day?"

„Yeah, the inspection isn't going as planned and..." he trailed off.

Sasha sensed that something bothered him and asked tentatively "And being in Norfolk isn't easy for you. I don't mean the base, but the town. Have you been to your home?"

"Not yet. I have some spare time tomorrow and want to go then. Well, if the inspection is getting better. But I was at Mike's..."

"Didn't go well?"

"No. No sign at all that someone is living there. I even found Mike's note for his family." He sighed. "I don't think that they are alive, Sasha. And it hurts. Knowing that my family survived except Darien. I feel really guilty."

"Don't be, Tom. Your family had luck and Mike's didn't. It isn't your fault."

"I know, but..." he sighed again and Sasha could tell that he hanged his head and felt guilty. He changed the subject by asking "How are the kids?"

Sasha got along and replied "They are good and miss you."

"I miss them, too. I miss all of you." He sighed again and shook his head. Why was he so sentimental? "Sash, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me but I miss you so much. I wish you were here." He stated and then heard a knock on his door. "Sweetheart, someone is at the door. Can I call you back?"

"Sure."

He finished the call while putting the ring in his bag and went to the door. When he opened it his jaw dropped and he was looking into bright blue eyes. Eyes were he could get lost in. "Sasha" he managed to say. "What...?"

"I knew you had a bad time here and I wanted to be at your side when you go to your house." She shrugged her shoulders. "Can I come in?"

He came out of his reverie and jumped into action. "Yes, yes of course" he said and opened the door wider for her. After stepping into the hotel room Sasha looked around and put her luggage down. She turned around to find Tom standing still at the door. She smiled at him and took his hand into hers. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He replied and then he shook his head "I can't believe you're here. Why is it that you always know what I need?"

"Well, I don't know exactly what you need but I know what I need." She smiled and came nearer to him and grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey" he whispered back and then their lips touched in a gentle way. What began as a sweet and loving kiss ended in a hungry kiss while their hands roamed over their bodies and they began to undress the other.

Afterwards they lay beside each other and enjoyed the moment to just lay there and be near each other.

"I'm so glad you came earlier than scheduled" Tom broke the silence. "Where are the kids?"

"At Mike's. Everything is okay with them" she reassured him.

"I know. But leaving them alone for more than two weeks is hard for me. And I do think they have some issues with me leaving them."

"Yeah, I noticed it too. Especially Sam is afraid to be separated from you. I do think that it would be good for them to go to a psychologist and get some help. They both went through so much, loosing their mother and granddad, their kidnapping and you hold hostage"

"I know. You're right. We should all go see someone. I think it will be good for all of us, even for you sweetheart. You went through some hard stuff too."

"I'll think about it. But right now..." she trailed off and ran her fingers over his chest "... I know exactly what I need just now."

"And what will that be?" he asked in a deep and sexy voice.

Her answer was straddling him and taking him inside of her.


	46. Chapter 46

**Sorry for not updating. This chapter is M-rated, so be warned.**

* * *

 **Chapter 46**

" **Norfolk II"**

They pulled up in the driveway of his old house. Sasha looked curious out of the window while Tom remained stoic in the drivers seat looking at the steering wheel. They sat in silence for a few minutes and when Sasha brushed her fingers against his on the steering wheel he startled a little bit.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." She said to him.

His gaze moved from the wheel towards her and he looked her in the eyes. "I know. It's just ..." he trailed off – again. Avoiding eye contact – again.

"Hey," she took his chin in her hands and forced him to look at her. "I know it is hard, but you – we have to do this. And you're not alone. So let's face our demons and get out of here."

"You're right – as always." He looked at her with so much love in his eyes that Sasha had to swallow her emotions.

"Where is a recording machine, when you need it?" She asked amused. "Tom Chandler admitting that I'm always right..." She laughed then and all he could do was laughing with her.

He leaned towards her and kissed her on the lips. "Thank you for distracting me."

"I don't know what you are talking about." She tried to answer innocently. But then couldn't hold back a smile seeing him leaning his head to the side and looking at her skeptical "I hope it worked."

"It did." He answered and gave her another kiss before he turned away and started to get out of the car. "Let's go."

They walked hand in hand towards the porch. He could see that the garden needed attention and that the weeds took over most of the part. He sighed and remembered the day when they made port after Baltimore. Looking towards the door he expected to see his father coming down the stairs talking to him. They talked that day about his mission and that he had to finish what he had begun. His father was right, but it hurt Tom to leave his kids alone again. At the end of the day he packed his things and went to the port and sailed away.

Sasha squeezed his hand and the memory vanished in front of his eyes. He looked at her again and was grateful to have her at his side. Tom took out the keys and went towards the door, unlocking it and entering his house which didn't feel like a home to him any more. Not after Darien passed away. With her the feeling of a home vanished and only emptyness took over the place. Looking around the place he stepped further into it.

Sasha followed him with curiosity. She has asked herself a lot of times how his house looked like. Looking at the room on the right she could see the living room. Its furniture has been covered with heavy blankets. There was a cabinet and a wooden table and she could really imagine how it must be filled with books and photos. She looked at the sofa and pulled back one of the blankets. A blue sofa appeared which wasn't Tom's style at all. " _This must be Darien's style._ " She thought. " _It's so not like Tom. The sofa at our house is more his style or isn't it? Or is it my style?_ " She wondered and apparently a line appeared between her brows because Tom's thumb stroked over it and took her back to reality. "Sorry, I was just lost in thought."

"It's okay. May I ask what you have been thinking about?"

"It's nothing. Just ..." she hesitated.

"Just, what?"

"This." She gestured around. "This isn't your style."

Tom chuckled a little "No it isn't. But I wasn't home that much in a year. So it didn't bother me." He shrugged his shoulders. "Come on." He took her hand and they made their way towards the back of the house to the kitchen and the family room. Entering the kitchen Tom looked around and got the feeling that something wasn't quite right but couldn't point the finger to it. " _Get a grip, Chandler. It's nothing. It has all to do with your memories of a life a long time ago_." He thought.

After some minutes looking around he stated "Let's go upstairs," and led the way. Getting to the first floor he checked the empty rooms of his kids. After coming back to St. Louis and buying the house he asked his kids about their bedroom furniture here in Norfolk. To his surprise both of them wanted to have shipped their furniture and wanted only a few new items for their rooms.

Then they continued to the master bedroom. Tom pushed the door open and looked at the right wall, as he always did when entering their room. But instead of pictures greeting him, the wall was absolutely blank. Stepping in Sasha immediately noticed that the bed still filled the room. It was a nice looking bed with posts on all four corners. She felt a little jealous looking at the bed and imagining Tom and Darien in there. They made love in it, even conceived their children in it. What was wrong with her? Why was she jealous about a woman who was dead for some years?

His hand on hers took her out of her thoughts. He looked at her and immediately knew what she was thinking. "Hey," he took her face into his hands. "I love you, Sasha. Only you."

"I know that."

"Then why are you torturing yourself?" he asked her while looking deeply into her eyes. "Darien will always be on my mind and in my heart. Just like you were when we were separated. She is the mother of my children, Sasha. I can't undo that."

"God, Tom, I know." She answered and stepped out of his embrace. "Do you really think that I want you to forget your wife? The mother of your children?"

"No, of course not. But..."

"But what?" She spat out.

He sighed again and came closer to her "Sasha," he said tentatively "I … Love… You. And nothing else or someone else is ever coming between us. You are stuck with me. So stop torturing yourself by thinking about Darien. She is a part of me, yes, but you are the one I'm in love with." He took the last step towards her and captured her lips and when he felt her slipping away, his arms slung around her body and pressed her to his frame. After some seconds he felt her loosing up some tension and she slipped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. His tongue darted forward and Sasha let out a soft moan. The noise she made was his undoing. He tugged at her coat and it fell on the floor with a loud thud. One of his hands drifted from her back to her breast and kneaded them through the thin blouse. Instead of a soft moan she let out a loud one which drove him crazy. Her hands went down his spine and when she reached his ass she grabbed him and pulled him even nearer. She could feel his erection on her tight and then everything happened too fast for her to register what was happening. Her hands flew to the front of his pants and worked on his belt, zipper and button while his hands worked on her clothes. He managed to unbutton her blouse and jeans in the time she managed to get rid of his trousers. When he stepped out of his pants he lifted her into his arms and went to the bed behind him. He was able to put away the comforter with one hand and then with a thud he laid her down onto the bed. Kissing her breast through her bra he went down her body and tucked her pants and panties off of her. His mouth started its way up from her ankles towards her center and after some seconds he reached his goal and tasted her. Sasha let out a moan when she felt him on her. It felt so good but at the same time she felt like betraying Darien. It felt like she was stealing Tom from her. It was after all their bed and home but when Tom's fingers brushed over her folds all her thoughts went out of her brain. His fingers curled up inside her and began to create a perfect rhythm while his mouth sucked at her clit. He pleasured her for some minutes and then she exploded around his fingers and shouting his name into the empty house. With a wicked smile on his face he freed his cock from his briefs and spread her legs wider apart. With one swift thrust he was inside of her and her still fluttering walls clamped around his cock. He took her with fast and deep thrusts. And after some time he shifted her legs and hit the right spot inside her and she shattered again into million pieces. Tom increased his pace again and with three deep and hard thrusts he stiffened and emptied himself inside her while shouting her name. After riding their orgasms out he laid his head against her breasts and tried to catch his breath. Her hands went into his hair and she massaged his scalp. He kissed her skin and whispered "I love you so much."

Sasha took his head into hers and made him look up into his eyes. "I love you too, Tom Chandler."

After coming down from their highs they got up from the bed and get dressed without a word being said. When they both were dressed they looked at each other and he saw her over thinking what they just did. Tom walked towards her and took her into his arms again. "Sasha, Darien is dead and we haven't betrayed her by sleeping together in this bed."

"But why do I feel guilty then?" She asked "It's like I'm stealing you and taking you away from her."

He couldn't believe what she was saying. Who was this wonderful woman in front of him? Thinking about the feelings of his dead wife and feeling guilty for loving him. He shook his head slightly and stepped towards her "Sasha, you don't take me away from anyone. I want to be with you, only you. As much as it hurts but Darien is dead and I don't want to live in the past. I want to move on and you have been always on my mind since the day I met you. You make me happy, Sasha and I do know that Darien would want me to be happy. And making love to you in this bed," he paused and nodded towards the rumbled bedsheets "made me very happy. But believe me, our relationship isn't all about sex. I really do love you and I'm so glad you're here at my side. The sex is just a bonus."

Sasha chuckled and smacked him at his arm "It's just a bonus?" She asked him while rising an eyebrow.

Seeing her like this he reconsidered his statement and grinned at her "Well, not only just a bonus, it is the first prize."


	47. Chapter 47

**This chapter is again M-rated. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 **Chapter 47**

" **Chincoteague Island II** **"**

"So, were are we going?" Sasha asked.

"It's a surprise, Sasha." He sighed. "So telling you where we're going isn't an option, otherwise it wouldn't be a surprise, love." He said and looked at her for a brief moment. He took her hand in his and kissed it. Releasing her hand again he concentrated on the traffic around them.

Sasha sighed frustrated and curled up her legs on the passenger's side. She looked at him and knew his expression. It meant that he wouldn't say anything further and when she continued to push he would shut down completely and say nothing at all. She sighed again and looked out of the window. They left Annapolis half an hour ago and she thought they would drive to the airport in Baltimore but he chose another direction. So her thoughts went to Philadelphia but then he turned onto another highway taking them east. She frowned. " _East? What on earth is east of Annapolis_?" And then a memory hit her hard. A memory of seventeen years ago when they took the same route to Chincoteague Island. It was a wonderful weekend up there where they could just be themselves and didn't have to fear to get caught from one of the students or superior officers. She closed her eyes and remembered their stay in this little bed and breakfast. The landlady was such a nice person and she'd wanted to talk to them but Tom had other plans for them than staying and making small talk. Sasha remembered being pinned to the bed most of the time. She smiled at the memory. Perhaps we can repeat some of the things we did then. While reminiscing she drifted off to sleep.

Tom sensed that she had fallen to sleep and grinned to himself. He hoped that she hasn't figured out where they were going. So a sleeping Sasha beside him was a good thing. When he parked the car in front of the pension after a two hour drive, Sasha was still sleeping and he looked at her. A strand of hair fell onto her forehead and he pushed it behind her ear. Her features were soft and it seemed she was smiling in her sleep. He leaned forward and kissed her tentatively onto her lips to wake her up. He repeated his actions for some more feathered kisses and when she opened her eyes she looked at him with so much love in it, that he had to swallow his lump in his throat. In that moment he had to withhold himself to not pop the question.

"Hey," she whispered and stroke her fingers over his cheek. "This is a wonderful feeling waking up to your handsome face."

"I'm glad to hear." He gave her another kiss and when her hand came around to his neck she deepened it. His hand traveled up to her breast and stroke over her hardening nipple. Sasha let out a whimper and he leaned more towards her and pressed his body as much as he could into hers. Breaking the kiss for much needed air she combed her fingers through his hair and she whispered "I think we should stop here before we can't."

"Yes, you're right. And by the way we've reached our destination."

Sasha released her grip on his neck and turned her head to look around. They stood in front of a green house with white windows and a tea room on the left. It was the same B&B they stayed in all those years ago. She turned her head towards his and locked eyes with him.

"Tom, this … this is the same place we stayed all those years ago." She stated.

"Yes, it is."

"But why? Why are we here?"

"Well, I thought you would join me some days later than you actually did and I wanted to spend some alone time with you."

"But what about the kids?"

"They are fine. I talked about this and they encouraged me to take you down here. Actually it was their idea. They found the shell and I told them about our time here – of course only the kids appropriated version – and they came up with the idea some time ago. So I asked Mike to watch them and here we are." He said and gave her a peck on her lips.

"Remind me to thank them later." She kissed him again. "Do you think the landlady is still alive and running this business?"

"I don't know. But how about we find out?" He asked and stepped out of the car.

"I can't believe it. This is the same room we had all those years ago." Sasha laughed while stepping into the room under the roof. She turned to him with a huge smile on her face and slung her arms around his neck and gave him a loving kiss.

"Well, if it is the same room, we should see by ourselves if the bed is still the same." Tom said mischievously and began to undress her.

"Tom," Sasha shrieked. "You can only think about one thing."

"Sorry, love, but you are intoxicating." His lips crashed down on her again and when he kissed along her jaw towards her soft spot behind her ear she was putty in his hands. Clothes were flying to the ground and they made their way to the bed in record time. Like seventeen years ago Tom pinned her to the mattress the whole night and when she woke up in the morning her body arched in all the right places. She climbed out of the bed and went into the adjoint bathroom. Sasha has woken up to him many times by now but waking up to him in this place made her grin even more. She felt happy and for the first time she felt that fate really tried to give them back some time. She hoped to find Tom still sleeping but stepping out of the room she locked eyes with him.

"Good morning beautiful." He rasped.

"Morning handsome. I hoped to find you still sleeping." She said and crawled back onto the bed.

"I can't sleep without you by my side." He stated and grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her gently. "Hmm, I'm hungry."

"Then we should get up." Sasha said and was pulling away from him. But Tom hold on to her and pulled her towards his body.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked.

"You said yourself you're hungry. So we should go down to get some breakfast."

"And why on earth do you think I'm hungry for toast and coffee?" He asked and when he saw her confused expression he trailed his hand down her neck towards her breast. He caressed her breast and stroked over her hardening nipple. Sasha let out a soft moan and he smirked continuing his ministrations. When her nipple was hard like a peak he continued his journey over her stomach and then his fingers stroke over her center. She whimpered again and shifted her body towards his. While his fingers teased her she got rid of the sheet separating their bodies and she took his length into her hand and began to stroke him. Tom let out a moan and when her grip tightened around him he pushed two fingers inside her without warning. Sasha cried out at the feeling of his fingers inside her and she pumped him faster.

"Sash," he pleaded "stop otherwise I won't last long."

She looked at him with a devilish grin on her face and lowered her head to take him into her mouth. "Sash, don't." But she ignored his pleading and continued her ministration. "Oh god, Sasha." He cried out and his hand went to the back of her head. He wasn't sure if he should push her away from him or if he should pull her towards him. But when she hummed a little the vibrations sent a jolt of desire through his body and the decision was made. His hand tightened around her head and pulled her towards him while the other hand grabbed the sheets to hold onto the now and here. Sasha stabilized herself onto one hand while the other stroke over his nipple and pinching it from time to time while her mouth worked on his hard cock. His breathing became louder and she knew he was close to the edge. Her hand came back to his cock and while she stroke him her mouth tightened around the head of his cock. She felt him getting bigger than he was before and with two more strokes and sucking he came hard in her mouth. She looked up at him and smiled to herself. Tom laid completely sated in front of her, his features began to soften and he relaxed more and more. His breathing became more steadier and he panted "God, Sasha, what are you doing to me? This … you are so amazing."

He leaned towards her and kissed her gently, tasting himself on her tongue. With one swift move he rolled her over and kissed down her chest, spending some time kissing and sucking at her breasts. At some point he trailed kisses along her stomach and without any foreplay he captured her clit and began to suck. Pushing first two fingers inside her he sucked still at her clit and after some minutes he pushed his third finger inside of her. Sasha moaned and pushed her hips towards his face. He withdraw his fingers and replaced them with his tongue. While he tongued her she created a rhythm with her hips meeting him thrust for thrust. Looking up from his spot between her tights he could tell that she was at the edge and he changed his position again. Retrieving his tongue he sucked at her clit again and his fingers went back inside of her. He curled them up and hit the right spot. She exploded around his fingers and her tensed body began to relax. But Tom didn't give her time to come down from her climax. His cock was hard again and he pushed her legs wider apart and plunged into her. "Oh, god, Tom." She cried out as he filled her. Sasha's walls still contracted and he created a hard rhythm. His hands grabbed her hip and the room was filled with moans, cries and the slapping of skin to skin while he took her hard. Feeling his release come his thumb stroke over her clit while the other hand went behind her knee deepening the bend of her leg and adjusting the angle of his thrusts. She cried out and shattered into million of pieces again. Thrusting into her once more he came hard inside her and collapsed on top of her.

* * *

Coming down from their room they entered the breakfast room and were greeted by their landlady. It turned out that it was the daughter of the former landlady who was still living in the house. They took their places and after enjoying a wonderful breakfast the former landlady stepped into the room. She spotted them immediately and came over "Well, well, if this isn't the lovely couple which spent a weekend here a long time ago." She said and leaned onto her stick. "It is so good to see you two still together."

Both Sasha and Tom grinned at her and helped her to sit down. "It is good to see you, too." Tom said politely.

"There has to be more than a virus to kill me off." She grinned at them. "But I'm really thankful you brought home the cure." She said to Tom and squeezed his hand.

Tom squinch up his face a little bit and tried to play his role down "I just drove the ship."

"Ah no, I can't believe this." She laughed a little bit and could tell that this topic wasn't comfortable for him "Anyway, you're back here with this beautiful lady."

"Yeah, just for this weekend." Tom replied and caught a glimpse of the other landlady who gestured him to come to her. He excused himself and got down the hall. Sasha frowned a little but was distract by the conversation with the former landlady.

After some minutes Tom came back to their table and Sasha raised her head towards him, asking him with this gesture what was going on, but Tom only shook his head and grinned at her.

"Oh I know this grin of yours." Sasha commented.

"I don't know what you are talking about." He replied and sat down again.

"So…." Sasha trailed off after some time. "You wanna enlighten me why you disappeared?"

"I didn't. I came back to you, didn't I?" He teased her.

Sasha pouted a little and she stared at him with her "don't mess with me" stare.

"If I wouldn't know better, I would think you are jealous." Tom replied.

"I'm not jealous." She countered. "I'm curious."

"Oh that's what it's called now?" He chuckled. "Before you got even more jealous, I'll tell you the truth." He hold up his hands and surrendered "I have planned something for us and the landlady helped me. So if you have finished your temper tantrum then we can enjoy our day at the ocean."


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

" **The proposal** **"**

They parked the car at some point and went to the beach. Each one of them had a blanket tugged under the arm and Tom carried a basket full of sandwiches, cookies and drinks. The landlady did a wonderful job with the basket.

"I can't believe you thought about a picnic out here." Sasha said after they put the things down on the sand. She turned around and tugged her arms around his neck to press a kiss on his lips.

"Mmmhhmm, I like to please." He answered. But then his arms snugged around her waist and he deepened the kiss.

"So you think the water is warm to bath in?" Sasha asked and pointed out at the ocean behind them.

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, love, but how about we find out?" He grinned at her. Sasha nodded her head and began to peel off her clothes. Standing in her bikini she looked around the place.

"You coming?" She asked Tom who still had his clothes on.

"You can go first, I'm right behind you, love" He replied and began to strip. Sasha nodded her head and went to the shore. It was a warm and sunny day and she assumed that the water was still warm. She increased her speed and jumped into the water. With a loud "WHAT THE F…!" she coursed when she got to the surface. She looked at Tom who couldn't hold back his laughter. "What's so funny?" She asked him while running out of the water and grabbing a blanket to dry off the cold water.

"Oh, you should have seen your face, darling." Tom managed to say between his laughter. "You really thought the water is still warm at the time of the year?" He grinned at her, wiping some tears away from his eyes.

Sasha looked at him in disbelief. She was fuming that he set her up and never told her that the ocean would be so cold at that time. And she couldn't believe that she didn't think about it herself. It WAS after all a sunny and warm day. "Oh, you ..." She couldn't finish her sentence because Tom went to her and wrapped his arms around her shaking torso.

"Come here." He said gently. "I'm sorry, Sash, but I hadn't enough courage in me to disappoint you by saying that the water might be a little too cold to swim in. It's the Atlantic and not the Caribbean, love." He rubbed his hands over her figure to get her warm. When he still saw her angry face he continued "I'll make it up to you, promise."

"I do hope so, Tom Chandler." She replied and laid her head against his shoulder and relaxed into his embrace.

After some time he let off of her and looked at her "Still cold, love?" She shook her head no and grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head. When the fabric covered her torso she loosened the ends of her bikini at her head, took the top off and sneaked it out at the end of her shirt. Tom watched her actions and when he saw her removing her top from under her shirt he let out a little moan. Sasha looked at him with a questioning brow.

"That's teasing, Sasha."

"I don't know what you are talking about." She replied with a mischievous grin on her face. Then her eyes wandered from his eyes down to his legs and she saw his prominent bulge. "Oh I think someone is happy to see me."

"You have no idea." He said and took her into his arms again and kissed her passionately. His hands roamed over her body and went under her shirt. He caressed her back and they both got lost in the moment. A cry from a child nearby brought them out of their bubble and they smiled at one another. "Let's lay down a bit and enjoy the time while we are here."

Sasha laid her head onto his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his belly. Tom's arm sneaked around her body and pressed her against his. They laid for quite some time enjoying their alone time together. Both of them closed their eyes and drifted into a light slumber.

Tom woke up still holding Sasha in his arms. He looked at her relaxed face and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Caressing the shell of her ear Sasha woke up. "Hmmm, I love waking up with you as my pillow." she murmured.

"Good to hear, darling." He leaned forward and kissed her lips. Her arms came around his neck and she pulled him towards her. Tom shifted and his body was pressed over hers. Their kiss get heated again and Tom grind his hips against hers and she could feel his member harden. After some needed air they broke their kiss "I think we should stop… after all we are in a public place." Sasha argued.

"You are right, we should stop as long as we can." He replied and gave her a quick peck on her lips, lifting himself up and helped Sasha to stand up.

Sasha looked around the place "Before we head back, I would really like to walk a little at the beach. Perhaps we'll find the place where we found the shells. Is that okay for you?" She asked him.

"Of course. Lead the way." He replied and put his arm around her shoulder while her arm rested at his waist. They walked silently to the left and let the waves catch their feet.

After quite some time Sasha stopped abruptly. Tom looked at her quizzically "What's wrong, Sash?"

She smiled back at him and then looked around once more "I think … I think this is the place where we found the shells." She said.

Tom looked around for himself "You sure?"

"Yes, I am. You know, there was a rock nearby which looked like a little otter and on the other side was a massive rock formation which looked like a volcano." She said and looked around again and pointed out the rocks nearby. She came nearer to him and taking his lips again. "Thank you." she whispered against his lips.

"For what?"

"For being you…" Kiss… "For finding some alone time, although I know you'll miss your kids..." kiss …"for making this trip down memory lane" …. kiss …"for everything" … kiss.

He wrapped his arms around her again and kissed her deeply. "Well, if you put it that way then I have to thank you too" … kiss … "for allowing me to take you here" …kiss ... "for putting up with me so long" … kiss … "for never giving up on me" … kiss "I love you" … kiss.

"I love you too" her response came immediately. "Do you think about the time we went here all those years ago?"

"Yes, I do. It was one of the best time of my life. Being with you, holding you in my arms, kissing you whenever I wanted." He replied wholeheartedly. "Sasha..." he gulped hard emotions running over his face. He took a deep breath and continued "I wanted to make that trip all those years ago to take you to another place where we could only be by ourself and where noone would disturb us. I just wanted to spend time with you. But it turned out to be so much more for me. Taking you into my arms, kissing you whenever I wanted, showing everyone that you belonged to me. It made me realize that not only that I loved you with all of my heart but that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused and looked her deep into her eyes.

"Nothing has changed for me." he whispered. He took her hands into his and reached with the other hand into his pocket. He took out the little velvet box he found some weeks ago and knelt down in front of her. "Sasha, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so will you marry me?"


End file.
